Four-Year Cycles

A little over four years ago, I decided to run for President in the 2008 campaign.  I headed up to New Hampshire to campaign mainly because the primary was already over and I didn’t have to worry about any of the other candidates stealing my thunder.  I was alone in my hotel room on Valentine’s Day 2008 after a long day of campaigning.  After watching the local news, I realized that my campaign wasn’t making any traction.  I pulled out my laptop and decided to blog about my campaign.  “Alone in New Hampshire” was my first entry, four years ago today.  It was a very short entry, mostly with a rough video I had made and uploaded to YouTube.

The first month was rough.  There were days when nobody visited my website.  I kept blogging anyway, thinking that someday I would write something that people would be looking for.  My first break came when I had to cancel a portion of my campaign trip because my sea monkey passed away.  Apparently, I am not the only person who had to deal with the sudden loss of a pet.  I was suddenly getting 10-20 hits a day.

My next break came soon after the 2008 election.  Many people were disappointed with the results and wanted to see who the prospective candidates were going to be for 2012.  I had announced my intention to run in 2012 the day after the 2008 election.  I wasn’t about to spend any money on my campaign like I did in 2008.  (The $.60 I spent on copying posters proved to be futile.)  People looked for 2012 candidates on search engines and my blog was one of the first to pop up on many sites.

My biggest break came from Billy Mays.  He brought an additional 20 hits to my blog every day until his death.  In the days following his death, when people were searching Billy Mays material on the web, the average shot up to over 500 hits per day.

These numbers might not be impressive to many people (and they’re not to me), but I have learned that a large portion of that is because this is a politics blog and people don’t really like politics and will only go to a political blog when they want information (usually after people find out they’ve been screwed yet again.)

What I have learned is to expand my base.  In addition to this blog, I have a YouTube channel, a BlogTalk Radio show, a Ustream show, A Facebook and Twitter profile and also a fan page on Facebook.  Though I have expanded by leaps and bounds, this blog continues to be the backbone of my campaign and will continue to be until next January when I begin blogging from whitehouse.gov.

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A Confession to Make

I write this today with a heavy heart full of remorse.  I didn’t think much about it when I did it, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.  The truth is that Billy Mays never endorsed my campaign and the picture below is a fraud.

This is not a real endorsement.

Why did I do it?  I did it because I wanted to associate my campaign with an honest, trustworthy man with integrity.  My first choice was Eminem.  I was advised not to use him as an endorsement as people often confuse him with M&Ms.  As bad as it is to use a fake endorsement, it would be tasteless to use a fake endorsement from someone deceased.  I can at least say that I made this endorsement picture while he was still alive.  The “endorsement” was first posted on March 5, 2009.

The worst part is that by faking the endorsement of a man with integrity, I have compromised my own integrity.  I apologize to the Mays family, Billy Mays’ fans and my supporters for this lapse of judgement.

I will commemorate  the anniversary of Mr. Mays’ passing by stocking up on some OxiClean.

My Support Base

Like any other successful campaign, my campaign resonates with some groups better than with others.  Also like other successful campaigns, I do not always choose who wants to support me.

There are many groups that I am honored to carry their endorsement.  The groups include (but are not limited to):

• Vanna White Supremacists National Charter (As well as many of the state and local charters)
• Fans of the late Billy Mays
• Jim Traficant supporters
• The deceased

As honored as I am to received endorsements from these groups, there are a few groups that I wish didn’t endorse me.  Not because I don’t appreciate their endorsement, but because people tend to think that because they endorse you, that you automatically endorse them.  After all, people who belong to fringe groups like “Aryan Nation”, the Republican and Democratic Parties and Goldman-Sachs all vote with their interests in mind.  Here are a few groups that have decided for whatever reason to support my campaign:

• Unemployed porn stars
• Malaysian webmasters of pornographic websites
• Canadians

I do not agree with many of the positions with the groups mentioned above, but they are people and their voices need to be heard.  Instead of dismissing people because I don’t agree with them on everything, I seek common issues and build a coalition.  I don’t know why some people endorse me, but I do know that the issues I talk about resonates with a lot of voters.

A Tribute to Billy Mays

Billy Mays, the greatest TV pitchman ever died in June from a heart attack.  Many people have come to my website following his death.  Like many people, I went and bought the stuff that Billy Mays endorsed that I hadn’t already bought.  The only things I did not already have was the Awesome Auger and the iCan Benefit Insurance.

As a tribute to Billy Mays, I will be growing the patented Billy Mays beard.  (As soon as I find out who holds the patent for Billy Mays’s beard now that he has passed on.  I invite the ladies and gentlemen who have been following my blog to join me in growing a tribute beard.

The Trek Home

I have decided that enlightenment is not for me.  My brief time here saw many celebrities die.  Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays all passed away in the week I was at the ashram.

I wanted to leave but the armed guards wouldn’t let me.   The only way out was by escape.  I volunteered to take out the garbage after dinner.  I did my impersonation of a father going out for ice cream and didn’t return.

The sun was setting in the western sky.  I am sure it was a beautiful sunset, but I didn’t know because I walked east.  I kept walking until I saw a motel.  It was a old building on the outside bordering on blight.  The inside was kept in good condition.  The motel is in a small town called “Bonanza.”  I would spend last night in Like the ashram, it was in the middle of nowhere.

I will soon head to Medford by bus.  From Medford,I will be taking a bus to Portland.  I will spend tonight in Portland and fly home tomorrow.

R.I.P. Billy Mays

I was saddened to learn that Billy Mays mysteriously died this morning.

Billy Mays 1958-2009

I feel ashamed to admit that I didn’t like Billy Mays wearing the OxiClean shirt when I first saw the photo.  But to understand Billy Mays is to understand that he had a passion for every product he endorsed.  Sometimes I wish I had that kind of passion for my campaign.

He will be missed.

Billy Mays Rocks!

Infomercial spokesperson Billy Mays endorses Ahmnodt Heare.