Not So Fast!
I have been the victim of the latest rumor going around the internet:
Rumors of presidential candidate Ahmnodt Heare’s death will hopefully be silenced.
My whereabouts the last two weeks:
July 18-20 – New York campaign trip: Never hire an anarchist to be your campaign manager if you can help it. The only reason why I did was because he works for free (which is about all I can afford.) He got the dates and the venues mixed up. The one bright spot was when a supporter recognized me and said that he voted for me.
July 21 – Chester, PA – Car died: It had rained Sunday and I drove with my headlights on, only forgetting to turn them off when I got out of the car.
July 22-26 – Seaford, DE: I was running my business so I can buy luxuries like food and clean underwear.
July 27-29 – Annapolis, MD – I was driving on my way to Baltimore for a dinner date when my car ran out of gas. It was soon afterwards that I realized that I left my wallet at home and had no money for gas. (Or date, toll bridge on the way back, or the spotted dick pudding my mother wanted me to pick up on my way home. My cell phone died when I tried to call home. It took a few days to find a Good Samaritan.
July 30-August 2 – Seaford, DE: Some work and some rest.
August 3 -Nanticoke River (near Seaford, DE): I went rafting in an inflatable raft. While my raft did collide with another inflatable raft, there were no injuries nor was there any damage to either raft.
August 4 – Seaford, DE: Trying to convince people who were paying their last respects that I was indeed still alive and not a clever campaign strategy to campaign to dead people by being dead.
I am alive. I am a bit tired, but well. Tomorrow will be spent looking for finding places for meet-and-greets in southern Delaware and eastern Maryland (East of the Chesapeake Bay.)
A Painful Reminder
There are people who want to be like me. While I am deeply honored, being like me is not for anybody. Not because I do bad things, but the stress of doing things as well as I do can be stressful. Some people have died trying to be like me, and that thought gnaws on me.
I was reminded of this tragic fact while checking the spam filter from this blog. It was an advertisement for erectile dysfunction drugs. Every time I see an ad for erectile dysfunction drugs, I think of the poor men who died from heart attacks because they wanted to be like me.
Don’t let electile dysfunction let you down. Pleasing women is hard for men with erectile dysfunction, but they can lick it.
The End of Life
If people want to end their lives, they should be allowed to. Personally, I think suicide is stupid. If stupid people killed themselves, there would be fewer stupid people making a mess out the lives of people who think.
I’ll be back in a few minutes.
Winnipeg Trip Canceled
Just before I was to leave for the airport, I received a phone call from the Veterinary Hospital. Fluffy, my sea monkey, had passed away. I canceled my trip so that I may give Fluffy a proper funeral. Please keep the Heare family in your thoughts and prayers while we mourn our loss.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Questions Parents Should Not Hear
I was shocked to see Patricia’s mother and Patricia at my door this morning. A childhood friend of Patricia’s mother passed away yesterday in Minnesota and wanted me to watch Patricia for a few days.
I wish I remembered the name of Patricia’s mother. It was a one-night stand, but the result of the one-night stand was Patricia. I should ask Patricia what her mother’s name is, but I should find a way to ask without suggesting I have no idea what her mom’s name is.)
I was watching one of the news stations when a commercial for Viagra was on.
“Daddy, what is Viagra?”
Why are there commercials for Viagra on during the day when children are at home and want to be informed with what is going on in the world.
“It’s a medicine for old men.”
“What is it for?”
“I don’t know, Patricia. I’m not an old man.”
I managed to dodge that bullet. We were watching “The Golden Girls” on the Hallmark Channel. There was a commercial for Pamprin. I tried to distract Patricia by telling her she can have a glass of fruit juice, but she was fixated on the television.
“Daddy, what’s Pamprin?”
“It’s a medicine for women.”
“What does it do?”
“I don’t know… You’ll have to ask a woman.”
Before she could ask another question, I decided that we have watched enough television and that we should go to the park.
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September 7, 2009 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | commentary, editorial, humor | death, erectile dysfunction, Minnesota, one-night stand, Pamprin, parenting, PMS, questions, Viagra | 3 Comments