Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Volunteering

Every once in a while I volunteer in my community (or in somebody else’s community.)  Today was one of those days.  My first choice was volunteering as a dressing room attendant at the local nudie bar.  I was told that the ladies don’t need any help, even if I was offering my services without expecting compensation.  I was also told not to bring my camcorder any more.

I spend the day volunteering at a soup kitchen.  Not only did they serve soup (today’s soup was New England Clam Chowder), they also served Curry over rice and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  There was birthday cake for dessert even though it wasn’t anybody’s birthday today.  (The volunteer coordinator said that today wasn’t anybody’s birthday, but I think people were born on November 29.)

I started my day peeling carrots, dicing onions, and deshelling peanut M&Ms.  Despite my culinary skills, I was needed more in the dining area.  Tables needed to be cleared from breakfast and it needed to be done quickly as lunch was to be served in less than an hour.  Tables needed to be wiped down, seats needed to be cleaned off, the floor needed to be swept and mopped, and carcases needed to be removed.

The dining area seats 65 people.  The only problem is that the soup kitchen averages 120 people per meal.  I needed to pre-bus tables and clean tables as soon as the first wave of people left so the second wave of people had a clean table to eat.  Cleaning continued after lunch as the people left.

I stayed until 2:00.  I would have stayed later, but I was getting hungry and wanted to get a bite to eat.  It just seemed wrong to ask to eat the soup kitchen food when there are so  many people whose only meals come from the soup kitchen.  I went to a diner and and ordered an artery-hardening cheese-steak sandwich and some fries saturated in saturated fat.

November 29, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Can’t Recover on “Recovery Day”

Yesterday was my birthday, but that is the least of the things I need to recover from.  I also need to recover from everything else that happened yesterday.

Breakfast:  Patricia wanted to make me breakfast.  I thought it was a good idea because I thought one of my parents was going to be in the kitchen helping her.  She decided to make pancakes and thought to make me one big pancake instead of a bunch of regular-sized pancakes.  She couldn’t find a way to flip the pancake because it took the entire frying pan.

Swimming:  We went swimming at the community pool.  I was in the pool with Patricia as she was swimming along the side of the pool.  A boy jumped in the pool without looking and his knee hit Patricia in the back.  I rushed her out of the pool.  She has a bruise on her back, but is otherwise fine.

Lunch:  We went to a local diner.  It was a bit busier than I would have like it, but diners are busy on Sunday afternoons.  My father ordered one scrambled egg, whole wheat toast, and a small tomato juice.  At least they got the toast correct.  He was also given two fried eggs and a large orange juice.  My father snapped like I hadn’t seen since I crashed his new Oldsmobile Cutlass into a telephone pole.  The owner of the diner was as fiery as my father and after a couple minutes we were thrown out of the diner.

My father was still in an extremely sour mood when it was time for my parents and Patricia to leave.  I did not feel comfortable letting my daughter ride while my father was irate so I summoned my mother to calm enough to have him calm enough to drive.  Keeping Patricia was the best decision under the circumstances.  Her mother was unhappy but understanding, and bringing her home on Wednesday works for both of us.

Bedtime:  Patricia is normally the sweetest child, but not last night.  she gets like my father was acting when she is tired but wants to stay up.  I thought she was never going to stop pouting and stomping her feet.  It was almost midnight before I was able to get her to bed.  Five hours later, I started my workday.

July 12, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt | , , , , , | 6 Comments

Speech Tonight at Rotary Club

I am honored to be making a speech tonight at the Rotary Club in Port Jervis, NY.  I will be giving my speech on rotors and the vital role they play in American society.  Afterwards, I will be having dinner at the Milford Diner, in Milford, PA.  Feel free to stop by and ask me any questions you may have.  My advisors wanted me to tell you to bring your camers as I try scrapple.

December 9, 2008 Posted by | campaign, issues, politics, satire, speech | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Speech Tonight at Rotary Club

   

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