Make Bearman Pay!

It’s that time of year again! Bearman is having his third annual charity challenge.  The first $500 will go towards the Cincinnati FreeStore Foodbank.  Anything above that will go towards the Red Cross and their relief efforts in Japan.

How do you make Bearman pay?  Here’s how!

He will donate the indicated amount for each thing that you do in the month of May:

• $10 – For any cartoonists who uses ME in a cartoon in their strip.  Use “BEARMAN” somewhere in the toon.  Maybe it’s a character’s name, a name on a bar sign in the background, integrating my green haired gravatar into a background character or even loosely as “Check out that Bear, man!”  Be sure to link back to this post so I know to include you in my tally.   I know some of you work with a buffer so if you plan to post after May just contact me and let me know and I will add it to the list.
• $5 – Add http://beartoons.com to your blog roll (for those who don’t already have it)
• $5 – Add a Bearman Cartoons Banner Ad (found here) on your site or if you already have one upgrade to a larger size.  Link it to http://beartoons.com
• $10 – Blog about my challenge to your readers and link back to this entry in your post – http://beartoons.com/2011/05/01/bearman-cartoons-charity-challenge-2011
• $5 – Send a picture of yourself wearing a t-shirt from our shop OR send a picture that showcases that you are a BEARMANiac. Photos will be showcased in weekly updates and also appear ongoing in the BEARMANia section.    Last year Lynn blew up the Beartoons banner ad and had fun taking pictures all over Florida.  (Click here to see pictures sent in by last year’s BEARMANiacs)
• $2 – Follow me via TWITTER updates. (if you aren’t already)
• $2 – Like Beartoons on Facebook.

Bearman is a good person.  He even made my current avatar on Facebook.  Check out his blog.  And follow the simple instructions above.

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Campaign Goals for 2011

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010- 35037 total hits (95.99 hits/day)

2011 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2011.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.
2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)
3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming 2012 primaries (Democratic and Republican).
4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).
7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)

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With your continued help and support, “Ahmnodt Heare” will soon be as common a household name as Lysol.  Think of me as the Lysol of bad ideas.  I kill them when presented to me like Lysol kills germs as soon as contact is made.  Tell two friends today about my campaign.  Thank you.

What I Have Been Reading

You can learn a lot about a person by what he or she reads.  I am more likely to get financial advice from someone who reads the Wall Street Journal than someone who reads the National Enquirer.  Likewise, someone who goes to laughordie.com is more likely to be a fun person than someone who goes to the Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) website, even though JAMA sounds like a fun word.  Below are some of what I have been reading:

NEWS

The Onion:  Where I get most of my news.  There is a section dedicated to what Americans are thinking.  I read this section every day before reading anything else.

The Spoof:  They cover stories no other news organization will.  One disturbing story they covered was that chewable viagra was being marketed at children.

Weekly World News:  This was my newspaper of choice when it was available in print form.  Fortunately, it is still available on the web.

Blogs

The Problem With Young People – I have learned that seniors aren’t always the happy people the Cinemafia portray them to be.  Much of the unhappiness can be attributed with young people.  Don Mills has taught me a lot about senior citizens and the importance of staying off of lawns.

Trish O. Think’s Blog – It’s important to read blogs by people who think.  It was this blog entry that made me discovered I was meant to be President of the United States.

Bearman Cartoons – Yes it’s cartoons, but it’s cartoons that take a look at what is happening in America.  Without it, I could have very well thought that Americans were happy with how BP has been handling the oil spill.

Tales From the Trailerpark – It is important to reach out to everybody.  Trailer parks are known as a magnet for tornadoes.  The people who live in trailer parks are much like people who live in houses, apartments, and cardboard boxes.  They enjoy some good moonshine and savor fine quality chewing tobacco as much as anybody else.

If you read the news and blog links that I have highlighted in this blog entry, then you will understand my mindset and realize I am the only candidate for President who gets it.

Update on Goals

I had listed a list of goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of 2010.  Despite the hard work that some of my supporters and I have done over the last six months, none of these goals are on target of being met.  Below are the goals I had mentioned in the beginning of the year:

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2010.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.

1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)

Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican).

At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.

An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.

At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).

One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)

Below is the progress (or lack of) of each of the goals:

1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website. – I missed this mark by miles.  May was my second worst month since before the 2008 Elections.  I am currently averaging only 87.3 hits per day and averaged only 65 hits in May.  The good news is that June was my best month thus far in 2010 and I averaged 101 hits per day and 150 hits per day over the last week.  I will need to average 428.5 hits per day for the rest of the year to meet this goal.  Please tell all of your friends and half of your enemies about my campaign and this website!

