Transitions

I am undergoing a series of transitions in my life.  The whole process should take a couple months.  It could take a lot less time if things break my way.  I am in the process of moving to Maryland.  Below are the reasons:

• My parents are not doing well.  My mother suffered a stroke and has yet to fully recover.  My father becomes lost when he has to cook his own meals.   
• Every time it was my weekend for custody of my daughter, I have been reminded that it is winter.  This weekend is supposed to be freezing rain.
• Cigarettes are cheaper in Maryland.  They’re expensive in New Jersey and I would need a loan to buy a pack in New York City.  If I am doing business in Virginia, I could buy cigarettes for dirt cheap compared to what I currently pay.
• My business is slowing down here.  Many small businesses are closing and few new ones are starting up.  I do not know how I will fare businesswise in Maryland, but most of my current clients are set up that I can work from home with minimal trips back to New Jersey.
• Lottery tickets have a better payout in Maryland.  Funds for the lottery in both states go towards education.  I have always been someone who demands a good return on my investments.  Since our children aren’t getting any smarter, the only other payout is winning on tickets.  Maryland lottery tickets offers more winners than New Jersey does.

For those who are wondering about what the “sequester” talk is in Washington, I think I can make it easier to understand.  The $100 billion in “spending cuts” means that government will increase spending by $100 billion instead of $200 billion.  Programs will be cut so the government can continue to spend money on projects that benefit their friends.

I hope the transition time is short.  I miss blogging and campaigning.  Have a good weekend from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team!

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Canada’s New Plan of Attack

For the last fifty years, Canada’s mode of attack has been to have their spies infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry and ruin our last remaining export.  Some of their more infamous spies include William Shatner, Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and Justin Bieber.  The Canadian government has reached a new low with their newest tactic.  It is a complicated plan that hurts not only American citizens, but also their own.

First, Canada drives their prices so high that things become hard to afford in Canada.  Gas is around $5.00/gallon in British Columbia while it’s about $3.80 in Washington State.  Here is a cost-of-living comparison between Vancouver, BC and Seattle, WA.  Canadians know things are less expensive in the United States so they hit American stores en mass and hoard essentials like milk, eggs, and cigarettes before Americans can get to them.

There are two ways to handle this:  Raise the prices of things in Americs so it’s as bad here as in Canada.  This is a bad idea unless you are rich and have a ton of disposable income.  The other plan is to sabotage the Canadian Dollar to the point that it would be virtually worthless in the United States.  That’s why I just came up with a third idea.  He;p the Canadian citizens petition their government.  This will not only make things more affordable for Canadians to shop in Canada, but it will finally put an end to their government’s tampering with American entertainment.

I should mention that no other presidential candidate has even mentioned this as of this posting.  84 shopping days until Election Day.

A Look at my Platform – Poverty

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and 
further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on poverty.



"War on Poverty" can be solved by giving poor people $30/month and
sending them to Africa once a month for food shopping.  A family of
four in Africa can eat for $.70/day.  They would still have $8.30
for beer.

I am seriously considering doing my food shopping in Africa.  It can cost over $100/week for food shopping for a family of one.  This is $400/month.  It would be cheaper to fly poor people to Africa once a month to do their food shopping.  It would be even cheaper to fly one person to Africa to buy up all the food there and fly it back home and sell it at cost.  The $8.30 left over wouldn’t necessarily have to go towards beer.  It could go towards a pack of cigarettes (except in New York City, where cigarettes are almost $10.00 per pack.)

While many supermarkets would go out of business under my plan, my plan would allow Americans to eat and have more money left over for entertainment.  It’s not like the CineMafia is going away.

Making the Punishment Fit the Crime

The price on a pack of cigarettes will go up $1.00 per pack in a couple weeks.  The tax is supposedily going to go towards children’s health care programs.  It will not raise much money with the smoking legislation the way it is because there are fewer places to smoke every year and more money to smoke.  Here is how I would make sure enough money is generated for children’s health care:

• Reverse anti-smoking laws – Reversing anti-smoking laws will increase smoking, which will increase sales, which will increase tax revenues.
• Combine cigarette taxes with a lottery – 50% of the cigarette taxes can go towards a “smokers’ lottery”.  The lottery ticket can be on the aluminum foil on top of cigarette packs.  The drawing can be on the National Smoke-ender’s Day.
• Eliminate the minimum smoking age – This will allow children to help fund their own health care.  Smoke breaks can replace recess.

I would rather see the punishment fit the crime.  If we want to raise money for children’s health care, we should not generate it from sin taxes.  This leaves a bad impression with children that sinning is OK.  I would raise taxes on children’s goods.

• Fisher-Price toys
• Sponge Bob licensed goods
• Flintstone vitamins
• Diapers
• Bicyles under 24″
• Poulan Chain saws

Parents will feel better when they buy a toy that spoils their child.  Part of the money they pay for spoiling their children would go towards their health care.  Many people will quit smoking.  Not too many people will pass up on a Dora the Explorer doll while their child is throwing a tantrum.

By taxing children’s stuff instead of adult stuff, there will be more money generated towards children’s health care.  Children will feel like they’re part of the solution by nagging their parents to buy them toys until health care is paid for.

I’ll be Blogging Better Soon

I had spent the last three weeks trying to quit smoking. New Year’s resolutions are a bad idea when you are trying to run for President.  People make a big deal about President Obama smoking.  If I was him, I would smoke whenever I could.  Being president is a huge responsibility.  We need a president with a clear head.  That means if a President smokes, let him or her smoke when needed.

I have not smoked during the last three weeks and it shows.  I have made grammatical and spelling errors.  My writing has seemed more forced.  What is the point in having healthy lungs if your mind is always thinking about cigarettes?

I will smoke again tomorrow.  You will soon notice the improvement.