Can’t Recover on “Recovery Day”

Yesterday was my birthday, but that is the least of the things I need to recover from.  I also need to recover from everything else that happened yesterday.

Breakfast:  Patricia wanted to make me breakfast.  I thought it was a good idea because I thought one of my parents was going to be in the kitchen helping her.  She decided to make pancakes and thought to make me one big pancake instead of a bunch of regular-sized pancakes.  She couldn’t find a way to flip the pancake because it took the entire frying pan.

Swimming:  We went swimming at the community pool.  I was in the pool with Patricia as she was swimming along the side of the pool.  A boy jumped in the pool without looking and his knee hit Patricia in the back.  I rushed her out of the pool.  She has a bruise on her back, but is otherwise fine.

Lunch:  We went to a local diner.  It was a bit busier than I would have like it, but diners are busy on Sunday afternoons.  My father ordered one scrambled egg, whole wheat toast, and a small tomato juice.  At least they got the toast correct.  He was also given two fried eggs and a large orange juice.  My father snapped like I hadn’t seen since I crashed his new Oldsmobile Cutlass into a telephone pole.  The owner of the diner was as fiery as my father and after a couple minutes we were thrown out of the diner.

My father was still in an extremely sour mood when it was time for my parents and Patricia to leave.  I did not feel comfortable letting my daughter ride while my father was irate so I summoned my mother to calm enough to have him calm enough to drive.  Keeping Patricia was the best decision under the circumstances.  Her mother was unhappy but understanding, and bringing her home on Wednesday works for both of us.

Bedtime:  Patricia is normally the sweetest child, but not last night.  she gets like my father was acting when she is tired but wants to stay up.  I thought she was never going to stop pouting and stomping her feet.  It was almost midnight before I was able to get her to bed.  Five hours later, I started my workday.

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Birthday Weekend

Sunday will be my 37th birthday.  The original plan was for me to head down to Washington this weekend and spend time with my parents and with my daughter.  My parents surprised me by coming up and bringing Patricia with them.  The only problem was that they forgot I had moved two months ago and this was their first time up since the move.

There is plenty to do in Washington, DC.  There isn’t much to do here in Vernon, NJ.  I am close to Mountain Creek Water Park (not to be confused with Mountain Creek Ski Resort, even though it’s at the same place).  Part of the Appalachian Trail runs through Vernon, but I am not much of a hiker.  I’ll probably take Patricia to the water park tomorrow, though it’s supposed to be rainy with thunderstorms.

I am not sure about Sunday.  My parents will probably take me home for breakfast.  I’ll probably end up watching the World Cup Final between Spain and the Netherlands.  I would like to thank FIFA for holding the Final on my birthday.   Hopefully the next time it’s on my birthday, the United States will be playing.

Monday and Tuesday will be long work days.  I will be in campaign mode from Wednesday through next Sunday.  I need to get out in the public while people know who I am.  I need the name “Ahmnodt Heare” to resonate in the minds of voters in the same way that voters’ children’s names resonate in their mind.

Getting Ready for Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Vanna White’s birthday.  Part of observing Her birthday means I will not be blogging or campaigning tomorrow.  I am also taking tomorrow off from work.  Tomorrow will be spent watching old Wheel of Fortune clips as well as other clips of Vanna on YouTube and Google Video.  I will also send a card to “Vnn Wht” and a check for $750 so she can buy an “A”, an “E”, and an “I” to spell out Her name.  I will have to send out with an overnight service so She gets it tomorrow.

I would like to wish Vanna White the happiest of birthdays tomorrows.  And a Happy Vanna White Day to everybody!

Martin Luther King Day

Monday is Martin Luther King Day.  Yesterday was Martin Luther King’s birthday.  He would have turned 81 yesterday.

One reason why Martin Luther King’s birthday isn’t celebrated more is because we celebrate it on a Monday and not on the 15th.  Many businesses will be open on Monday.  Everything except for banks and the post office will be open.

Everything is closed on Christmas because it is always on December 25.  It’s not on the fourth Monday of December or the first Sunday after the Detroit Lions are eliminated from the playoffs.

Poor Martin Luther King.  His birthday will always be “celebrated” on a Monday.  Monday is a bad day to celebrate a birthday.  Everybody has a bad day on Mondays.

If I am elected President, I will make Martin Luther King’s birthday on January 15th every year.  There will be no more “It’s the 18th this year, 17th next year, etc.  How would you like it if your birthday was always on a Monday?  That’s what I thought.

My Take on President Obama’s Birth Certificate

As a candidate for President in 2008 and 2012, I find the debacle over President Obama’s birth certificate amusing.  Many people are assuming that President Obama was born in Kenya.  The truth is that he was born in Hawaii and to the best of my knowledge, Hawaii does not issue birth certificates to babies born in Kenya.

The reason why there is so much secrecy over President Obama’s birth certificate isn’t over where he was born, but when.  I think President Obama was born on August 4, 1974.  Today is his 35th birthday.  This is important because in order to take the Office of the Presidency, he or she must be 35 years of age before taking office.  “President” Obama was only 34 when he took the oath of office, a violation of the Constitution.

Part of me thinks that President Obama should step down because he was too young to become President.  Part of me is scared that if he does step down, we would be stuck with Joe Biden as President.  My solution would be to install myself as interm President until 2012, but that solution, unfortunately, is unconstitutional.  I would allow Obama to remain President for the rest of this term but declare him ineligible to run for reelection in 2012.

Happy 35th Birthday, “President” Obama!

A Birthday Wish

You can breathe easy.  I do not want presents, cash, or gift cards for my birthday.  All I ask for is one of two things:

• For the people who are going to the All-Star Game in St. Louis on Tuesday – Please bring either an “Ahmnodt Heare for President” sign or a “Google Ahmnodt Heare” sign and try to bring the sign to the front row behind home plate.  If you can’t bring it behind home plate, then try to find a spot where the sign will get television exposure.
• For everybody else – Please call two of your friends and head out to a bar tomorrow night.  Then you and your friends can talk up my campaign loud enough for the hotties or studs (depending on your preference)  to hear the conversation.  Not only will more people hear about my campaign, but it’s a good way to meet people.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day for me.  I have my daughter for the next two weeks.  That rules out birthday parties at the nudie bar (or at any bar.)  Tomorrow will be dedicated to watching the Sponge Bob marathon in the morning and to going to the horse track in the afternoon.  (Patrica likes ponies.)

In case you were wondering, I will turn 36 years old tomorrow.  That makes me a Cancer.

Happy Birthday America!

The Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign would like to wish America a happy 233rd birthday.