Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Observations on Recent Events

I spent most of today trying to catch up on what has been happening in the news since Election Day.  I haven’t watched the news because I have been vacationing and I had custody of my daughter for most of the last week.  Below is my synopsis of some recent events:

  • Colorado and Washington legalizing marijuana for recreational use –  I support this and on the surface this is good news.  There is bad news and I will explain that later.
  • Petraeusgate – Former CIA Director David Petraeus resigned following a much-publicized sex scandal.  My campaign could use publicity like that.  I am not below admitting that I can use the sex.
  • Israel vs. Hamas and the Palestinians – I have received heat for what I am about to say in the past, but it bears repeating.  The United States should not get involved in the conflict until the Canadian dilemma is settled.  Canadian spies like William Shatner, Celine Dion, and Justin Bieber infiltrating and sabotaging the Great American Entertainment Industry must be deported and American entertainment must be restored to its greatness.
  • Hostess Closing Down – This is bad news on many levels.  I blame the marketing team for the folding of the company.  While it is easy to blame the management for being overpaid or the unions for wanting too much, I blame the marketing team for undervaluing their products.  I would have sold Twinkees at 40% higher than the suggested retail price.  They were at least that much better than Little Debbie’s.  Legalizing marijuana just isn’t the same withoout munching on Twinkees or Ho-Ho’s.

Tonight is my last night in Virginia Beach.  I head to my parents’ home in Washington, DC tomorrow for Thanksgiving week and head home Friday afternoon.

Advertisements

November 18, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire, scandal, War | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Observations on Recent Events

Birth Control Pills

I am going to spend more time writing how unqualified I am to comment on birth control pills than I am on birth control pills.  The reason is simple:  I don’t need them and I don’t envision my ever needing them.  Who should or shouldn’t use them should be left to women as they have the most at stake.

Rush Limbaugh recently called Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.”  One thing I have noticed is men who call women names like “slut” aren’t getting any from those women, so technically, they can’t confirm.

He later went to say that if we were going to pay for women’s birth control pills then women should work for that money by showing sex videos. Based on that logic, we should send him videos of men having gay sex after taking taxpayer-funded Viagra.  Taking sex out of his logic, it’s like the CIA broadcasting their covert meetings on the internet because we pay for the CIA with tax dollars and with drug money.

Ladies, feel free to send me your sex videos.  I will not ask if you are using birth control pills because it is none of my business.

March 3, 2012 Posted by | commentary, editorial, health care, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Who Obama Should Have Picked to Head the CIA

Many people thought it should be me, but I am not very good at being a spy.  I couldn’t get the hotties like James Bond.  I would have recommended Darren Rodriguez.

You might be wondering who Darren Rodriguez is.  He runs a private detective agency somewhere in Virginia.  He was the guy that caught me at the nudie bar when I was seeing my daughter Patricia’s mother.  He also caught me in the Food Lion in the produce section.  And in the Fairfax library in the children’s section with the library intern.  I did not know any of this until Patricia’s mother took me to the cleaners in court.

Darren Rodriguez is not only stealth, but once he knows where you are, he is zoned in on you like a tick on a dog.  This is the type of person we need heading the CIA.

I just don’t see these qualities in Leon Panetta.  I can see Panetta making the spies wear name tags so he knows who the spies are.  I can see him walking up to a spy dining with the enemy as part of a mission and saying, “Make sure you keep an eye on him at all times!” aloud so the enemy hears it.

I wish President-elect Obama  would have picked Darren Rodriguez.  This would get Rodriguez off my back be a great addition to Obama’s staff.

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, foreign policy, issues, politics, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My CIA Briefings

It turns out that contrary to what the media has been reporting, my supporters were correct and I did win the election.  I have been receiving CIA briefings for the last couple of days.

I feel it is important that I share the information that the CIA has given me so that Americans can make their own decisions.  An imformed citizen is one best prepared to act.

I have learned a few things.  The first thing I learned is that I was 100% correct about the Cinemafia.  If you have a 12-14 year old daughter, keep her away from movie theaters until further notice.

There is also good news.  We are beating Canada at their own game.  While they have been trying to convince Americans that William Shattner, Celine Dion, and Anne Murray are “entertainers”, we have been doing the same thing to Canadians with Britney Spears.  The United Kingdom tried a similar measure in the 1980s, but people soon learned that “Wham” wasn’t very entertaining.

Don’t tell anybody what you have just read.  This is classified information.

November 10, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, cinemafia, election, foreign policy, issues, politics, satire, War | , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My CIA Briefings

   

%d bloggers like this: