The Olympic Spirit

I like watching the Olympics.  Every four years the best athletes in the world compete in such sports as running, swimming, diving, and gymnastics.  There are also “sports” like archery. badminton, and  trampoline.  I didn’t know that trampoline was an Olympic sport and you can now get a gold medal for doing “Squat-sit-squat” better than anybody else.  Since ping pong (table tennis) is now also an Olympic event, it is only a matter of time before beer pong becomes an Olympic event.  Below are some events I would like to see in the Olympics:

• Beer Pong – Anybody who questions whether beer pong is a sport has never been able to get a ping pong ball in a cup after 15 beers like I have.
• Bowling – The sport is normally boring to watch so bowlers would wear tight pants so people watching will keep interested.  (At least I would watching ladies’ bowling.)
• Darts – If archery is a sport, darts should be too.  Darts is all skill and no apparatus like a bow used for an arrow.
• Kick Ball – I was awesome in kick ball as a fifth grader.

There are many others events I’d like to see in the Olympics, but I won’t name them all.  If there is an event you want included, feel free to add your suggestion to the comments section.

There are 97 days until Election Day.  I am striving for the gold in the Presidential Election event.  Getting a silver medal in this event will mean nothing but being the most decorated loser.

Advertisement

Bowling, Dinner, and (Gulp) a Movie

It is time for me to forget about politics and the health care bill and move on with my life.  I will stop working early today and take my mind off of things.  I will go go bowling, go out for dinner, and even take in a movie.  Mind you, the movie is an independent movie and not a movie produced by the Cinemafia.

I haven’t gone bowling in a few years.  My bowling average was a wimpy 111, but is still better than President Obama’s bowling was when he was on the campaign trail. Tonight is a steak night and I will be going to a local tavern that makes the BEST Delmonico steaks.  The night will be nightcapped with a movie called “Diary of a Wimpy Kid”.  It was produced by a Canadian movie company.

This is what I need to get into a full campaign and work mode tomorrow morning.

Rough Weekend

I decided this weekend that I was going to hold town-hall-style meetings.  Unlike the Democratic Senators and House members, my meeting wasn’t limited to health care.

Saturday 8/8 3:00PM – Hallion Lanes

I was  discussing my Affordabile Entertainment platform with bowlers.  I had mentioned that movies, sporting events, and concerts have become too expensive for many Americans to enjoy.  The manager of the bowling alley threw me out because he didn’t like that I was complaining about the price of entertainment.  I tried to assure him that I wasn’t including bowling as a form of entertainment that was expensive.  In fact; I was trying to convey that other forms of entertainment could learn from bowling alleys on how to keep entertainment affordable, but I was thrown out before saying it.

Saturday 8/8 8:00 PM – Oakville Seniors’ Center

I was discussing how my plan of allowing seniors to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices when an elderly man started yelling that he wanted government having no part of determining what is premium and what is generic.  I explained to him that premium dog food is generally dog food that has commercials.  He said I had no business determining what is premium and what is generic and told me to go to Hell.

Sunday 8/9 10:00AM – Bryson Park

No speeches, but I stepped in dog poo while jogging.  I went to the side and tried to scrape the poo off of my sneaker when I was hit from behind from a jogger who was texting.  I suffered a broken nose and scrapes on both of my ankles.

Sunday 7:30 PM – Vernon Cemetery

I was campaigning to the deceased, promising them I would repeal the “Death Tax”.  A woman overheard me and asked what I was talking about.  I told her I was campaigning to the deceased because I was tired of Democrats getting all of the deceased votes.  She called me a “Loony Republican”  I told her that I was an Independent who has better ideas than either Democrats or Republicans.  She laughed in my face, pinched my bandaged nose, and walked away.  If my nose wasn’t in so much pain, i would have better appreciated how she looked in khaki pants.

I’m hoping the work week isn’t as bad as the weekend was.

How I would Lead the US Out of the Financial Crisis

I would mandate affordable prices on entertainment.  Movie prices would be no more than $3.00.  Popcorn and Soda would be no more than a total of $2.99.  Because all the jobs are going to China, Americans will need affordable entertainment.  I would also limit the price of a bowling game to $1.00/game.  I would order bowling alley owners to install flooring so bowlers can use the footware of their choice instead of the dreadful bowling shows provided.