Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

We Won a Battle!

“My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!”

The battle against global warming is done and we won!  Tuesday was my running day.  A warm breeze from the south rose the temperature to 78°F (26°C) as I began my mile run.  I was dripping in sweat when I finished my run two hours later.  This is November!  People aren’t supposed to sweat in November.

Two days later (That’s today), It’s currently 45°F (Who really cares what the temperature for that is in Celsius?  It’s chilly, and that’s all you need to know.)  My Thursday swim was a lot colder than I had planned.  I’ll have to wear a jacket next Thursday so I’ll keep warm.

It’s supposed to be a rain/snow mix tonight and cold for the foreseeable future.  No more sweating doing strenuous activities like running and yawning.  Tonight will be a night of roasting marshmallows, getting a bonfire going, and opening the windows so that the smoke from the bonfire can escape.

The best part was that we didn’t have to use nuclear warheads to stop global warming.  We can save the nukes for other battles like the “War on Obesity.”

November 13, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Won a Battle!

Global Warming

Four inches of snow fell in southern Delaware on March 25.

Four inches of global warming snow fell in southern Delaware on March 25.

It’s time that we quit crying out “Global Warming” and “Climate Change.”  As I have stated in the past, climate change is a natural occurrence.  It gets cold in the winter before getting warm in the spring (usually) and hot in the winter before cooling off in the fall.

There are people who point out to data which suggests that the earth is getting warmer.  What they don’t tell you is that the person who initially collect the data has admitted that the data is flawed.  Nobody ever mentions that we got out of the Ice Age long before the American revolution.

For the next few weeks, I will be encouraging global warming.  I will be encouraging it until it starts getting hot.  The fight against global warming will resume after Memorial Day.

I have been campaigning and will continue to campaign though postings have been sparse in recent months.  I will be campaigning in New York City on April 5.  I will be picketing Canada’s latest invasion, the Tim Horton’s in Times Square.  Picketing will begin as soon as I get a day’s supply of Timbits.

 

March 27, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, commentary, environment, foreign policy, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Global Warming, Where Are You?

The more I study the environment. the more I learn how the global warming and climate change theories came to be.  Before I explain my theory, I will throw some facts at you so that you will better understand my conclusions.

The planet is billions of years old.  (or 6,000 – depending on whether you believe in evolution or creationism).  The scientific recording of weather has only been occurring for a couple hundred years.  If you divide the time the Earth has existed by one million equal segments, the time spent recording weather is only one one-hundredth of one segment.  This would be like getting a sample of what Americans are thinking by taking surveys of three people.  This is hardly scientific and has a margin of error of approximately 100 percent.

My theory is that the global warming theory started on a hot July day.  People noticed that it was hotter in July than it was in June, and it was hotter in June than it was in May.  These people told their theories to the common folk, and they came to the same conclusion.

My theory of climate change is that it was first discovered in October.  The same people who discovered global warming in July noticed that October was cooler than September, September was cooler than August, and August was cooler than July.

We know the weather of the last two hundred years from keeping records.  We know that it generally doesn’t snow in July and that it’s hard to get a sunburn in January.  (At least in the northern hemisphere.)  We also know that there was an Ice Age when it snowed year round.  We were able to get out of the Ice Age before the Industrial Revolution.  This would conclude that mankind is not the only culprit in changing climates.

Today was the third straight morning that the morning temperature was in the 20s in northern New Jersey.  The average low this time of year is the low-to-mid 40s and the high temperatures are near 60.  There are usually days when the temperature will rise above 60 a few times in March ,(and when I’m a very good boy, once or twice in February.)   It has yet to reach 60 degrees in 2013.  Baseball has been played in the northeast in a tundra.  It is COLD!

Any signs of global warming are non-existent here.  Climate change happens all the time.  I’m willing to bet a million dollars (Zimbabwe) that it will be warmer in May than it is now.

April 4, 2013 Posted by | commentary, editorial, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Global Warming, Where Are You?

Potpourri

I am having a hard time spending time writing on any one subject largely due to my mother still being here.  If Mitt Romney is the “Etch-a-Sketch” candidate then I am the “Lite-Brite” candidate.  I always say the same thing, but how pretty the message us depends on the colors of the bulbs.

