Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Here Now the News

I am able to pick up on most things before anything else.  What I was told today seemed to be one of those things I should have figured out right away, but ended up being the last person to know.  (Like the person who finds out his or her spouse has been cheating for years.)  I was told today that the media will make ANYTHING a news story just to make sure word of my candidacy and my campaign never makes it to the news.

There is a lot happening in the world, but three stories have been dominating the news all week.  One is somewhat understandable as it involves the President of the United States (The current one, Barack Obama, not the future one, Ahmnodt Heare.)  President Obama had flipped-flopped “evolved” his views about gay marriage and decided to favor it.  “Tanorexic Mom” and “Stripper Hot Dog Vendor” were also news stories, though neither of those stories will affect more than four or five people.  The latter two stories are only news stories because the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know I am a candidate for the President of the United States.  I believe this is because the same people who own the news networks also own the motion picture studios.

The alternative media hasn’t treated my campaign any better.  Instead of focusing on people who can solve problems (me), they chose to conjure all kinds of conspiracy theories.  Everything from the “second shooter” to “inside job” to “new Coke” were discussed in painful detail with little chance to hear the solutions I have to offer.

It is this reason (among others) that I have said in the past to “Tell all of your friends and half of your enemies about my campaign.”  The media won’t mention me, and because I am not a millionaire, I still have to work for a living and cannot campaign 24 hours a day 7 days a week like Obama or Romney.  I can’t give speeches on the floor of the House of Representatives like Ron Paul.  I can’t even find a boot that fits on my head like Vermin Supreme.  I am just one man on a mission to make America better than Belarus.

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May 10, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Vetting Process

The vetting process is one of the most agonizing aspects of running for office.  Mitt Romney is currently undergoing the process in his pursuit of a running mate.  Barack Obama went through the process in 2008 and somehow ended up with Joe Biden.  I went through it in 2008 and again a few months ago.  I went through the traditional vetting process in 2008 and it proved to be disastrous.  I would find out after the process that candidates were either felons, Canadian, under 35, or (in the case of one of the female candidates) unwilling to put out.  I ended up running for both President and Vice-President because I couldn’t find a qualified candidate for vice-president.

My 2012 search did not start any better.  I found someone who was fully qualified but backed down once she was under the media scrutiny.  It was soon after my trip to the ashram in Oregon in 2009 that I discovered a better vetting process.  I have learned to trust my instincts and use vetting methods and decision-making that work best for me.

Albee Thayer beat out other candidates including former Team USA hockey player Dave Christian, Alice Cooper, and Betty White.

The method used when I am with friends and we're looking to determine which nudie bar will be blessed with our presence.

H

The Magic 8-Ball is my consulting tool when I am stumped on forming policy decisions.

I cannot speak with certainty about the other candidates, but I am well-equipped to handle the challenges I will face as President.

April 18, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Process of Elimination

I know it is hard for my supporters to believe, but there are some people who are not impressed with my platform.  Some people think that I am not a “viable candidate.”  (Many of those people had donated to Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Jon Huntsman, and that other guy, but have nothing to show for it.)  Before you decide not to vote for me, let me show you why none of the candidates I am about to mention are worthy of your vote.

Barack Obama:

  • Promised the US would get out of Afghanistan.
  • Promised a more transparent government.
  • Plagiarized “RomneyCare” and re-named it “ObamaCare”.
  • Picked North Carolina to win the 2012 NCAA Tournament.

Mitt Romney:

  • Is against “ObamaCare” but favors the pre-plagiarized “RomneyCare”.
  • Changes his position on issues more often than most people change underwear.
  • Looks like the guy I bought an AMC Pacer from at the used car lot.

Rick Santorum:

  • Tried to represent Pennsylvania as Senator while living in Virginia.
  • Lost by 16% in his last re-election attempt.
  • Is thought of by others to have a frothy mix of fecal matter and anal lube named in his honor.

Newt Gingrich:

  • Is Newt Gingrich.
  • Has a bad habit of dumping his wife when she gets cancer.
  • Is the only House Speaker to get slapped with a slew of ethics charges.

Ron Paul:

  • Is old.  Really, really old.
  • Is hated by his own party more than by any other party.
  • Doesn’t get asked many questions in debates.

Other party candidates have yet to be announced.  They are all going to have a hard time competing with President Obama and whomever wins the Republican nomination with almost no interviews on national TV, not being mentioned in polls, not being invited to debates, and not raising the hundreds of millions the Democrats and Republicans raise for their candidates.  (I speak from experience here.)

I have a full detailed platform that is from common sense and not from party pandering or from lobbyists.  If you vote for anybody else besides myself or Ron Paul (I had to reach for his negatives), then I have to wonder what you are thinking.  Forgive me for the bluntness, but there’s no way to sugarcoat my reaction to such stupidity.

March 27, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, Democrats, editorial, election, humor, issues, Obama, Platform, politics, Republicans, satire, voting | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Please – No More GOP Debates!

The GOP had their 20th debate last night.  One thing I noticed about many of these debates is how my health tends to deteriorate during debates.  I can’t explain it.  The same thing happened with the 2008 general debates between Senators Obama and McCain.

