The Optimist in Me

I tend to be optimistic.  My pessimism is usually reserved to what I think will happen to the United States if I don’t become elected President this November.  But I am optimistic that this will be the last Presidents’ Day I will be celebrating as not the President until 2017 or 2021.

My optimism is not limited to my future.  I am optimistic about other things:

• The Washington sports teams (Capitals, Nationals, and Redskins) will all win championships in the same year soon.
• We will still be around on December 22.
• The Cinemafia will be defeated and entertainment will become affordable again.
• The “Ahmnodt in Sunglasses” look will be more popular than the Rick Santorum “sweater vest” look – even on winter nights.

There is a reason for my optimistic spirit.  It is because I have a history of knowing good things are going to happen.  Below are some examples:

• Vanna White getting a star on the “Walk-of-Fame”.
• “Friends” getting canceled.  (I never did like that show.)
• I would make millions thousands hundreds a couple dollars running my own business.
• I would find a diet I could stick to that would help me lose weight.  I drench my chocolate in hot sauce, which has all but abolished my cravings for chocolate and for hot sauce.

I will remain optimistic as long as good things happen.  Ideally, I would like to make the good things happen myself, but sometimes I have to rely on karma, faith, or good luck.

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Confusion Over the Budget

President Obama submitted his budget proposal today.  After all of the talk about cutting spending, the budget is still$3.7 trillion, the highest budget ever.  Where I come from, when you cut from a budget, you end up with a smaller budget.  I am baffled as to how President Obama could cut $100 billion from the budget and still end up with a larger budget.

It’s like somebody weighing 250 pounds.  This person decides that for the next year, he or she will drink diet soda instead of sugar-sweetened soda.  After a year, this person now weighs 275 lbs because he or she ate more.  Instead of telling people that he or she gained 25 lbs, this person brags that 5 pounds were lost by switching to diet soda.

This is how government works their budgets.  They will tell you that they cut the budget because less is going to be spent on education and health care.  But they don’t tell you that more money is going towards the military and for government administration costs.

Don’t be fooled by them telling you that they are cutting the budget.  All they are doing is cutting spending in programs that matter to you and fattening their own pockets.  They’re sneaking an extra slice of pizza while bragging about their diet soda.

Put down that slice and tell President Obama to come up with a better budget.  Better yet, vote for me in 2012 and I’ll do it myself.

Losing Weight in Vain

I have been obese most of my life.  My first television appearance was on the news when they showed me walking down 37th Street in New York City.  (I think it was me, as they only showed me from the chest-down).

Last October I weighed 235 lbs.  According to my doctor, I was 85 pounds overweight.  I started to diet.  Below is a picture of me giving a speech last November at the Meeting of Independent Presidential Candidates cruise. I weighed 230 lbs then.

November 2009 - 230 lbs.

Dieting only worked for a little while.  I had spent between November and June between 225 and 230 lbs.  Too many of my campaign stops included food.  I quit dieting in June and joined a gym.  Working out has been more successful.  I stepped on the scale this morning weighing 199 lbs.  I have lost 36 lbs. since last October and 30 lbs since I first joined the gym.

Weight Today - 199 lbs.

I was all set to celebrate by going to the local “All-You-Can-Eat” buffet when I read a study that read that thin men make less money.  The same study showed that thin women make more money.  Women are being shafted because they are not being paid by the pound like men are.

Here is my dilemma:  If I want to make money, should I stop working out and put the weight I lost back on or do I continue to lose weight and get a sex-change operation?  Or do I continue to lose weight as a man and make less money?