He said, “No.”

I thought for sure my campaign manager wanted to run for Senator.  He could have ridden my coattails.  I could have had him stumping with me in 2016.  He doesn’t want to run for Senate.  The reason that he gave me was that he has skeletons in his closet that need to remain in the closet.  I have seen his closet.  I did not see anything that was embarrassing except for a slightly overused inflatable doll.

His lack of desire to run for office did not stop my manager from setting up my campaign schedule for the following week.  My first campaign stop is Saturday afternoon at Brooke Wheatsworth’s seventh birthday party. This stop is for the 2024 campaign, when Brooke and her friends will be old enough to vote.   I make campaign stops for children because I will be the first presidential candidate that many children will meet.

I will be in Ottawa on Monday and Tuesday holding a rally in front of the US Embassy.  I will have a petition for Canadians to sign which will allow them to vote for President of the United States.  I am doing this because the President of the United States is the leader of the free world.  Many people feel that Americans should not be the only people voting for the leader of the free world.  My being the first Presidential candidate to address this issue will give me the upper hand in overseas voting.

There will be fewer campaign stops in cemeteries than in prior campaigns.  These stops will be limited to heavily-Democratic states and large Democratic-leaning cities in Republican states.  The time I had wasted in the past will not be used in campaigning in more conventional settings like political rallies and city morgues.

The week ahead will be hectic.  I will try my best to keep you informed on highlights from the campaign trail as events occur.

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Making Sense of Good News

I stumbled upon some very good news after stumbling upon some very bad news.  First the bad news:  Florida has purged 53,000 dead voters from the voter registration rolls.  This means if I am going to win Florida, I am going to have to campaign to people who are still alive.

The good news comes from the Department of Justice.  They are now telling election clerks not to purge the deceased from the voter rolls in other states.  This is great news for the campaign as long as I am the the only candidate campaigning in cemeteries and in morgues.

My Florida strategy is going to need a ton of work.  I can’t campaign to the deceased anymore because they are being taken off of voter rolls.  Florida has the largest senior citizen population in the country.  Some of them will pass away between now and Election name and their names will be purged.

Florida is also known for Election Day fiascoes.  2000 had counts, recounts, hanging chads, swinging chads, Chad Ochocinco, voter rolls being purged, butterfly ballots, and yuppie riots.  Who knows what will happen in 2012?

It looks like the other 49 states and the District of Columbia will not be purging their voter rolls.  While Democrats in Chicago and Philadelphia might think this is good news, they haven’t been campaigning in cemeteries like my campaign has.  (Though I was roughed up by a couple of Obama supporters in Philadelphia after a graveyard campaign rally.)

I will be campaigning in New York City (to people who are still living) on Wednesday night.  The Southern California Campaign Extravaganza is expecting to get off the ground in the first week of June.

Following the Leader

NOTE: This entry was written by Albee Thayer.  Ahmnodt will resume tomorrow.

Ahmnodt Heare asked me to write something today while he observes Vanna White Day (whatever that is.)  I will discuss some of the things I have learned from Ahmnodt since he named me to be his running mate.

• Campaigning in cemeteries – I still have a lot of learning to do.  I don’t know how Ahmnodt is able to know he is getting results, but I can’t tell.  I talk to them, but I can’t tell if what I am saying is getting through.
• Campaigning abroad – Not only have I been campaigning for the Heare and Thayer ticket, but when I am in Mexico, I have been campaigning with Independent candidate for President Noes Toiaqui.
• Adding to the platform.  Ahmnodt asked me if there was anything I wanted to add.  I didn’t have an answer then, but I have been working on it.  It will be on voting reform and I hope to present it next week.

I watched the few Republican debates, but it’s been like getting root canal done by an auto mechanic.  I haven’t watched lately but I heard I am better off for that.  I am preparing to debate Joe Biden and whoever will be the vice-president candidates for the Republican Party and Vermin Supreme.

The campaign trail awaits me.  I’ll be out there.  Albee Thayer for America.  Albee Thayer for You.

