New Experiment
Below is the list for the primaries and caucuses after today’s in South Carolina:
| January 31, 2012 | Florida (primary) |
| February 4, 2012 | Nevada (caucus) |
| February 4–11, 2012 | Maine (caucus) |
| February 7, 2012 | Colorado (caucus) Minnesota (caucus) Missouri (primary) |
| February 28, 2012 | Arizona (primary) Michigan (primary) |
| March 3, 2012 | Washington (caucus) |
| March 6, 2012 (Super Tuesday) |
Alaska (caucus) Georgia (primary) Idaho (caucus) Massachusetts (primary) North Dakota (caucus) Ohio (primary) Oklahoma (primary) Tennessee (primary) Vermont (primary) Virginia (primary) |
| March 6-10, 2012 | Wyoming (caucus) |
| March 10, 2012 | Kansas (caucus) U.S. Virgin Islands (caucus) |
| March 13, 2012 | Alabama (primary) Hawaii (caucus) Mississippi (primary) |
| March 17, 2012 | Missouri (GOP caucus) |
| March 18, 2012 | Puerto Rico (primary) |
| March 20, 2012 | Illinois (primary) |
| March 24, 2012 | Louisiana (primary) |
| April 3, 2012 | District of Columbia (primary) Maryland (primary) Wisconsin (primary) Texas (primary) |
| April 24, 2012 | Connecticut (primary) Delaware (primary) New York (primary) Pennsylvania (primary) Rhode Island (primary) |
| May 8, 2012 | Indiana (primary) North Carolina (primary) West Virginia (primary) |
| May 15, 2012 | Nebraska (primary) Oregon (primary) |
| May 22, 2012 | Arkansas (primary) Kentucky (primary) |
| June 5, 2012 | California (primary) Montana (primary) New Jersey (primary) New Mexico (primary) South Dakota (primary) |
| June 26, 2012 | Utah (primary) |
I am not sure if my plan will work in caucuses, but my plan will in primaries and it will for the general election. This innovative plan will be taught in Political Science courses for years to come. Take a vacation anywhere in the United States on Election Day week! Don’t vote on Election Day! You have better things to do with your time than spending hours on line on Election Day only to be stuck behind people who don’t know how to fill out a ballot.
There are a few things you need to do before you go on vacation:
- Go to the county (parish in Louisiana) (BOEE in Washington DC) Board of Elections and pick up an absentee ballot.
- Fill in the ballot including “Ahmnodt Heare” (without quotes) under “President of the United States” . Click the link if you need a way to remember how to spell my name. And “Albee Thayer” for Vice-President. Feel free to choose who you want for other offices on your ballot. Make a photocopy for your records.
- Mail the ballot (Original, not photocopy!) by October 23. (Two weeks before the primary or caucus in your state for primaries and caucuses). This will allow plenty of time to make sure your ballot is received by Election Day.
This will leave you all Election Day to do whatever you want. You can even campaign for me the entire time the polls are opened without having to worry about voting.
Enjoy your vacation and thank you for your support!
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Vote Absentee!
You’re looking at the title of this blog entry and wondering why the emphasis on voting absentee. There a few very good reasons.
The first and most important reason is because voting is an important decision. It is more important than the many scrumptious options on the Denny’s menu. You are deciding who gets to ruin (or save – if you vote for me) your future.
The second reason is that most people vote after work. It seems that everybody gets to the polls to vote seconds before you do so you end up wasting hours before voting. All absentee voting involves is filling out the ballot and mailing it in.
The third reason is that there are many different voting machines and many of them don’t have any paper to show how you vote. With an absentee ballot, you can make a copy or scan your ballot and you can show how you voted.
The fourth reason is that you can spend time campaigning for me (as long as you are at least 101 feet away from a polling place. Campaigning any closer is illegal. This is what I will be doing on Election Day.
The fifth (and second most important reason) is because spelling counts. Because my campaign is a write-in campaign, my name has to be spelled correctly. The only acceptable spelling is AHMNODT HEARE (A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters) (Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic). They will frown on spelling errors like Ahmndot Herae, Amnott Heer, I’m Not Here, Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama. Voting absentee from home means you can check the spelling before mailing it in.
Don’t forget to vote for Albee Thayer for vice-president. Remembering Heare and Thayer is half the battle in voting. The other half is remembering Ahmnodt and Albee and which first name matches with which last name.
On Tuesday (Monday is Labor Day), contact your county (parish for those of y’all in Louisiana) board of elections and request an absentee ballot. It will save hours of waiting on Election Day.
Rate this:
Share this!
Like this:
August 31, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, Albee, campaign, commentary, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, voting, write-in | absentee voting, Board of Elections, Denny's, Labor Day, Parish, spelling, Voting Machines | 1 Comment