Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Snag on the Trail

I was all set to head up to Dixville Notch to start campaigning in New Hampshire.  Everything was set – I had some money, my dog, and a handmade “Dixville Notch” sign for hitchhiking.  The phone rang and while I was on the phone, someone smashed the front window and began to climb in.  The dog’s bark was too loud and continuous to continue the phone conversation (It turned out to be a wrong number),  The person who broke in was lying on the floor, barely able to move.

While the ambulance was on the way, I walked around the intruder, reached for his wallet, and took his money..  I felt bad as he only had seven dollars for me to take.    The money was replaced with a carefully folded brochure I had left over from the 2008 campaign.

There was still the broken window that had to be fixed.  The local window repair company was busy and could not come until Monday at the earliest.  Fortunately, a neighbor owns a windshield repair company and was able to replace the window with a tinted windshield.

I tried to leave again, but the dog was too tired from all of the commotion.  He wouldn’t even move for his “good-boy” treat.  He just stayed on the recliner and refused to move.  He stayed in the chair after he went potty.

If you are looking for a slightly used recliner, please give me a call at your earliest convenience and I will sell it for you at a reasonable cost.

Advertisements

November 6, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Snag on the Trail

2012 in Review – January

January was a busy month for the campaign.  Debates, primaries, and caucuses dominated the month.  We learned what santorum is and hope it’s not on the carpet.  A supporter decided to come up with a definition for ahmnodt before someone from an opposing campaign did.

I learned about blowback during the New Hampshire primary.  I would have won Dixville Notch if I didn’t try to dump off Celine Dion CDs on the fine people there.  It also showed that I was once again a trendsetter in politics.

NBC had embeds for other candidates; but as part of the conspiracy to make sure I was not elected, I did not get an embed to give updates for my campaign.  The month ended with a rare correct prediction about football.

2012 came off to a good start (aside from the primaries and caucuses.)

December 20, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Blowback

Experiencing blowback is humbling.  I was the first of the 2012 candidates to visit Dixville Notch.  I was hoping that visit might have been enough to secure a win or at least get enough votes to be competitive and set the tone for today’s primary in New Hampshire.  Dixville Notch voters vote at midnight and announce their results soon after.  I did not get any votes in either the Republican or Democratic primaries.   I looked back at my campaigning notes to try to figure out why I did so poorly.  It took me a while to find it, but I found out why:  I had made a terrible faux-pas when I visited Dixville Notch.

The faux-pas involved handing out Celine Dion and William Shatner CDs when I was there.  Dixville Notch might be near Canada, but their hearts are all-American.  I don’t know if this translate into wanting to go to war with Canada, but I lost my trust after trying to unload the CDs.

I am hoping the rest of New Hampshire doesn’t find out about the debacle in Dixville Notch and I can fare well.  Not hearing my name among votes received isn’t going to help.  I will be in New Hampshire tomorrow afternoon and access the results of today’s primaries and come up with a campaign strategy to have my name and platform resonate with the people of New Hampshire.

January 10, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, election, humor, Platform, politics, satire, voting, War | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wasted Trip

It was bad enough I passed Dixville Notch and ended up in a Canadian jail.  I had problems when I finally arrived at Dixville Notch.  Any popularity I could have had was vanished when I tried to unload the CDs and DVDs that the Chartierville police gave me.  It seems that I am not the only person who thinks that William Shatner and Celine Dion are Canadian spies.  It then dawned on me that I created a web of hypocrisy.  I was trying to pass them off as entertainers, even as I continually have said they are spies.

I apologized to the fine people of Dixville Notch for my atrocities, but the damage has been done.  They now think I am a conduit for Canadian spies infiltrating our country and it’s my own fault.  I tried to get a rally going to burn the CDs and DVDs, but there are open fire laws and could have gotten in more trouble.

I figured I could find some rebellious people on a college campus.  I drove to Dartmouth College and searched for some rebels.  A few guys standing by a tree smoking cigarettes.  They were more than willing to help me burn the stuff.  It took a while to get a good fire going, but the CDs and DVDs were soon tossed in.  We hung around by the fire for a while until some college hotties walked by.  The guys walked off with the hotties, leaving me to put out the fire by myself.  One good thing about New Hampshire is that there is plenty of snow around to put out a fire.

