Kicking it Up a Notch

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich will announce his intentions for running for President sometime next week.  The rest of the year will be filled with other presidential hopefuls.  I see this as two things:  That my days of running unopposed are numbered and that I had a 20-month head start and that might be too overwhelming for my competitors.

I have already planned my vacation from August 14-29.  It will include my second annual trip to Blanca Fest  and Saguache County, Colorado. I will drive to Colorado this year as this will allow me time to campaign during the drive from New Jersey.  I’ll be stopping in Cleveland, Chicago, Des Moines, Grand Rapids Nebraska, and Baltimore.  The return trip will include Kansas City, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Akron, and Las Vegas.

What the next presidents owes to the American people (whether it’s me, media Goddess Sarah Palin, or some other schmuck:

• A health care plan that is affordable for the American people that will not bankrupt the government.
• Jobs that pay well enough to afford the essentials:  Food, shelter, water, clothing, and entertainment.
• An education system that allows people to learn how bad government is.
• Replacing “Presidents’ Day” with Vanna White’s Birthday (February 18) as a national holiday.

There are 28 months until the 2012 General Election.  Together we can make this work and elect a working-class American as President of the United States.  (I mean me).

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Walk-a-Thon Canceled

I am deeply saddened that I will not be able to partake in the Walk-a-Thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness.  I had a mishap with the ankle I broke while I was on vacation.  I went to the doctor yesterday and she said that I would not be able to walk on it for two months.  I am no longer wearing the boot that people with broken ankles use for walking.  I am on crutches and will remain on crutches for two months.

The reason why I chose October to do the walk-a-thon is twofold:  The first reason is because I didn’t want to walk when it was too cold in the Northeast or too hot in the desert Southwest.  The second reason why I chose October is because all of the other walk-a-thons are in October and I didn’t want to seem rebellious and walk in another month.

Some people have suggested that I do the walk-a-thon with the crutches.  There are two problems with this.  The first problem is that it takes longer to walk on crutches and I would end up with both extremely cold weather and extremly hot weather along the way.  The other problem is that people seeing me using crutches might think I am rasing money for some kind of birth defect instead of the defect in entertainment caused by the CineMafia.

I may have to do a telethon instead.  The problem is that I can’t have celebrities as spokespeople because they all work for the CineMafia.

A Minor Problem

I am currently in Fort Garland, Colorado.  I have no place to stay tonight.  The hotels here are booked and Saguache is 78 miles away.  Renting a car is not in my budget, but I might rent one just so I have a place to sleep tonight.

UPDATE:  I couldn’t find a place to sleep, so I tried to find a place in the woods to set up a tent.  I didn’t have a tent, but if there was an area, it would have been a good spot to lay down my stuff.  I found an area, but slipped down a hill and hurt my ankle.

I limped back into town looking for a hospital.  The limp was more noticable as I wascarrying my stuff through Fort Garland.  I was given a ride to the hospital.  I spent the night in the hospital as it was discovered I had a fractured ankle and a concussion.  I won’t be able to go on the hike, but I am hoping to be released in time for the Chuck Wagon Dinner.

Vacation Planning Snafus

I am leaving tomorrow for my vacation to Colorado.  I am planning to spend a week in Saguache County and attend BlancaFest in Fort Garland in neighboring Costilla County.  I have encountered a couple of snafus:

• There are no buses going to Fort Garland or to Saguache from Denver.  I’ll have to take a bus from Denver to Colorado Springs and spend tomorrow night in Colorado Springs.
• The only bus from Colorado Springs to Fort Garland leaves Friday Morning.
• There are no rental car places in either Fort Garland or in Saguache.
• There are no nudie bars in Fort Garland or Saguache.
• The rental car place I checked out in Colorado Springs was charging $300/week plus $.15/mile (It is 127 miles from Colorado Springs to Fort Garland and another 78 miles from Fort Garland to Saguache.
• The only bus that leaves Fort Garland to Colorado Springs leaves Sunday.

I have invested too much in this vacation to cancel it.  I will find a way to get where I have to be.  Next time, I will make sure that either Greyhound or Amtrak goes through the towns I want to visit before visiting.

If you are planning to attend Blanca Fest, I need a ride to Saguache.  I will also need a ride from Saguache to Colorado Springs on Friday morning.

See you at Blanca Fest!

Vacation Planning

I will be taking my first vacation since I first started running for President soon.  I will be going to Blanca Fest in Fort Garland, CO and will be spending the rest of my vacation in Saguache County.  Although there is not much to do Saguache County, I feel obligated to show my graditude to the fine people of Saguache County for electing me for their president over both Barack Obama and John McCain.

I do not know why I didn’t show my appreciation sooner.  I owe the fine people another apology as well.  I have found out that I have been pronouncing the name of their county incorrectly on my radio show.  I was pronouncing it as a Spanish word (Sah-Goo-Ah-chay).  The correct pronounciation is (Saw-WATCH) as it is an Ute Indian word meaning, “Water at Blue Earth”.

I will be staying at the Hillside Hotel in Saguache.  I will leave early that Saturday for the Blanca Fest.  For those not familiar with the Blanca Fest, it is a day of tours, a Chuck Wagon styled dinner, and bluegrass music.  I want to volunteer with the Chuck Wagon dinner because I want to make sure that senior citizens are getting the real Chuck Wagon and not the generic.