It’s Now Official*

*(Or is it?)

Mitt Romney won Texas last night which gives him enough delegates to clinch the Republican nomination.  There is one problem with this assumption:  Delegates are not obligated to vote for the candidate to whom they are assigned.  This is not the case.  In fact many of delegates Mitt Romney “won” are really Ron Paul supporters.

This brings me to the next stage of my campaign.  New Jersey and California are among the states yet to hold their primaries or caucuses.  If you are a Republican or Democrat, feel free to vote for the candidate of your choice if you also get to vote for delegates.  If you also get to vote for delegates in New Jersey, write in “Ahmnodt Heare” as a delegate in the party of your choice.  If you live in California (or another state who hasn’t voted yet) and you are an Ahmnodt Heare supporter, feel free to write your name in.  Send an e-mail to ahmnodtheare@politician.com and I will spread the word that you are a delegate for the Ahmnodt Heare campaign.

My next plan of action will be to talk to the delegates who are already assigned and persuade them to vote for me at the convention.  If my plan works, I will be the Republican AND the Democratic candidate.  If I can get on the ballot as the Republican and Democratic candidate, then you won’t have to learn how to spell “Ahmnodt Heare.”

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Hair We Go

Following her Tuesday night primary win, Republican Senator candidate Carly Fiorina was being interviewed about her campaign.  She wasn’t aware that the microphone was on.  She made a snide remark about one of her opponents, Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer.

Below is the battle of the hair:

Barbara Boxer

Carly Fiorina

Advice for Carly Fiorina (And Barbara Boxer should she decide to retaliate): In the everyday world, hairstyle is a woman’s thing. However; in the world of politics, hair is a man’s thing. Below are some examples:

Rod Blagojevich

John Edwards

Jim Traficant

Ahmnodt Heare

Having an obsession does pay a toll for male politicians. All of the male politicians pictured above have had their legal problems. Male politicians also pay more to maintain their hair than women do. Former Senator John Edwards once paid $800 for a haircut.

Americans want to hear more about the issues and less about the hair.  Once politicians understand this, they will become more popular than root canal without Novocaine.

What Do I Make of This?

Normally I become ecstatic when a celebrity comes out in the open and endorses my campaign.  It is usually more meaningful when this person is a politician.  But in the case of Arnold Schwarzenegger, I have to ask, “Why?”

Arnold Schwarzenegger has benefited from the Cinemafia. He continues to receive payments from them as TBS shows “Kindergarten Cop” every other weekend. Why would he risk so much to endorse me?

For now, I will thank the Governator for his generous endorsement. I wish him and Maria well in California.

How I Would Relieve Overcrowding Prisons

California recently was ordered to release over 10,000 prisoners because their prisons are overcrowded.  Some say we should build more prisons while others say we should have fewer laws.  I have a few additional suggestions:

1. Waist limit of 34 inches:  By getting prisoners to lose weight and get slender, there will be more room to move around.  Overweight prisoners will go to a boot camp to shed inches before being allowed to a regular prison.
2. Get rid of TVs and Weights:  They simply take up too much room and do little to rehabilitate prisoners.
3. Bunk beds:  Prison cells will be equipped with three-high bunk beds.  This will create more room.
4. Replace toilets with urinals:   This will save space.  Prisoners’ diets will be liquid, so solid excretion will no longer be a problem.
5. Make prison life so miserable that they will never want to come back.  This will stop the influx of repeat offenders.

With just a little ingenuity, prisons can be made less crowded without hitting taxpayers with the cost of extra prisons and overhauling the entire penal code.

Filling a Void

Now that the Presidential Race of 2008 is done and over with, many Americans feel empty with the lack of Presidential Campaign news.  Many candidates will not start their campaigns until next year.  This is just one reason why I am campaigning now.  Americans can’t get enough of this stuff.

I came to this realization Tuesday night at the Ahmnodt Heare meetup in Las Vegas.  At first I thought it was just going to be a bunch of senior citizens wanting to be fed.  I found that many people had issues that weren’t being met by either President Obama nor by John McCain.

They loved my jobs and stimulus plan.  They also like that I think outside the box.   But we don’t agree on everything.

While the seniors liked my plan on making sure they are fed, they frankly wished I leave Celine Dion alone.  Many of them find her entertaining.  I don’t know if she is actually entertaining or if senility has set in among the seniors, but I will have to assume the former for now.

Some of the people at the meetup thought my “9-5 War” would be better served if we invaded California.  I tried to explain to them that California is part of the United States and that they generate revenue that our country needs.  One gentleman brought up a valid point though.  He said that the “entertainers in Hollywood” really aren’t any better than the ones imported from Canada.  I will look at this situation further before deciding how to handle it.

I am looking for other Presidential candidates who are interested in debating the issues.  If you know anybody, please have them contact me.