Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

One More Debate

If there is anything worse than the lack of quality Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates, it’s the lack of quality in Presidential debate moderators.  Tomorrow is another chance to be proven wrong.  There will be a debate on CNN tomorrow night at 8:00PM Eastern.  Once again, I will be taking my ever-sharpened debating skills to Twitter.  I don’t know why candidates have so many problems keeping their answers under one minute when I can keep my answers under 140 characters with hashtags added for effect.

I do not know who will be asking the questions on CNN, but here is a guideline they can use to look competent:

  • Know the issues that affect the voters – People don’t want to know how many wives Newt Gingrich has had or how much money Ahmnodt Heare pays for a lap dance.  They want the important issues:  Jobs, the economy, and affordable entertainment.
  • Realize that Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are not the only candidates on the stage.  Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are there too.  I doubt they are taking time out of their busy schedules to go watch Mitt and Newt debate.
  • Know something about the candidates on stage and use questions accordingly.  If you’re going to ask the business man questions about economics, wouldn’t it make sense to ask the OB/GYN questions about health care?  If I was debating, I would expect this former movie theater manager to be included in discussions about affordable entertainment.

If tomorrow night’s debate becomes yet another “Mitt and Newt Show” with a bunch of subjects that have nothing to do with running a country, I will take steps in getting people to boycott Time-Warner (CNN’s parent company).  This includes Time, Warner Brothers (whom I’m already boycotting – damned Cinemafiosos), and Time-Warner Cable.

I anticipate that CNN will remember what professional journalism is all about tomorrow night when they host the debate.  And that they will remember to include Buddy Roemer, Vermin Supreme, and Ahmnodt Heare in future debates so that Americans will have more choices (including a few that don’t suck.)

January 25, 2012 Posted by | commentary, debate, editorial, humor, issues, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on One More Debate

A Building Block

A recent poll showed that a plurality of Americans are neither Democratic nor Republican.  This is great news for independents like me.  The latest poll shows the following:

  • Independents – 40%
  • Democrats – 31%
  • Republican – 27%
  • Other parties (Libertarian, Green, Constitution, Rent is too Dammed High, etc.) – 2%

Let’s assume for a minute that everybody votes along party lines.  President Obama will get 31% of the vote.  Ron Paul will get 27%.  Two percent of the vote will be split among candidates like Gary Johnson, Cynthia McKinney, Chuck Baldwin, and Jimmy McMillan.

This leaves 40% of the vote for the independent candidate.  That is me.  Just to play it safe (because this is a national number and not split among the other states), I will do some campaigning to get votes from Democrats and Republicans.  This will hopefully be the plan to get me all 538 electoral votes, which would give me the presidency.

Yesterday’s debate was weird.  It just was.  I ended up spending almost as much time defending some of the Republicans as I did getting my message out.  Somebody was posting anti-Ron Paul statuses on my newsfeed.  There were a few problems I had about this.  The first was that these people had no intention of voting for me.  They wouldn’t say who they were voting for.  And the “facts” they were saying about Ron Paul were inaccurate or outright lies.  If a candidate has a bad record, point out the bad record.  Don’t lie just to get a few votes.

The other was a question I posted on Twitter.  I had asked why NBC had former Louisiana governor Buddy Roemer on all of its MSNBC talk shows showing sympathy for him for not being allowed to debate on FoxNews, ABC, or CNN only not letting him debate on the NBC debate either.

As the candidate with the most representation (among the polls listed above), I have to make sure I don’t lose any independents to the other parties.  Election Day is ten months from yesterday.  Independents take note that I am here to represent you and not some silly party with no dancing girls or beer kegs.  Thank you for your support.

January 9, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Democrats, economy, humor, Obama, politics, Poll, Republicans, satire, voting | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How I View Other Candidates

I look at the candidates who are running for President and conclude that I must run for President.  People need a good choice.  This entry isn’t about me as much as how I see the other candidates and why I can’t vote for the other candidates.

Barack Obama (D) – Incumbent – When he was pushing “Hope and Change”, I was hoping for hope and change.  We didn’t get that, but we did get George W. Bush’s third term.

Mitt Romney (R) – The resident snake oil / used car salesman.  I’m waiting for him to say, “What will it take to get you to vote for me today?”

Newt Gingrich (R) – aka “The Newtered One” – The snake from which Romney gets his oil to sell.  Gingrich is like the weather in Cleveland:  If you don’t like his platform, wait five minutes.  And like the Cleveland weather, it probably won’t be better, but it will change.

Ron Paul – (R) – Actually a pretty good candidate for a Republican, but will be best known as the candidate whose exposure on TV was mostly about how he doesn’t get exposure on TV.

Michele Bachmann – (R) – A rather simple debate strategy: “Barack Obama has failed at _______.”  As a foster mother of over 20 children, I envision her as putting bad people in a “time-out corner” with that corner in the United States being in northeastern Maine in the winter.

Rick Santorum – (R) – A man of faith whose mission is to declare war on Syria and Iran in the name of the “Prince of Peace.”  I don’t think Jesus approves of all the wars.

Rick Perry – (R) – He is the weird uncle that always shows up at family functions.

Jon Huntsman – (R) – A reasonable man with a couple of good ideas and some hot daughters.  The type of candidate people say they want, but end up voting for people with bad ideas like Obama, Romney, and Gingrich.

Gary Johnson (R) – The 2012 version of Ron Paul in 2008.  A libertarian messenger who doesn’t get to debate often.

Buddy Roemer (R) – The family member who has been misowned by the rest of the family.

Wayne Allyn Root (L) – He is trying to Republicanize the Libertarian Party.  He is a morph of Mitt Romney the salesman and Michele Bachmann the debater.

R. Lee Wrights (L) – A libertarian candidate in the Libertarian Party.  He’d eat smarty-pants Gingrich for lunch in a debate based on the writings of Wrights I have read.  A good man, but his party tends to shoot itself in the foot when it comes to political strategy.

Cynthia McKinney (G?) – A former Democratic Congresswoman who is not afraid to take on the establishment.  Painted as a “whacko” because the establishment does not like people who challenge it.

Jimmy McMillan (RITDH) – Stalking on his political opponents quietly and waiting for his moment to pounce.  Reminded America that the rent is too damned high.

Ahmnodt Heare (I) – An average guy who is trying to take money out of politics by not accepting donations and not spending money on the campaign.

There is the tale of the tape.  Vote wisely for me.

December 11, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, change, commentary, economy, humor, issues, Obama, politics, Republicans, satire, voting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

   

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