Global Warming – I don’t normally start fighting it until Memorial Day weekend.  I might have to start fighting it soon though.  Today’s high was 77°F (The normal high in northwestern New Jersey on March 22 is 49F°.)

Tim Tebow – For the first time since Joe Namath was a Jet, there are Jets fans west of the Delaware River.  The Jets might not make the Super Bowl even with Tebow, but people are suddenly buying Jets jerseys.  The Broncos bandwagon is now being painted green and white.

Meetings – This week’s campaign meetings were held telepathically.  I have found a Ouija board to be helpful in getting the messages that I miss.

Zombies – I am not sure they are going to be the demographic that I was hoping they would be.  It seems that the Republicans have been campaigning for their votes with the zombie vote being split between Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.  Mitt Romney is still getting the vampire vote.

NCAA Tournament – My bracket has more red ink than a federal budget.  No further comment is necessary.

I am trying to talk to my father into coming up tomorrow for the weekend.  I don’t want my mother to know that he might be coming up.  (Mom, if you’re reading this, read something else and resume at the next paragraph.)  If this works, I can get back to normal on Monday.  I have to call my father and ask him to pick up my daughter even though my daughter is afraid of him.

Mom, this is where you can resume reading.  You had no business reading the last two sentences of the previous paragraph.  I’ll be done in the morning on business.  If I finish soon enough, I will be going to Washington to pick up Patricia.

I will be doing some campaigning this weekend.  Where I campaign depends on whether my daughter is here or not.  Her ninth birthday was last weekend and I wasn’t allowed to see her so I get her this weekend.  I bought her a cell phone for her birthday so she can work the phone bank for the campaign.  She has an irresistible voice and might be able to get more people to vote for me than the zombies.

I’ll be there in a minute, Mom! …

March 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, Personal Life, Republicans, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Energy and Climate Change

Climate change is a natural occurrance.   Energy does not cause climate change but its use is increased when it gets hotter or colder.

September 7, 2011 Posted by | environment, Reagan Library Debate | , | Comments Off on Energy and Climate Change

A Bad Case of Something

I woke up yesterday morning to a fever, aches, and the most congestion my lungs have ever had. It must have come from the wacky weather we have had in the Northeast over the last month. There were days where the high temperature was in the 90s. There were days when the lows were in the upper 20s and low 30s. Today’s low was 42, but we’re only going up to 48 degrees today.
I am blaming the cold weather on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. That oil could have been used as gasoline for cars. The emissions from the cars would have gone into the atmosphere, which would have made it warmer. But since the oil is in the Gulf of Mexico and not the gas pumps, we have less gasoline to make it warmer.
While oil continues to spill into the Gulf, the northeastern Unites States continues to be more like March and less like May. Hopefully, the leak will be fixed soon and we can have May weather again.

May 12, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , | 10 Comments

They Didn’t Learn

It was cloudy in Punxsutawney, PA like it was last year.  A groundhog normally does not see his or her shadow when it is cloudy.  But when television cameras and their bright lights cast themselves on the poor little groundhog, next thing you know, the critter sees his shadow and we have six more weeks of winter.

I made my point clear when I went to Punxsutawney last year.  A groundhog will always see a shadow when a light source is on it.  This is true if the light source is from the sun, the lights from a video camera, or from a forest fire.  The only reason why I think why the media does this is because they think this is how to stop climate change.

If the groundhog sees his or her shadow, then the climate doesn’t change.  It remains winter for six more weeks.  If a groundhog doesn’t see the shadow, then it’s an early spring.  The media does everything it can to see that Phil sees his shadow.  This is wrong.  The media is only avoiding the inevitable.  The climate will change to spring in six weeks and there will nothing they can do to stop it.

Artificially controlling the weather often has hidden consequences.  Once you control it one way, then you’ll have to control it the other way.  My Physics teacher Mr. Phipps would always say that to every action, there is an equal reaction.  This is why many times the weather in the northeastern United States often goes from winter to summer with no real spring.

I did not go to Punxsutawney this year like I did last year.  I will go next year with the sole purpose of taking out those bright lights before they are anywhere near the groundhog.  I want an early spring next year!

February 2, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on They Didn’t Learn

%d bloggers like this: