Vote Absentee!

You’re looking at the title of this blog entry and wondering why the emphasis on voting absentee.  There a few very good reasons.

The first and most important reason is because voting is an important decision.  It is more important than the many scrumptious options on the Denny’s menu.  You are deciding who gets to ruin (or save – if you vote for me) your future.

The second reason is that most people vote after work.  It seems that everybody gets to the polls to vote seconds before you do so you end up wasting hours before voting.  All absentee voting involves is filling out the ballot and mailing it in.

The third reason is that there are many different voting machines and many of them don’t have any paper to show how you vote.  With an absentee ballot, you can make a copy or scan your ballot and you can show how you voted.

The fourth reason is that you can spend time campaigning for me (as long as you are at least 101 feet away from a polling place.  Campaigning any closer is illegal.  This is what I will be doing on Election Day.

The fifth (and second most important reason) is because spelling counts.  Because my campaign is a write-in campaign, my name has to be spelled correctly.  The only acceptable spelling is AHMNODT HEARE (A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters) (Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic).  They will frown on spelling errors like Ahmndot Herae, Amnott Heer, I’m Not Here, Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama.  Voting absentee from home means you can check the spelling before mailing it in.

Don’t forget to vote for Albee Thayer for vice-president.  Remembering Heare and Thayer is half the battle in voting.  The other half is remembering Ahmnodt and Albee and which first name matches with which last name.

On Tuesday (Monday is Labor Day), contact your county (parish for those of y’all in Louisiana) board of elections and request an absentee ballot.  It will save hours of waiting on Election Day.

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2008 Television Mention Discovered

I did not know that my 2008 campaign was mentioned on television until today.  I found out about it while talking to a trucker at the Denny’s counter in Des Moines.  He said it was big news that day, but faded as soon as it was shone in the spotlight.  There was no mention of it in the Des Moines radio ads or in the newspapers. I was told everybody talked about the news story at bars, bowling alleys, and at midweek church services that night, but nothing had been mentioned since.

I found the news story.  It turned out that they asked Maxim model Diana Falzone about my campaign.  Copyright laws prohibit me from posting the video on my site, but I can post the link and you can check out the news story for yourself.

Bad Timing

One of the pitfalls of having a campaign that is picking up momentum and organizing a popular event is that sometimes people pick the oddest times to want to talk about it.  I was having dinner at Denny’s with my seven-year-old daughter when people started asking me questions about “Orgies for Abstinence.”

I have come to accept that there will be situations where people will want to see me and I will have some less time with my daughter than I would like.  It is part of the territory with running for President of the United States.  But there are some questions that should not be asked around children.  Not my child, not your child, not Gomez and Morticia Addams’ child.

A seven-year-old has no business knowing about “Orgies for Abstinence.”  She doesn’t need to know what an orgy is.  She doesn’t need to know what abstinence is (but it would help if she abstained.)  She definitely doesn’t need to see her father tripped up when she asks what an orgy and abstinence are.

I would like to thank everybody for their continued support for my campaign and the unbridled enthusiasm many have towards “Orgies for Abstinence.”  If you have any questions, feel free to ask (discreetly).