Vote for the Originator

Most people would rather have an original painting than a lithograph of that painting.  Many people prefer the original artist singing a song over cover versions.  I would guess that people would rather vote for the originator of good ideas over someone who copies those ideas.  Below is a history of ideas started by me that have been taken by others since I first ran in 2008:

• I campaigned in Manitoba two weeks after I first announced my campaign in February 2008.  John McCain campaigned in Canada that summer.
• July 2008 – I campaigned in Europe.  Soon after I came back, Barack Obama was there campaigning.  (Though he denies he was campaigning)
• September 2008 – My computer was hacked.  Three days later, Sarah Palin’s emails were hacked.
• I first proposed my tax proposal in February 2008.  The British Parliament tried to pass is that September.
• I had reservations with Barack Obama’s birth certificate.  Not where he was born, (I think he was born in Hawaii.)  but when he was born.  (He was born in 1974 and thus was too young to take the oath of office as he was only 34 years old.)  World Net Daily asked that very question about his age in 2010.
• I have a long history of campaigning in cemeteries (and recently morgues).  In May 2008, it was discovered that Jim Ogonowski (a candidate) not only campaigned in cemeteries, but got them to register to vote.
• One of my first platform planks had to do with the “War on Poverty”.  New York Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino stole it practically verbatim.

I was hoping 2012 would be different.  But it has already started.  It was reported that Democratic candidate for President Vermin Supreme stole a portion of my energy plan.  (The portion about gerbil turbines.  (He claimed he thought of it in 2008, but I didn’t hear of it then.)

The latest was a video (That was falsely labeled as Ron Paul supporters) that was negative about Jon Huntsman was supposedly put out by the Huntsman campaign.  I put out an anti-Ahmnodt Heare video first.

If you want a lithograph or a cover song, I am not your candidate.  (But feel free to vote for me anyway.)  If you are insistent on the original, then the only candidate worthy of your vote is the Original Ahmnodt Heare.

Reaching Out to a Democratic Voting Base

Ahmnodt Heare campaigns for the often-overlooked deceased vote.

I am polling very well in the few polls I am mentioned as a candidate. So far, the only polls that have mentioned me have been posted by either myself or one of my supporters. I can not rest on my laurels (or my hardies). Campaigning will continue to be fierce and aggressive.

Campaigning will include cemeteries and morgues.  This should offset the deceased vote that Democratic candidates have enjoyed for years.  I will also be going to bring voter registration forms should they not be registered to vote.

Once the deceased learn that there will be a candidate who will listen to their needs and concerns, I believe this strategy will give me a huge boost in an oft-neglected demographic.

Roughed up in Philly

I have just returned from an impromptu and ill-advised campaign stop in Philadelphia.  I had spent the morning in Trenton, New Jersey meeting a client.  What was to be an all-day meeting was cut abruptly when my client received word that his sea monkey had passed away.  I can relate.  Losing a pet can be traumatic.  The meeting has been postponed until Saturday.  I don’t like working Saturdays, but “Mokko” (as he is known, though I do not know why) has been one of my best clients.

I was going to go home, but it was cold.  I decided to drive south to Philadelphia.  I drove around the streets of Philadelphia looking for something to do when I came across a cemetery.  I went into the cemetery and starting campaigning.

Two men in business attire walked up to me and asked what I was doing.  I told them I was campaigning for the 2012 election.  They told me to stop.  I asked why.

“They already know who they are going to vote for.” the taller of the two men said.  “They don’t need no competition.”

“You mean, ‘they don’t need any competition’.”  I replied.  “You used a double-negative.”

“Shut the duck up!”  The shorter guy said.  (Only they didn’t say “duck”, but my mother reads this blog.)

“Competition is good.  I think the deceased would like to hear what I have to say.”  I said.

“Not these dead people!” the tall guy replied.

The short guy went behind me and grabbed my arms.  The tall guy punched me twice in the face and twice in the ribs.  The little man then slammed me to the ground.

The only thing I can think of why people would beat me up in a cemetery is that some people who normally vote for Democrats voted for me in 2008 instead of Barack Obama.  Campaigning in cemeteries works better than I thought and getting beat up proves it.