Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Where Was I?

I received a few e-mails last night and this morning asking why I hadn’t mentioned anything about last night’s debate.  There are a few reasons:

  • The debate was only available through watching a live stream on the internet.  My Speak-and-Spell is old and can’t handle both live streaming and my real-time commentary.
  • It was the “Family Values” debate.  A majority of Americans value their families so I don’t see how it could be a debate except for which candidate loves his or her family the most.
  • The day and time of the debate: – Saturday at 5:00PM is a terrible time for a debate.  Not so much for the Eastern time Zone, but for the western time zones.  At least on the east coast it’s dark during most of the debates.  But the debate started at 2:00PM Pacific and Noon in Hawaii.  Nobody in their right mind wants to sit through a debate when the sun is shining so brightly.
  • I am preparing for the next debate I am not invited to, which is Tuesday Night on CNN.  I will be in my Facebook chat room giving my responses as well as answer your questions.

As far as family values are concerned, I value my family.  I am single because I only want to go through the whole wedding debacle once.  I don’t want to cut checks to ex-wives.  It’s painful enough doing it for child support.

November 20, 2011 Posted by | campaign, commentary, debate, editorial, humor, Personal Life, politics, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Warned You About Bieber!

I have said for a while that Justin Bieber was a Canadian spy whose mission was to help destroy the Great American Entertainment Industry.  It turns out I was correct, but that was not his only mission.  It turns out that Justin Bieber was sent by the Canadian government to destroy all that is America.

Justin performed a “concert” last year at Staples Center.  Afterwards, an adult American woman approached him.  Nine months later, Baby Bieber was born.  She was 19 at the time of the dirty deed while Bieber was 15.

She now wants child support for her child.  But in order to claim child support from Bieber, she is admitting that she had an affair with a minor.  Here are the problems:

  • Baby Bieber was born in the United States and thus is an American citizen.
  • If Baby Bieber’s mom pursues the child support, Bieber’s parents could counter with statutory rape.
  • Bieber could request to become an American citizen to raise his American child.  This would just be a front as he is loyal to Canada.
  • He could also request that he and his parents raise the Bieber Baby in Canada.  When the Bieber Baby turns 18, he or she could move the United States and already be a citizen based on birth and raised to be a Canadian spy.
Once I become president, Bieber will immediately be deported to Canada (possibly as soon as the inauguration ceremony.  I would make an executive order that would prohibit an American-born child of a spy to become an American citizen.  (I would try to go through Congress and have them make it law first, but I am not holding my breath.)  I would pardon the mother of Bieber Baby’s mother under the provisions that she can be the sole guardian of the baby and that the baby never goes to Canada.

November 2, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, entertainment, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , | 5 Comments

   

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