2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600) The good news that this has almost doubled since January and I am now at 30,500 results.  The bad news is that I am nowhere near 1 million.  I’m going to need people to do #4.

3. Enough ‘write-in’ votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican) – I am going to have to scratch this.  Many of my supporters are independents.  While supporters may be liberal or conservative, they are smart enough not to support the two parties who claim to support their ideas.

4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign – To the best of my knowledge, there has been one blog mentioning me and zero blogs mentioning my campaign.  I will make a deal – If you dedicate a blog entry to me and my campaign, I will dedicate a blog entry to your blog and your mission.

5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. – Here is an open invitation for the ladies who got it to flaunt it for a good cause.  Even if you don’t got it, you can flaunt it for a good cause.

6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable). – While I remain optimistic that this will eventually happen, I am not too sure it will be in 2010.  Requests to Rachel Maddow, Diane Sawyer, and Jim Cantore have yet to be answered.  I was to have an ad run on a cable public access show in Bend, Oregon, but that show was canceled before the ad got to air.

7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!) – Did I ever pick a bad time to become monogamous!  I will sacrifice monogamy for the good of the campaign.  If you’re 18, female, and showered within the last two days, then send me an e-mail.

There is much that needs to be done, but I will need your help (Especially with #7!).  Together, we can shake up “politics as usual.”

A Sign The Campaign is Working

I should have noticed this earlier, but when I am mulling over my search results for the blog, I notice that somebody is searching for “Ahmnodt Heare.”  My name is not a common name shared with other people.  There isn’t an Ahmnodt Heare the actor, Ahmnodt Heare the podiatrist, or any Ahmnodt Heare, the 20th century ax-murderer.  my research shows that I am the only Ahmnodt Heare in the world.

What makes today different is that so far, eight people have found this site specifically looking for “Ahmnodt Heare” and not from searching for naked pictures of Nancy Pelosi or for Jeffery Dahmer’s recipes.  (You won’t find those here, and if those search terms brought you to this site, I apologize.)

Three people found the site from using WordPress’s tag search.  Two people found the site by typing, “usa ahmnodt heare.”  Two more found it from typing, “wikipedia ahmnodt heare.”  One person found the site the old fashion way:  Just typing, “Ahmnodt Heare.”

I like to thank everybody for stopping by and reading the blog.  A special thanks goes out for those who have spreading the word about my campaign.

Preserving the English Language

I went blog surfing last night when I got home.  In addition to reading the blogs I usually read, I decided to check out some other blogs.  There is a disturbing trend in blogs (especially those who criticize people for not knowing the English language.)  The trend is that people are lacking in fundamental grammar skills.  How can you expect people to learn the language when you haven’t?

Today I will point out some simple grammar rules that I was taught in the fifth grade.  By the end of this lesson, you’ll be smarter than a fifth grader.

“Your” vs. “You’re”

“Your” is possessive.  It means something that belongs to you.

It’s your problem now.

“You’re” is a contraction of “You are.”

You’re an idiot.

One of the last replies from a blog I read last night said, “Your a idiot.”  This is wrong in a couple of ways.  Not only did he have the wrong word, but it should have been, “an” before “idiot.”

“Their” vs. “There” vs. “They’re”

“Their” is possessive.

It’s their problem now.

“There” can be an adverb, noun, pronoun, adjective, or interjection.

The bong is there where you left it. (adverb)

There are people who are still confused. (pronoun)

I don’t know if the guy with the trench coat is from there. (noun)

Ask the homeless guy there.  (adjective)

There!  The police won’t find the stash now! (interjection)

“They’re” is a contraction of “They are.”

They’re screwed if the police find the stash.”

If you are going to take on a battle of preserving a language, the least you can do is know what you are preserving.

Campaign Goals for August

The following are some goals I have set for the campaign for the month of August:

1. Averaging 150 unique hits per day on this website.
2. At least 10 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign. (Currently at 5, plus a poll for President)   A few blog entries from other sites have been deleted.
3. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
4. At least one national television appearance (broadcast or cable)

Notes about the goals:   Goal 1 is difficult, but can be accomplished.  Goal #2 can be accomplished if people don’t delete their websites and blogs after writing about my campaign.  I don’t know if this is a coincidence or if the deletions are being done by my political enemies like the Cinemafia. Goal#3 can be done by having a female uploading a video to YouTube and declaring herself an “Ahmnodt Girl”   I will need your help making #4 possible.  It seems I don’t have the media prowlness required to get myself on television.

I have a lot of work to do to make these goals happen.  This means limiting watching “Wheel of Fortune” to weeks that are “special.”  I will also have to quit watching the “SpongeBob SquarePants” marathons every weekend.