Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

One Billion Reasons to Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

This is going to shape up to be the most expensive presidential race in history.  Half a billion dollars have already been wasted on the race with another half-billion to be squandered in the months ahead.  Neither Barack Obama nor Mitt Romney will be able to clean up Obama’s mess just like Obama hasn’t able to clean up George W. Bush’s meess and Bush wasn’t able to clean up Clinton’s mess (not even with using a blue dress as a rag.)

Let not the media fool you.  People who spend that type of money on an election campaign are not doing it because they want to serve you.  They are spending that money as an investment in themselves and their buddies.  If they really wanted to serve you, all they would have to do is serve you.

In the upcoming months, you will see a lot of political commercials.  Most of the commercials will state how bad one candidate is.  Few will explain why you should vote for somebody and not against another person.

Keep these things in mind as you see all of these political ads between now and November.  1) Obama’s and Romney’s campaigns and their supporting PACs are spending one billion dollars to beat over the head with commercial after commercial after commercial.  2)I can’t be blamed for the deluge of commercials because I am not airing any.  When you get sick of the commercials, remember the candidate who respects you enough not to air any ads.  Remember Ahmnodt Heare.

I am Ahmnodt Heare and I approve this message.

August 17, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, media, Obama, politics, Romney, satire | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Paul Ryan

In case you missed it, Mitt Romney named Majority Whip Paul Ryan to be his running mate.  This is good news for my campaign.  Picking Paul Ryan all but assures that Mitt Romney will nor be elected President.  Don’t get me wrong, Congressman Ryan has all that it takes to be Vice-President.  He can vote the way he’s supposed to vote to break ties in the Senate.  He can go to ribbon-cutting ceremonies and give speeches.  And he can brew coffee.  (Since he would be Romney’s Vice-President, he wouldn’t have to brew coffee often because Romney doesn’t drink coffee.)

There are three reasons why Paul Ryan is a bad choice for Vice-President.  The first is because he it touted as a”Budget Guru”. but the budget he proposed in 2010 promised ten more years of Bush-sized deficits.  One reason why Obama won in 2008 was because he promised we would no longer have Bush-sized deficits.  (He didn’t tell us that his deficits would be much larger.)

The second is because he is hardly what one would call “assassination insurance”.  People want their president around for four years.  The reason why no serious attempt has been put on any president in recent years is because people were too scared of what would happen if the Vice-President became President.  This is why Dan Quayle, Al Gore, Dick Cheney, and Joe Biden have been picked as Vice-President.  As bad as things were with George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama have been, it would have been worse if either of their vice-presidents were to take over.  Joe Biden is why Barack Obama is still alive and is why Hillary Clinton will never be a vice-president.

The third reason is because Paul Ryan is not Albee Thayer.  Albee Thayer is one of the best debaters in the world and would easily beat Ryan and Biden in a Vice-Presidential debate.

I wish the Romney/Ryan ticket luck, but it won’t do much good.  One foot is already in the grave and the other is on a banana peel on a wet marble floor.

August 11, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Albee, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Joe Biden, Obama, Paul Ryan, politics, Romney, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Political Speak

Politicians have to rephrase many of their ideas so that people would like them.  They also like to distort the meaning of words to their advantage.  When you think about it, “conservatives” don’t conserve and “liberals” don’t liberate.

Sometimes, that is not enough.  Politicians sometimes have to create their own phrases.  Mitt Romney recently coined, “retroactive retirement”, which I think means that he quit working for Bain Capital in 1999, but didn’t consider it a “retirement” until last week.  Former President George W. Bush had a few such phrases.  “Preemptive Strike” and “Enhanced Interrogation” are two of the more common phrases he used.  Former President wanted us to think there was more than one definition of the word, “is.”

I have a few phrases that I have created and/or distorted to my benefit.  Here are a few of them:

  • “Independent Pharmaceutical Distributor” – A drug dealer
  • “Erotic Consultant” – a prostitute
  • “Pakghaniraq” – A place where we like to drop bombs to promote peace.
  • “Gay” – an exact number greater than 100 that is derived from anal-retentive inventory takers.  (“Gay” has meant to “happy” to a sexual orientation, to a synonym for “lame.”  I wanted my own definition.

I will probably hear that I shouldn’t stoop to the level of my opponents.  I didn’t want to, but Americans have become too accustomed to looking down at the pool of candidates for office instead of looking up.  The only people who heard of me before today (July 17, 2012) were my supporters.  I would like to thank them for looking up instead of down.

July 17, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, issues, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, War | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Get it Right

It’s been a long time since America has had a President with a positive approval rating among independents.  The last president who was popular among independents like me was Ronald Reagan.  We have had two Republican presidents and two Democratic presidents since then.  I haven’r been impressed with any of the presidents since Reagan and neither have many independents.

I have been looking at qualities that Reagan and I have that neither Clinton, Obama, nor either of the Bush Presidents have.  The most glaring trait is that Reagan and I are right-handed while the others are all left-handed.  It’s not the wing that matters in presiding over a country, it’s the hand a president uses.

Right-handed presidents bring America in the right direction.  Left-handed presidents bring us in the wrong direction.  Recent history has proven this.  You can either re-elect a left-handed president who will bring America in the same wrong direction since 1989, or you can vote for a right-handed candidate like Ahmnodt Heare, who will bring America in the right direction.

July 7, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Weather Woes

I did not want to do a lot of traveling in January and February, but it seems that’s when people want me to speak the most.  Many of these speaking engagements are within a two hour drive from where I live.

I am concerned about bad wintry weather and traveling  on roads as slick as Bill Clinton.  There is also the concern of putting a ton of miles on my 1997 Geo Metro.  The car wasn’t too bad when I was living in North Carolina because it didn’t snow much there.  New Jersey gets a lot of wintry weather (snow, ice, and fog).  The roads were icy today and I couldn’t make the trip to the gas station to buy cigarettes and toothpicks.

I will buy studded snow tires next week and save them for days that I have to travel for campaigning or beer runs.  Driving carefully will also make my trips safer.  This will include not drinking the beer while returning from the store.

There is nothing planned during the week.  I will be attending a Festivus party next weekend.  I hope no big men are there because the “Feats of Strength” always wears me out.

If anybody knows how to write wikis, here is the link to my name.

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The President-Elect

I must admit I am a bit confused.  I was under the impression that Barack Obama was all about “change.”  Rahm Emanuel to Bill Richardson, this administration looks like it will be Bill Clinton’s third term.  I guess our next president can be called Barack Obubba.

I was the agent of change America wanted in 2008.  I will be the agent of change in 2012.

November 21, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Democrats, issues | , , , , , | Comments Off on The President-Elect

   

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