Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Shaking Off the Cobwebs

I haven’t given a campaign speech in a few months.  The best thing to prepare for something is to practice what you want to do until it is done correctly.

It was a beautiful day for a trip to the park.  I went to an area where nobody was around and started campaigning to a squirrel.  My confidence became shaken when the squirrel ran off and ran into traffic.  Fortunately, the squirrel was able to cross the street unscathed.  On the southern section of the park was a statue of a guy who looked like Cosmo Kramer,  (It was supposed to be a Civil War hero, but he looked more like Michael Richards than someone who led an army.)  The statue stayed for my entire speech.

I went to a local bar and watched the news whilst nursing a root beer.  A young patron in his early 20’s asked me how I felt about the designated hitter rule.  I said I was against it and would abolish it if I was elected President.  He also hates the DH rule, but wanted to ask me why I was against it.  My reason goes back to my days in Little League.  I was a pitcher and wanted to bat.  The coach said that pitchers weren’t allowed to hit in the league and that the other team’s pitcher wasn’t allowed to bat.  Everybody else who played in the field was allowed to hit, why not me?  Six runs later, my pitching was done for the day.  Not being allowed  to bat affected my pitching to the point that I did not want to pitch any more..  I didn’t get to play in the field too often because all of the other positions were filled.

He was so impressed with my story that he invited me over to his house on Sunday to watch football with him and his father.  His father likes the DH, but he thinks that I made a strong argument to get rid of it.  He wants to join my campaign though he does not the President should not have the power whether or not there should be a designated hitter in baseball.  He makes a good point, but Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig irks me and it seems like he is trying to shove the DH down the throats of baseballs everywhere.  This has to stop somehow, even if it means occasionally doing more than I should.

October 18, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Shaking Off the Cobwebs

A Different Kind of Trade

Trades are commonplace in sports. Most trades involve one or more players for one or more players. Cash is sometimes involved in these trades. There are incidents when coaches are traded. Until now, these trades involved the same sport. My trade proposal involves the first intersport trade since the Montreal Canadiens acquired Youppi from the Montreal Expos.

My trade involves trading players from two different sports.  I would trade Washing Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Sidney Crosby.  This trade benefits both teams.  The Penguins would acquire a speedy forward who can check and fight.

This video shows Nyjer Morgan’s checking ability with a catcher (who is wearing much more protection) and his ability to fight.  These skills are required in the NHL.

This video shows Sidney Crosby hitting a baseball out of PNC Park in Pittsburgh.  Crosby will be the perfect batter to protect Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn in the lineup:

This trade will help two teams in two different sports.  Some of the best decisions are those made outside the box.

September 9, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on A Different Kind of Trade

How to Fix the Mets

Some of you might be wondering why someone who was born and raised in the Washington, DC area would be interested in fixing the New York Mets.  There are two reasons for this:  I have lived in the New York suburbs for the last year and Fixing my Nationals is for miracle performers.  I am not a miracle performer and being a miracle worker is not a prerequisite for being President (Obama is not a miracle worker, no matter what he tells you.)

The secret to fixing the Mets takes manager strategy from two managers; John McAmara and Tony LaRussa.  Like McAmara, I would have the best hitter hit leadoff.  For the Mets as currently assembled, it would be David Wright.  Although I am not a big fan of the pitcher batting eighth, I would do it with the team as it is now until Jose Reyes returns from the Disabled List.

Below is my batting order as I would have it:

  1. David Wright – 3B
  2. Luis Castillo – 2B
  3. Fernando Tatis – LF
  4. Jeff Francoeur – RF
  5. Daniel Murphy – 1B
  6. Angel Pagan – CF
  7. Schneider / Santos – C
  8. Pitcher’s Spot
  9. Alex Cora – SS

This lineup will score more runs because it utilizes all of the players to the best of their abilities.  (Except for Angel Pagan, but somebody has to bat sixth.)

As for fixing the Nationals, I will burn candles and say “Ohm…Ohm…”.  That’s the only thing I can think of.

July 21, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , | Comments Off on How to Fix the Mets

A Tremendous Honor

I would like to thank the Los Angeles Dodgers and Major League Baseball for the honor of throwing the first pitch tonight between the Dodgers and the Boston Red Sox. 

I was able to get tickets for tonight’s game for only $200.  Soon after I told people that I bought tickets, someone who works in Public Relations was able to get me to throw out the first pitch!

I am really stoked about tonight’s game.

October 25, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Platform, satire, Uncategorized | , , , , | Comments Off on A Tremendous Honor


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