It would be easier to understand if I was on stage in any of these debates.  I haven’t been on stage for any debate except for the debate of Independent Presidential Candidates in 2009.  I did not get ill during that debate.

It would be easy to understand if I didn’t have a solid platform and wasn’t consistent in my beliefs (besides capital punishment which I still have no position).  But nobody has attacked my views on the issues during these debates.

It can’t be because I am live-commentating on the internet.  I have done that for other things without getting sick.  I have a talk show (it was on hiatus) that I talk live and take phone calls from whomever calls.  I do not have anybody to screen my calls, so I do not know who will call.  It could be an avid supporter, a citizen who wants to ask questions or a Howard Stern fan calling to say, “Baba Booey.”

I think what is making me sick is the questions being asked.  They keep asking about foreign policy and abortion and not questions about the issues people want to have answered: “How would you fight the Cinemafia”, “Does this pass the ‘Vanna’ test?”  “What would Joyce DeWitt do about a specified topic?” and other issues tugging at the hearts of Americans.

I was running a fever of 101.3F last night.  I felt fine before the debate and I feel fine now.  There is a debate scheduled for March 19.  This is after Super Tuesday.  If it looks like that either Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, or Vermin Supreme are going to run away with this, then it will be canceled.  If it’s still muddled after Super Tuesday, then it will be the last GOP debate.  I’ll be stocking up on Vitamin C just in case.

February 23, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, debate, humor, issues, media, Meeting of Independent Presidential Candidates, politics, satire, Vanna White | , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Me vs Them – Foreign Policy

There are only two candidates with any foreign policy experience.  One is President Obama.  He didn’t get his experience until he became President.  The other is Jon Huntsman.  He didn’t get his experience until Obama became President.  (He was the U.S. Ambassador to China.  He was appointed by President Obama.)

Foreign policy experience is highly overrated.  Otherwise guys like Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Ahmnodt Heare wouldn’t be running for President.  While I haven’t an ounce of experience in foreign policy, it doesn’t mean I don’t know foreigners.  Below is what I know about foreigners:

  • Canadians do not like it when Americans refer to Canada as “almost a state.”  Canada is it’s own country.  They have their own leader, their own currency, and their own culture.  (Hockey, Tim Horton’s, and Poutine.)
  • Australians don’t like it when you complement them on their British accents.  Their accents are quite different than the British.  (Though it would be hard to type examples in a blog.)
  • Don’t go to a country and tell people that Americans are better than they are.  We are better, but rubbing their noses in it only makes them hostile.
As President, I will not send our country to war unless the situation is so severe, I’d be willing to fight on the front lines.  The odds of that happening is minimal because I am a wuss.  I don’t like fighting with a gun or getting blown up.  My fighting lately has been limited to “Knock-’em Sock-’em Robots.”
President Obama and most of the Republican candidates seem content with troops in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Libya.  Ron Paul is the only exception among the Republicans, but I don’t see him as one willing to fight on the front lines should the situation call for it.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

May 23, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, foreign policy, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , | 13 Comments

80,000 and Counting

I am pleased to announce that over 80,000 people have visited my blog.  Many people who have stopped by have been supportive of the campaign.  A few have not been supportive.  Those people include the Cinemafia, Betty White supremacists, hard-core Republicans and Democrats, and dentists.

Spammers have not been included in the count, or the count would be much higher.  Those who read the blog telepathically have not been counted because WordPress has said they do not have an accurate way to count telepathic hits.  Famous politicians who have read this blog and have used either my campaign strategy or in their platform include President Obama, Sarah Palin, John McCain, and most recently, Carl Paladino.

Unlike the past, when I had a mad rush of people looking for Grandma Oudda’s famous Strawberry Stroganoff recipe or paying tribute to Billy Mays, the people lately have been coming mainly looking for an alternative in 2012.  It seems for many of these people, I have been that alternative and for that I am honored.

Thank everybody for your continued support and together we can win this thing in 2012!

September 16, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Follow-Up on Google Image Search

Last week I had mentioned that if you were to use Google’s image search engine to find “2012 Presidential Candidates” that you would not find my picture.  I thought that adding my picture and tagging “2012 Presidential Candidates” would make the picture available.  It has not.  There are pictures you will find.  Some are expected as people have been speculating they were going to run for a while (Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul, etc.)

There are some I didn’t expect.  Mike Pence is one.  Dick Cheney is another.  You can even find a picture of George W. Bush (He isn’t allowed to run) and of Benjamin Harrison (He died over 100 years ago.)  John Ensign’s picture is there despite he having a laundry list of allegations against him.

Then there are pictures of people I don’t know.  There is a picture of a cute chick standing by a clothesline.  Some dude who has the “Enzyte Bob” smile is running for president as well as a goth guy.  Other pictures that hardly resemble 2012 presidential candidates include Gumby, the Joker, and the Sham-Wow guy.  Also running are Lynn Swann, Carrie Prejean, and a grown man wearing diapers.

I will post my picture again.  I am hoping that I will soon be included in the image search for 2012 Presidential Candidates.  I am also hoping that it’s not on page 37 or so buried that only the most bored will bother getting there for my picture.

2012 Presidential Candidates

Ahmnodt Heare

August 16, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | , , , | 5 Comments

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