Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Keep Your Wedding Gifts

Your wedding day is a very special day.  You and your love will make a vow to love each other through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, through frick and frack, all for the rest of your lives.  A certain opponent of mine (who shall remain nameless though he currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC) wants you to have contributions to his campaign on your wedding registry.   Even if I wasn’t running a penniless campaign and I was accepting donations, I wouldn’t piggy-back off of a wedding or a birth of a child.  Not getting married and not being the father of your child are rewarding enough for me.

Just because I am not accepting money for my campaign (or spending money on my campaign) doesn’t mean I am not accepting money and spending money on other purposes.  Below are some of the things I am accepting money for:

  • Nudie bar bill – Drinking at a nudie bar isn’t cheap.  The more I drink, the more compelled I feel to buy drinks for others.
  • Take-out Food – I’d like to get a pizza or some Chinese food once in a while, but my fiscal conservatism prohibits me from doing that.
  • Buying my condo – I could buy it now, but I do not wish to take out a loan.  Banks shouldn’t be paid just because a person wants something.
  • A Bentley – One of my father’s friends bought one recently.  I didn’t get to drive it, but I got to ride in it.  It’s a sweet ride!
  • A smartphone – The phone I have now is dumb as rocks.  It’s an old phone that has no function except for phone calls.

Even though I would like these things, I don’t want the money to come from somebody’s wedding registry.  Getting married is painful enough.  There is no need to share the gifts that are rightfully yours.

June 27, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Reassessment

I am not where I want to be with my campaign.  While some things have improved, there is a glaring omission in 2012 that was a big part of my 2008 campaign.  I am of course talking about the celebrity endorsements.  It has been a long time since a celebrity has stepped up and endorsed me.

It all started with Tom DeLay.  He was extremely dissatisfied with the field of candidates the Republicans had in 2008.  He jumped ranks and became the first famous person to endorse me.Before you know it, he was sent to prison for “ethics violations”, but I suspect foul play. Tom DeLay is a nice man.

Tom DeLay

Another famous person connected to politics was Levi Johnston. He almost became Sarah Palin’s son-in-law. The problem was that Johnston was no fan of John McCain even with Palin on the ticket. He let the Palins know who he endorsed on the Palins’ Wasilla lawn:

Levi Johnston

Another famous person who was cursed by endorsing me was former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski.  He was another person who found himself in a federal prison soon after he endorsed me.

Dennis Kozlowski

The fate of these people is minimal compared to what happened to the next person to endorse me.  Apple Computer Company founder Steve Jobs suddenly came down with pancreatic cancer a few months after endorsing me.  I am not normally a conspiracy theorist, but a billionaire who could have gotten the best health care ever with his money ended up dying anyway.

Steve Jobs

There has been a large outcry from people who want to contribute to my campaign despite my “penniless campaign” pledge. I had resisted for the longest time, but I do not want to disappoint all those people who want to contribute. I will have a one-time money bomb on the 31st of this month. This will be the ONLY time I will accept contributions. The money raised from the campaign will be used for things like ad time, yard signs, and tattoos. There will be more information in the days to come.

Don’t forget “Orgies for Abstinence V” on Friday!

April 10, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, endorsement, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Medicinemafia – Real or Imaginary?

I received a letter from Maureen “Mo” Shenpik-Shurr a few weeks ago.  In her letter, she was disappointed with my lack of criticism of the Medicinemafia.  I will address my findings today.

I should note that there is more to investigate, but I won’t.  There are a few claims in Maureen’s letter that I would like to mention:

  • The Baptist Church’s involvement – I have learned that what I had thought is correct – The Baptist church had no involvement and is cleared of any wrongdoing.  They have been fighting the Medicinemafia through prayer and informing the parishioners that Democrats are bad for the country.  They told me to check out the Unitarian Church.  My findings was the same, except that they told their parishioners that Republicans are bad.
  • Hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies – These groups are all part of the Medicinemafia and has caused havoc towards health care.  They tried to cover their tracks by funding Democratic and Republican parties.  My research has concluded that both parties have supported these industries for years and are scrambling to find a way to supporting the voting base without losing support from the companies.  At last check, the parties and their candidates were still being funded for their campaigns.

