Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

My Immigration Platform

Like many other candidates, I want to deport people who don’t belong in the United States.  The biggest difference between my proposal and proposals by other candidates is who should be deported.  Most candidates use place of origin as the basis of deportation (assuming they are here without permission.)  I don’t care what country a person is born.  Everybody should be welcomed in the United States and have a chance to prosper.

The people I would like to weed out has nothing to do with nationality.  I would use common sense as my criteria.   People with no common sense have no business living in the United States.  This includes the following people:

  • People who text and drive.  (Using a cell phone for phone calls is not the best play in the playbook either, but at least it’s possible to look at the road while talking.
  • People who cross a road without looking.  (Or worse – people who push baby carriages and strollers onto roads without looking.)  I don’t think there should be more laws imposed on people who use their brains to protect those who don’t)
  • Drivers who cut you off as if in a hurry only to drive slower than a snail once they’re in front of you.
  • People who go into express lanes in supermarkets (20 items or fewer) with 40 or more items.
  • The person (or people) who came up with the TSA’s current pat-down procedure.  Someone explain to me how 19 hijackers got parlayed into legalized groping.  (Especially since those 19 hijackers are all dead.)

The hard part is going to be where to deport those born in the United States who fit into the above categories.  Greenland has a large area of land with no inhabitants.  I’ll negotiate with Greenland for a plan that works for both countries.

February 8, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Message to Riksdag: Stop the Blonde Supremacist Movement!

The blond supremacy movement in Sweden has reached epidemic proportions.  I am calling for the Riksdag to stop suppressing the human rights of non-blonds.

Sweden used to be a country of openness and tolerance.  They will welcome you if you are gay.  They will welcome you if you are non-Caucasian.  They will welcome you regardless of your religion.  But if you are not a blond, you will be deported to Denmark before the Swedish Meatball hits the floor.

If the Riksdag does not recognize the rights of hairs of different colors soon, I will do what it takes to get Henrik Lundqvist deported back to Sweden.

December 12, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, issues, politics, satire, speech | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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