Taking Moderation to Extremes

Common sense is neither liberal nor conservative.  Common sense is a moderate position.  Liberals believe in a “livable wage.”  The problem with paying employees a livable wage is that unless the company was able to grow by paying employees minimum wage or less, the company will not be able to stay afloat.  Conservatives believe in pro-life and that life begins at birth.  This does not carry over to foreign policy (war) or in workplace conditions.

I am an extreme moderate.  I was going to say “severe”, but somebody (who shall remain nameless) beat me to that word over the weekend.  So I am extreme (more than words can say).  I wear my extreme moderation as a badge of honor.  I ooze common sense – the same common sense people like you possess.

My platform proves I am able to take moderation to extremes.  I have been told every one of my positions are extreme, but nobody says that it is liberal or conservative.  If you are tired of failing liberal and conservative positions and want somebody with common sense and brings a dossier of moderation, then I am the only candidate worthy of your vote.

Keep it Safe

Today is the 234th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.  Though I doubt our founding fathers had intended it, Independence Day has become a day of sun worship, barbecues, fireworks, and alcohol.  Here are a few steps you can do to make sure your Fourth of July is a happy and safe holiday:

• Sun Worship – Wear sunscreen, especially during the day.  Limit your time in the sun as too much exposure can lead to sunburn and the ever-disgusting peeling process.
• Barbecues – Do not put the grill near the house or in the house.  Do not store firecrackers, M-80s, Roman Candles, or Dynamite near the grill.  The grill should be supervised by an adult at all times, especially while in use.
• Fireworks – Do not hold fireworks in your hand while igniting them.  Do not light near other people, cars, houses, animals, or nuclear power plants.  Fireworks should be used only by professionals, but if you can’t follow this simple rule, then at least make sure you are an adult and sober enough to handle fireworks without blowing up extremities.
• Alcohol – I cannot emphasize this enough.  If you must drink, do not get behind the wheel of a car or in front of a camera.  Failure to follow these instructions can prove to be costly.

I encourage you to have fun this Independence Day.  Just don’t be stupid while having fun.