Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weirder by the Moment

My mother and my daughter are at my place.  My father is at a nearby hotel.  I am at the Starbucks across the street from the hospital I am staying at.

My father was kind enough to pick up my daughter on his way to my condo from Washington.  My daughter gets scared when my father freaks out when he drives.  (For some odd reason, she doesn’t get scared when I freak out when I am driving.  Since I do most of my driving in New Jersey, I freak out more than my father does.)

My daughter was so disturbed by riding up with my father that as soon as she got to my place, she told my mother that she wanted me to drive her home on Sunday, only I can’t because I was in the hospital.

The trip to the hospital was the result of my fainting and becoming unconscious while shopping for office supplies (staples, paper clips, model glue).  I was about to be released last night when the doctor who examined me saw some problems with my previous health records.  This doctor wanted to know how my other doctor came up with the conclusion that I had menstrual cramps and vaginal discharge.  There were other things I told the doctor that I didn’t tell him until after the bloodwork was done.

  • I have had extreme body temperature fluctuations for the past week.  It’s been as high as 101.3 and as low as 96.8 though most of the time I have been at normal body temperature.
  • I have lost eleven pounds in the past two weeks.  In the past, I would have been stoked because I was obese for a long time, but the sudden loss of weight has me near underweight.
  • My farts smell really really bad.  The rule of thumb is that your own farts don’t smell as bad, but these last few farts hurt my nose.  I can only imagine the damage it is doing to the general public.
  • I fell asleep during “Wheel of Fortune.”

More bloodwork is being done in the morning.  Hopefully it will just be a pill or two and maybe an antibiotic and I’ll be good to go.

 

March 24, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, health care, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Taking the Fight to the Next Level

I have been vocal against the CineMafia for years.  I have pointed out not just the fact that movie-going is expensive, but I had always assumed that because they are called the “CineMafia” (mostly by me), that their evil-doings were limited to the happenings in Hollywood and the silver screen.  This is sadly not the case.  The CineMafia has infested itself into the sports world (especially at the collegian level.)

First there was Jerry Sandusky at Penn State.  This Cinemafioso had the audacity to start a non-profit for children.  Now Syracuse University’s assistant coach Bernie Fine was fired after it has been discovered he had inappropriate relations with three children.  I have written about the CineMafia exploiting children for a while.  For a complete list, type in Ahmnodt Cinemafia in the search engine of your choice.

This is a a multi-level problem that requires a multi-level solution.  There is the cost of entertainment issue, the quality of entertainment issue, and especially the exploitation of children issue.

Who exactly is the CineMafia?  They are the power brokers in the following industries:

  • Movies
  • Sports
  • Other things

With the high cost of low-quality entertainment, Americans have less money for important things like food, housing, clothing, and booze.  Entertainment has to get better and more affordable.  Entertainers and those who run their businesses have to learn these two rules about children:

  • Keep your hands to yourself
  • Keep it in your pants!

I am currently expanding my plan and will unveil it in the days to come.  In the words of Nirvana, “Here we are now.  Entertain us!”  But don’t gouge our wallets while doing it.

November 28, 2011 Posted by | campaign, cinemafia, commentary, editorial, entertainment, issues, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Ahmnodt a Role Model

People often look to others to set an example for themselves and others.  The last person that should be a role model is a politician.  I can break that trend.  People can look to me as an example (as long as they can overlook that I fathered a child out-of-wedlock and I was once arrested for possession of marijuana.)

Why most politicians are bad role models:

  • Debt – Nearly every government at every level in the world has debt.  It is one thing to have debt as an individual.  It is another thing to incur debt on behalf of a group of people.  It is despicable that this is done year in and year out.
  •  Sex Scandals – Most of the people thats get caught in sex scandals with politicians are not very attractive.  A few are downright ugly.  I pledge as President that if I ever get married, I will only cheat on my wife with the hottest women.
  • Practice What You Preach – Many politicians do not practice what they preach.  Some don’t even practice what they legislate.   They will go as far as exempting themselves from the very laws they impose on us.  I think we have enough laws (too many laws if you include the laws that protect stupid people.)
Why I am a better role model:
  • Drugs – I do not use drugs in public places or where cameras are present.
  • I don’t use a payphone while driving.
  • I have been a strong advocate of keeping predators away from children as well as lambasting producers of children’s shows for dressing girls like sex objects.

