A Good Sex Scandal is Hard to Come By
One would have figured with the frequency I attend nudie bars that I would have been caught up in a sex scandal by now. Or that a lonely housewife would have been attracted by my presidential appeal and would want to get involved in a little something-something while her husband was at work.
Albee Thayer suggested I hire a prostitute. There are a couple problems with that approach. The first problem is that it’s illegal in every state except Nevada. The other problem is that I only want the sex so I can get caught in a scandal that would give my campaign publicity, it would mean that i would be spending money on my campaign. I refuse to spend money on my campaign.
I don’t want to make it look like I am trolling for women for sex. (Even though I am.) I tried asking for booty pics until my campaign manager advised against it, citing that I look more like a dirty old man than a presidential candidate. I was going to send pictures of myself, but we all know what happened when former Congressman Anthony Weiner sent his pics to women.
I won’t be campaigning during the week this week. I will be spending this weekend in Delaware and next weekend in Rhode Island as I resume my “Three Electoral State Blitz” and try to win the election with winning the three and four electoral states, New Jersey, and New York.
“Update Show” Update
Due to a speaking engagement I have made with the Vegetarian Cannibals of Delaware, Sunday’s radio show will start at 11:00PM Eastern, an hour later than originally scheduled.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Universal Appeal
Being President of the United States means just that: Being the President of the United States. It’s not just leading people who pay taxes or people who don’t pay taxes. It’s not just being the President of those who vote for me or don’t vote for me.
It is because of these things that I try to campaign to everybody and not just to the demographics who might vote for me. While there might be a lot of strippers, exchange students, and zombies, those groups alone are not enough to get me elected. (Though it would make Delaware very close.)
I am campaigning to bankers, librarians, doctors, and WNBA players despite the possibility that I will not receive a vote from anybody in those demographics. I will be their President as well as everybody else’s. I will campaign to the 53% who pay income taxes and the 47% who supposedly do not.
It is not the case that I want to be President more than I want to get laid. It’s that America needs me to be President more than I need to breathe. No other candidate has mentioned the ill effects that the Cinemafia has caused on American Entertainment. None have kept a watchful eye on the Canadian government as I have.
Please forgive my desperate pleas for your votes. It will only be for another seven weeks.
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September 18, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, satire, taxes, voting | 47%, Delaware, demographics, exchange students, strippers, WNBA, zombies | Comments Off on Universal Appeal