I Win a Straw Poll
I am proud to announce that I have finally won a straw poll. Depending on how one interprets the results, I either won handily (66.67% of the votes cast) or by one vote. Final Results of the R.U. Heare* Household Poll:
HEARE: 2 votes
CAIN: 1 vote
For some reason, my father did not vote for me. (He voted for me in 2008 while my mother voted for Barack Obama). My parents never vote for the same candidate. My father is a staunch Republican and my mother is a tree-hugging liberal. But there is more to their relationship than politics. They both enjoy art, watching game shows, and tormenting me.
I should mention that the reason why I am in Washington and not home working is because of holidays. My latest client took a couple days off because he is Jewish and will be observing Yom Kippur tomorrow night. Monday is Columbus Day, when we Americans celebrate the birthday of a guy who got lost four times.
I am hoping to gain some support for the “Occupy Pennsylvania Avenue” rally I want to start this weekend. While “Occupy Wall Street” has good intentions, it won’t be able to accomplish much because Wall Streeters don’t write laws. They only pay guys to write the laws for them. “Occupy Pennsylvania” will go right to the sources – the people Wall Streeters are paying as well as the President and the Supreme Court.
Things need to change and they need to change as soon as possible. America cannot afford to wait until you vote for me. We can’t wait for the guy who people voted for to deliver that change either. He has had almost three years and there hasn’t been much change. We have to bring the change because as long as the powers that be are being well off for not changing, they’re not going to change.
*R.U. Heare is my father, Robert Ulysses Heare.
2010 NFL SEASON – WEEK 12
Last Week: 8-8 (.500) Best Bets 1-2 (.333)
Season: 75-80-3 (.474) Best Bets 19-14 (.576)
I am posting this week’s picks on a Wednesday instead of Thursday because I will be away from the computer for a good part of the day tomorrow. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the United States (Columbus Day in Canada). I am hoping to be at FedEx Field for Sunday’s game between the Redskins and the Vikings.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President Campaign Team!
Date & Time | Favorite | Spread | Underdog |
11/25 12:30 ET | New England | -6.5 | At Detroit |
11/25 4:15 ET | New Orleans | -4 | At Dallas |
11/25 8:20 ET | At NY Jets | -9 | Cincinnati |
11/28 1:00 ET | At Washington | -1.5 | Minnesota |
11/28 1:00 ET | Pittsburgh | -6.5 | At Buffalo |
11/28 1:00 ET | At Houston | -6.5 | Tennessee |
11/28 1:00 ET | At NY Giants | -7 | Jacksonville |
11/28 1:00 ET | At Cleveland | -11 | Carolina |
11/28 4:15 ET | At Baltimore | -7.5 | Tampa Bay |
11/28 4:15 ET | Philadelphia | -3.5 | At Chicago |
11/28 1:00 ET | At Atlanta | -2 | Green Bay |
11/28 4:05 ET | At Oakland | -3 | Miami |
11/28 4:05 ET | Kansas City | -1.5 | At Seattle |
11/28 4:15 ET | At Denver | -4 | St. Louis |
11/28 8:20 ET | At Indianapolis | -3 | San Diego |
Monday Night Football Point Spread
11/29 8:35 ET | San Francisco | -1 | At Arizona |
Another Reason Why War Against Canada is Inevitable
While many countries around the world celebrate Columbus Day, Canada will not. They are too busy celebrating Thanksgiving. They couldn’t wait to celebrate Thanksgiving until November like we do because they say it’s too cold.
If Canada wants to be warmer during the winter, they should switch to the Fahrenheit scale thermometer. 50° Farhenheit is only 10° Canadian. 10° is cold. By switching to the Fahrenheit scale, Canadians will stay warmer longer and can have a real Thanksgiving in November.
My New Holiday Proposal
If I am elected President, I would make a person’s birthday a paid holiday. Everybody would have his or her birthday (or the day nearest to it) off. I would replace Columbus Day with this day. I don’t know why we celebrate Columbus Day. He got lost four times trying to reach India. He never landed on U.S. soil either. If we wanted to celebrate the birthday of a man getting lost, we might as well have “Ahmnodt Heare” Day.
The Real Social Issues
Many people have been bashing the Republican candidates for emphasizing social issues. I am not one of the bashers. I am concerned that the Republicans have been talking about the wrong social issues that affect Americans. Here are the real issues that we should be talking about and taking action in fixing:
It’s time to talk about the social issues that affect all Americans. It’s time to come up to the solutions to what is ailing us socially.
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February 24, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, entertainment, humor, issues, politics, Republicans, satire, Vanna White | affordability, affordable entertainment, Columbus Day, federal holidays, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, social issues, stupid people | 6 Comments