Choose your role models wisely.  Stay clear from career politicians, producers of children’s shows, and gym teachers.

July 27, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shame on the First Couple!

This was supposed to be a great day for my daughter Patricia and her mother.  Patricia was one of the children who was chosen to have a story read by President and Mrs. Obama on the White House’s south lawn.  I would have been there, but I had to work today.

I received a text message from Patricia’s mother that said, “Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom!”  I thought she sent the text message to me when it should have gone to her boyfriend.  I replied back, “You sent the text to the wrong person. LOL.  This is Ahmnodt.”

I was working on a budget proposal for a project when I received another text:  “No No Ahmnodt!  The Obama’s are reading this to children!”

The Cinemafia has had a sordid history of encouraging child pornography.  I had been reluctant until now of calling President Obama a Cinemafioso.  I don’t like to call names unless I have the evidence to back up my claim.  Today I have that evidence.

“What is the name of the story they are reading?”  I texted.

“Where the Wild Things Are!”

“GET HER OUT OF THERE NOW!”

I already said I don’t like to make accusations without presenting proof.  The proof is in the video below.  It was bad enough that the Obama’s read this to children.  President Obama had the audacity to post this on the WhiteHouse YouTube page!

President Obama, quit supporting child pornography and the Cinemafia now!  Children are not sex objects!

The Obama family shamelessly reading “Where the Wild Things Are” to children and saying “Chicka-chicka-boom-boom!”

April 25, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, Obama, satire, Washington | , , , , , | 7 Comments

What Education Isn’t Teaching

Join me tonight at 9:00PM Eastern (4:00 Wednesday morning in Tel Aviv) as I have a heart-to-heart discussion about the American education system, what it isn’t teaching our children, and stuff like that.  I will also be taking your calls at (347)-945-7487 with any questions you may have about anything.

What Education Isn’t Teaching

October 5, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, education, humor | , , , | 2 Comments

The ABCs of a Presidential Campaign

Inspired* by reading Don Mills’ post on the “The Alphabet of Damned Young People Who Annoyed Me Today“, I have come up with the ABCs of a Presidential Campaign.

A is for Ahmnodt – The 45th President.
B is for Barack – The White House resident.
C is for Campaigning – From near and from far.
D is for Driving – To events in my car.
E is for Election – I hope you vote for me.
F is for Facebook – A page for you to see.
G is for Goodness – How I run my campaign.
H is for Hotels – Suitcase life’s a pain.
I is for Iowa – Where the caucus starts.
J is for Joker – Politicians break our hearts.
K is for Kids – Their futures are at stake.
L is for Losers – Like that moron Robert Blake
M is for Maverick – What else is there to say?
N is for November – 2012 Election Day.
O is for Olbermann – I’d like an interview.
P is for Politics – Zapping the soul from you.
Q is for Questions – Answering what is asked.
R is for Radio – Secrets of me unmasked.
S is for Sex – It goes with Politics.
T is for Timex – It takes a ton of licks.
U is for United – States of America (USA).
V is for Vanna – Whom I’d like to meet someday.
W is for Write-In – And writing in my name.
X is for Xenophobes – They want people to be the same.
Y is for Youth – The future is for them.
Z is for Zest – Of my supporters (Amen)

* – “Inspired” sounds better than “stealing”. I couldn’t think of what to write today.

August 2, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, commentary, election, humor, Obama, Vanna White | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

New Video Ad

November 16, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, issues, media, politics, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on New Video Ad

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