I have also unearthed a few other things about the Medicinemafia that needs addressing:

  • Many of my fellow Vanna White supremacists want this law repealed because of the financial hardship insurance costs can cost Vanna White (especially the “Cadillac Insurance Tax”)
  • The Cinemafia, while not financially supporting the Medicinemafia, are offering moral support.
  • The Canadian government has no involvement, though some MPs have been known to chuckle at our new health care plan.

I will continue to investigate the Medicinemafia and will report my findings when conditions warrant.

April 19, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Democrats, editorial, health care, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , | Comments Off on The Medicinemafia – Real or Imaginary?

My Campaign is Fully Funded

I just received this e-mail from J. Paul Getty’s estate.  Did I ever hit the jackpot!

From:     Barr.C.Russell <lloan20@verizon.net>
Reply-To:     barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk
Subject:     MY THIRD AND FINAL EMAIL REGARDING GETTY’S WILL
Date:     Sat, 11 JApr 2009 15:35:26 -0500 (EST) (10:35 EST)

Charlse Russell LLP
London Office  St James’s (London)
8 – 10 New Fetter Lane,
London,
EC4A 1RS, United Kingdom.

Tel: +44 (0) 704 576 0065
Fax: +44 (0) 700 606 6349
Email: barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk

SUB: LATE SIR. JOHN PAUL GETTY’S WILL

Season Greetings from Charlse Russell LLP,

On behalf of the Trustees and Executors of the late British Philanthropist, Sir John Paul Getty Jr.,  I once again try to notify you as our email to you was returned as a failure delivery (undelivered), hence I hereby attempt to reach you via your e-mail address.

I wish to notify you that the late Sir J. Paul Getty Jr. made you one of the beneficiaries to his (WILL), he bequeathed the sum of Nine Million Seven Hundred and Eight Thousand Six Hundred and Ninety Two Great British Pounds Sterlings Only (GBP£9,708,692.7) to you in the codicil and last testament to his (WILL) which is eleven (11%) of his total funds of GBP£88,260,443.00 (Eighty Eight Million Two Hundred and Sixty Thousand Four Hundred and Forty Three Great British Pounds Sterling deposited with one of UK’s biggest financial institution.

This may sound very strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely popular traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends here or abroad who wished you well. Sir J. Paul Getty Jr., the reclusive American-born philanthropist was the third son of the first American oil billionaire, billionaire American oilman Jean, Paul Getty.

According to him this money is to support religious and humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society.  Please if I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Get back to me via my persoanl email :  barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Happy New Year.

Yours in services,
Barr. Charlse Russell
Charles Russell LLP

Partners: Barr. Simon Gilbert, Barr. John Walters, Barr. Susan McDonalds and Barr. Catherine Wright

Attorney at Law
Slaughter and May

I just did the math and the GBP£9,708,692.70 turns out to be $14,230,507.66.  This is more than enough to fund my campaign.  And as a token of my appreciation, I will pay for the good people at Charles Russell LLP to get their own domain name for their e-mail.   “barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk”  doesn’t look very professional.  Barr could have an e-mail barr.charlserussell@charlesrussellllc.com.hk  I will pay for the setup of their e-mail system as soon as I get the money from the estate.

The lack of a professional e-mail address might be hurting my campaign.  People think it’s not a real address, but ahmnodtheare@politician.com is a real e-mail address.  If this letter from J. Paul Getty’s estate doesn’t prove that my e-mail address is real, I don’t know what will prove it.

April 11, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, satire | , , , , | 11 Comments

Money Bomb Scheduled for 31st

The Ahmnodt Heare for President committee will have a money bomb on the 31st of this month.  A prominent businessperson, who wished to remain nameless, promises to match the money raised from the money bomb on April 31. 

April 9, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, satire | , , | Comments Off on Money Bomb Scheduled for 31st

   

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