Not So Fast!

I have been the victim of the latest rumor going around the internet:

Rumors of presidential candidate Ahmnodt Heare’s death will hopefully be silenced.

My whereabouts the last two weeks:

July 18-20 – New York campaign trip:  Never hire an anarchist to be your campaign manager if you can help it.  The only reason why I did was because he works for free (which is about all I can afford.)  He got the dates and the venues mixed up.  The one bright spot was when a supporter recognized me and said that he voted for me.

July 21 – Chester, PA – Car died:  It had rained Sunday and I drove with my headlights on, only forgetting to turn them off when I got out of the car.

July 22-26 – Seaford, DE:  I was running my business so I can buy luxuries like food and clean underwear.

July 27-29 – Annapolis, MD – I was driving on my way to Baltimore for a dinner date when my car ran out of gas.  It was soon afterwards that I realized that I left my wallet at home and had no money for gas. (Or date, toll bridge on the way back, or the spotted dick pudding my mother wanted me to pick up on my way home.  My cell phone died when I tried to call home.  It took a few days to find a Good Samaritan.

July 30-August 2 – Seaford, DE: Some work and some rest.

August 3 -Nanticoke River (near Seaford, DE):  I went rafting in an inflatable raft.  While my raft did collide with another inflatable raft, there were no injuries nor was there any damage to either raft.

August 4 – Seaford, DE: Trying to convince people who were paying their last respects that I was indeed still alive and not a clever campaign strategy to campaign to dead people by being dead.

I am alive.  I am a bit tired, but well.  Tomorrow will be spent looking for finding places for meet-and-greets in southern Delaware and eastern Maryland (East of the Chesapeake Bay.)

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Safe and Sound

Hurricane Lamar Alexander Arthur came and left southwestern Delaware with only rain (quite a bit) and wind (less than what comes out of a politician’s mouth), but no damage.  Everybody in the Heare household is safe and sound and we are all awaiting the fireworks show that is about to begin across the street.  It’s not the fireworks show that the town is having.  It’s the show my neighbors have when they have a barbecue or party and there is alcohol involved.  Hopefully, the police won’t have to come this time.

I will not be campaigning tomorrow, but I will try an impromptu campaign stop on Saturday somewhere on the Delmarva peninsula.

 

I Have to Speak Out

Despite my personal life getting complicated, I have been able to hit the campaign trail.  There is a growing dislike of Canadians from everybody that I talk to.  The hatred started building last month when US government officials were contemplating taking my advice and deporting Canadian spy Justin Bieber.  It built up a bit more last week when Canada’s men’s and women’s hockey teams beat their American counterparts in the men’s semifinals and the women’s gold medal games, respectively.

The final straw has come this week with Canada invading American air space with their “Operation Polar Vortex”.  I am convinced that this is a directive given out by Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  I have decided not to wait until “President” Obama decides he is going to do something.  The planning stages are already underway for what I am calling, “Operation Gulf Melt” aimed at Canadian curling rinks.  Anybody can roll a stone on ice, but it takes American talent to skip a stone on water.

I am currently having difficulties finding a place to host my radio and television shows podcasts.  My father doesn’t like it that I have taken to yelling and my mother keeps a bar of Safeguard nearby.  They are both doing better, but neither able to live alone.

I will be in Delmar (either Delaware or Maryland – I forget which one, though the two Delmars do border each other.) campaigning this Friday and Saturday.  I hope to see you there!

Back in Motion

After six months of an endless array of delays, I am finally back on track and I can finally resume campaigning (I think).   I have finally settled into my home in Delaware and can get back to whatever it is I do.

My first campaign stop is next Monday in Georgetown, Delaware.  My campaign manager is currently looking at a good place to campaign.  It shouldn’t be too hard because it is a small town.  But the way this year has gone, the only sure thing is that there is no sure thing.

I have received some harsh criticism for my comments about how I would have handled the government shutdown.  Contrary to rumors, i did not lock my parents in the closet all night.  I let them out in time to watch the 11:00 news.  Don’t worry though. When we go through this again in three months, I will continue to say I would do a better job.  If I didn’t think I could do a better job, then there would be no point in running for President.

Getting Back in the Groove

After months of delays and after running out of excuses, I have finally moved and in the process of hitting the campaign trail.  Getting to my new house was a bit of an adventure that I never want to go through again.

My GPS is old and not terribly reliable in finding the shortest distance between two points.  Wyoming is a beautiful state, but has no business on a route between New Jersey and Delaware.  I also manage to be lead on some unpaved roads.

I managed to get here late last night.  It wasn’t until after I unloaded everything this morning that I realized I had forgotten a few things.  I remembered to bring food, but none of the pots, pans, or dishes.  The on;y reason why I remembered the silverware was because I had placed them in my toiletries bag.  New Jersey is where my pots, pans, toothpaste, toothbrush, and shampoo are.  I remembered the conditioner, but I forgot why I remembered.

It’s nice to be able to walk around town wearing a Washington Redskins jersey without being heckled by a rival team’s fans whose team is currently 0-5.

I will be giving a speech tomorrow on the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare) and why nobody seems to be able to afford it.  Coffee and pastries will be served (but you will have to pay for the coffee and pastries you consume because that is how the diner operates.)

While I Was Away

If you happened to be in southern Delaware or in Salisbury, MD over the weekend and wondered if that was me campaigning, the answer was yes it was.  There was a lot going on in the last month that kept me occupied.

The “Move and Un-Move”:  I had to make two trips to my new place in Delaware because the only truck I could rent that weekend was a small box truck.  I arrived at the house I was supposed to move to only to find that the house was still occupied.  The people who still live there are waiting for the people who are in the house they had bought to be evicted.

“Jury Duty” – I was stuck on jury duty for two weeks.  I was an alternate juror in an embezzlement trial and had to sit through the entire trial though I didn’t get to vote on the guilt of the defendant.  (He was found guilty.  If I was guilty, I would have been a lost guilty.)

“Witness” – The week after that trial, I returned to the court as a witness for a defendant in a civil trial.  My testimony wasn’t enough as he lost his shirt (and his house, his car, his boat, and his next of kin.)

I have spent the last couple weeks working for my neighbor’s landscaping business.  I haven’t done any landscaping since I first ran for President in 2008.  I will continue to work in landscaping until I am finally able to move.

My supporters should be relieved to know that the IRS hasn’t been targeting my supporters (yet) except for those who have joined a tea party or patriot group.  Despite recent calls from people, President Obama will not be impeached for Benghazi-Gate.  It would lead to an open season to impeach any president whose policies differ than those wishing to impeach.  Nothing will get done in Washington (aside from the Congressional pay raise and the occasional tax increase).

I am still sitting in New Jersey waiting for the word to move.  My boxes are packed and are waiting to be loaded in a truck and get hauled to Delaware.  It can’t happen soon enough.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I still have to mud through some mud, but I will be in full campaign mode by mid-May.  You will know I am back in stride when the following happen:

• I’m back to blogging every day and not on days that end with “day.”  
• My podcast will be back on a weekly basis.
• I will be interviewed by either Rachel Maddow or that guy with a nervous twitch.

There are some things I have to finalize before I can move.  It did not help that I had the bubonic  plague a severe lung infection or the last two weeks.  Another recent development is that the move to Maryland is now the move to Delaware.

I will try my darndest in the meantime to chime in when relevant news happens and when I have a free moment.  My return is inevitable.  My return is soon.