Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

My View on Gay Marriage

This is a reblog from my platform.  With the Supreme Court hearing a case on gay marriage this week, many people are starting to weigh in.  This post shows that I weighed in years ago.

Ahmnodt Heare for President

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on gay marriage.

I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.

It is important to note that the quote above is a hypothesis.  I have no way of telling how much sex married people have since I quit peeping on my neighbors in 2003.  But what I noticed from my studies is that the frequency and the quality of sex my neighbors had diminished significantly within 3 months after being married.

Gay people are not that much different than straight people.  The difference is that with gay people, boys like boys and girls like girls.  But I am pretty sure that if gays were to marry, that the same thing would happen to them with sex.  It’s like…

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March 26, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, Platform | , , | Comments Off on My View on Gay Marriage

Back at It

I’ll be returning to the swing of things tomorrow.   The vacation was both relaxing and healing.  I even found time to campaign in Matamoras, PA and New Paltz, NY.  I have been to New Paltz before.  The locals said “Oh no this guy again!” “Welcome back!”  People are pleasantly surprised that a presidential candidate is offering solutions that don’t screw the people.  People smile when they heard me.  In fact, if my hearing was better, I could have sworn they enjoyed what I had to say so much, their joy was a laughter.

Vacation was relaxing.  My hamstring feels much better.  I find fishing more relaxing when I don;t put anything on the hook.  I don’t have to fight the fish as I am reeling it in because fish won’t bite a bare hook.  There are no worries about the fish was big enough to keep or if I had to bring it back.  And because I didn;t have any fish biting, I was able to drink the six-pack uninterrupted.

There wasn’t much to do Friday night in the town I was staying in, so I didn’t do anything.  There wasn’t much to do Saturday afternoon either so I worked on my tan.  Although I was laying down the entire time, I worked on my tan too hard and got burnt.

The town was happening Saturday night.  First there was the spaghetti dinner at the volunteer fire house.  It seemed like the entire town was there.  My brain froze because I had no plans for fire houses.  (I still don’t, but I am working on it.  This is important to me because the spaghetti dinner wasn’t like mama used to make.)

I asked the gentleman I was eating next to what people in town do on a Saturday night.  He said most people just stay home but some people hang out at the gas station.  We went to the gas station.  It was one of those gas stations with a convenience store.  There wasn’t much to do there but shoot the breeze.  A man named Dave seemed to shoot the breeze with an Uzi.  He had some stories to tell about the time he ran for governor in 2006.  He told me a lot that I could learn if I could remember.  There was a lot of information so I bought a notebook and a pack of pens.  I wrote everything down, but left the notebook at the store.  The notebook was gone when I came back the following morning.

Sunday was a good day.  I went to a local church near where I was staying.  The church had a pot luck lunch after service.  They had spaghetti (I think it was leftovers from the firehouse, but I wasn’t sure.)  I was about to leave when a woman brought out a pot of Strawberry Stroganoff.  Not just any Strawberry Stroganoff, Grandma Oudda’s recipe.  I asked her where she got the recipe.  She said she got it from this blog.  I would like to thank Janet or Debbie (I forgot her name) for reading this blog and for making my weekend.

July 12, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Another Misunderstanding

A few of my supporters were arrested last night at a gentleman’s club in Spokane, Washington.  They were charged with soliciting sex and lewd behavior.  The ladies were eventually released then it was determined that “Free Lay’s” had nothing to do with sex or prostitution, but had everything to do with potato chips.

I don’t have all of the information right now, but from what I was told, the volunteers were not strippers and they had permission from the club owner to set up a small table in the back.  The ladies wore tight shorts because they weren’t going to church last night.  One of the ladies bought a box full of snack-size Lay’s Potato Chips (original flavor).  She was going to bring them to the pot luck dinner, but thought people wouldn’t care for free Lay’s at church so she brought them to the gentlemen’s club.

The ladies also told me that the club is misnamed.  Most of the men in the club were not acting like gentlemen.  Some of the men wanted multiple Lay’s.  One was weird enough to ask each of the women for a free Lay’s.  (He wanted quick Lay’s also, but nobody knew how long it takes to make a bag of Lay’s potato chips.)

The ladies hope they don’t have any misunderstandings in the future.  They are planning to bring Coca-Cola and start a “Coke Night” at the Rehab Center.

November 10, 2010 Posted by | campaign, commentary, election, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Look at my Platform – Church and State

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on church and state.

I am for the separation of Church and State. If clergy were to become state employees, that would be yet another union that AFSCME would represent and soak taxpayers by demanding higher wages. They would all want Sundays off, which would close many houses of worship.

There has to be a separation between church and state.  If the church and the state become intertwined, then the clergy would end up being state employees and unionized.  This would lead to:

  • Paying clergy premium pay to work on Sunday.  Some churches are only opened on Sunday.  This will be costly for all churches.
  • Breaks in a middle of a sermon.  Not only would a clergy person not be allowed to preach during his or her break, but healing a parishioner during a clergy’s break would be strictly prohibited.
  • All religions have holidays.  These holidays would give all clergy holiday pay in addition to regular pay.  Sunday pay and holiday pay for clergy might compel places of worship to increase the tithe rate to 15 or 20%.
  • By combining church and state, churches would have to have services for all holidays and not just religious holidays.  Who wants to hear a sermon on Independence Day?
  • There will be a huge stigma placed on people who crosses a clergy’s picket line.  Striking clergy will also cause confusion among parishioners.  Will they follow their leader which the Bible says or will they go to church?

Keeping church and state separate  will make worship more affordable and less confusing for parishioners everywhere.

May 30, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Day of Rest

I didn’t do too much campaigning today.  I wanted to get some rest before my next campaign trip.  I leave at 6:00 AM for Louisville and take a connecting flight to Lexington.

I will be at the following locations tomorrow:
10:00 AM – First Baptist Church (1st and Main – Lexington, KY)
11:30 AM – First Baptist Church (2nd and Main – Lexington, KY)
1:30 PM – First Baptist Church (3rd and Main – Lexington, KY)
3:00 PM – First Baptist Church (4th and Main – Lexington, KY)
4:30 PM – First Baptist Church (5th and Main – Lexington, KY)

I will post the rest of my campaign schedule for the weekend when I get to the hotel tomorrow evening.

May 15, 2008 Posted by | campaign, satire, speech | , , , , , | Comments Off on A Day of Rest


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