Can’t Get Into It

The wear and tear from running for President of the United States is starting to pay its toll.  I am contemplating withdrawing my name from consideration.  My campaign has taken a number of hits in recent weeks:

• My radio show is on hiatus as I try to find a time that is suitable for both me and my supporters.  I am no longer allowed to host a show between 7:00PM and 11:00PM.
• When asking, “Who is Ahmnodt Heare” on answers.com, the reply that was given was, “That question is inappropriate.”  (This has since been changed to read, “Ahmnodt Heare is an Independent candidate for President.”
• My bathroom is still leaking.  The runaround I keep getting has helped me lose five pounds.  The landlord says it’s condo management’s responsibility, The condo management says it’s the landlord’s responsibility and my neighbor says it’s “Bad karma, Man.”
• My work schedule has been hectic.  Everybody wants stuff done now.  It’s like a lemmings mentality.  Once one person asks for my services, all the other lemmings follow and want my services.
• Sometimes I feel like slamming the head of a person who deserves his head slammed against the wall.  This isn’t very presidential so I can’t do it.
• I have been criticized for spending too much time campaigning in nudie bars and brothels.  Nudie bar workers are voters and deserve to hear my campaign as much as anybody else.  I haven’t been to a brothel in two years and when I do go to brothels, it is not to campaign.

I am hoping to find the resolve I will need to campaign for the next two years.

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Riding the Gravy Train

One of the prices one pays as one becomes more popular is that some people want to ride one’s coattails.  One of the worst coattail riders is spammers.  These people will plug any product anywhere without knowledge of the topic and without consent of the blogger.

I would like to thank WordPress for having a Spam filter that gets most of the spam before it gets posted.  Some of the spam that gets filtered include “Viagra for Kids” and “Nancy Pelosi Nude!” pictures.

I understand that people want to start a business but they don’t have money for advertising.  I am an understanding person.  I will allow spam under the following provisions:

• It must be topical – Don’t plug your brothel if I am talking about child care.  Plugging your brothel is acceptable only when I blog about a topic related to brothels and you provide me with round-trip transportation to and your brothel so I can sample for quality assurance for my readers.
• It must be legal – I do not want to get in trouble for something I did not post.  If I do get in trouble, I will find you and make you listen to “Little River Band” 24/7 until you crack.
• If possible, I would like a free sample (providing it is legal).

I hope we can work together on this.  And although I do not require it, it would be nice if you endorse me for president on your website.

Impeach Mark Sanford!

I rarely call for an elected official to be impeached, but the situation surrounding South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford warrant such a proceeding.  I am not going to call for an impeachment over an affair.  Elected officials are often tempted by hotties.  I cannot guarantee at this time that I wouldn’t be tempted if I was an elected official.

The reason why I am calling for Mark Sanford to be impeached is because of all of those trips to Argentina.  It is difficult if not impossible to govern a state while in a foreign country.  If I am elected President, I vow to minimize my trips oversees and to frequent only American brothels.

The people of South Carolina deserve a governor who does not mind living in South Carolina.  Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot be the governor of all 50 states.