I will return to Dixville Notch someday.  Hopefully, the locals would have forgotten who I am and especially what I tried to do there.

March 4, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Wasted Trip

J’ai raté mon tour (I Missed My Turn)

NOTE: Je suis actuellement dans une station de police du Québec. J’ai été admis à un blog pour autant que je suivre les lois du Québec du blogging et le lieu de la première traduction française.

NOTE: I am currently in a police station in Quebec.  I was allowed to blog providing that I follow Quebec laws of blogging and place the French translation first.

Je me dirigeais à Dixville Notch et manqué la sortie. Avant que je le savais, j’ai vu un tas de noms de rues en français. Je partais pour New Hampshire quand un local de Québec policier m’a tiré dessus.

I was heading to Dixville Notch and missed the exit.  Before I knew it, I saw a bunch of street signs in French.  I was heading back to New Hampshire when a local Quebec police officer pulled me over.

Mon feu arrière droit était sorti. Je n’avais pas mon passeport avec moi parce que je n’avais pas l’intention de venir au Canada.  J’ai été élevé à la Station Chartierville police et détenu pendant la nuit. La police m’a demandé ce que je faisais au Canada et je leur ai dit que j’ai raté mon tour.

My right taillight was out.  I did not have my passport with me because I had no intention of going to Canada.  I was brought to the Chartierville Police Station and held there overnight.  The police asked me what I was doing in Canada and I told them I missed my turn.

J’étais sur le point d’être envoyé gratuitement lors de l’un des policiers m’a reconnu. Il a dit: “Vous êtes le Canada haïr Ahmnodt Heare! Les autres officiers en riant. L’un d’eux m’a montré la première page du journal avec Sidney Crosby marqué le but gagnant pour le Canada contre les États-Unis pour la médaille d’or en hockey.

I was about to be sent free when one of the officers recognized me.  He said, “You are the Canadian-hating Ahmnodt Heare!”  The other officers laughed.  One of them showed me the front page of the newspaper with Sidney Crosby scoring the winning goal for Canada against the United States in the Gold Medal hockey game.

Je suis techniquement libres et je suis actuellement dans le hall d’attente de la police pour l’un des policiers. Il a dit qu’il avait un certain nombre de choses qu’il voulait me donner. Il est là maintenant avec un couple de CD et un chandail de hockey. Il s’avère que les CD sont par Celine Dion et Anne Murray, ainsi qu’un DVD de l’original “Star Trek”. Le chandail de hockey d’une réplique du chandail d’Équipe Canada, une fois portés par un de mes préférés Capitals de Washington, Dale Hunter

I am technically free and am currently in the police lobby waiting for one of the policemen.  He said he had a few things he wanted to give me.  He is here now with a couple of CDs and a hockey jersey.  It turns out the CDs are by Celine Dion and Anne Murray as well as a DVD of the original “Star Trek”.  The hockey jersey a replica of the Team Canada jersey once worn by one of my favorite Washington Capitals, Dale Hunter.

Je suis libre d’aller et pars pour New Hampshire.

I am free to go and am off to New Hampshire.

March 2, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, foreign policy, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on J’ai raté mon tour (I Missed My Turn)

What is in Store

It will be a busy week for me working this week.  Most of it is due to workload, but a portion of the time is because I will spend some time in Dixville Notch, NH campaigning.  For those of you not familiar with Dixville Notch, it is a small community in New Hampshire.  The residents there vote at Midnight on Election Day.  Soon after everybody is finished voting, the town sends out a press release with the results.  It is sometimes used as a barometer to fortell how the country is doing.  (Though it’s not always accurate as Libertarian Party candidate Harry Browne won Dixville Notch in 1996.

This week will probable be limited to snippets of replies to the events taking place this week.  (Some Olympics news and my reaction to them as well as the usual stuff going on in Washington.)

The good news isn’t just that the United States defeated Canada 5-3 in men’s hockey last night.  What is also good is that there doesn’t seem to be any Cinemafia spies masquerading themselves as referees or any other sporting event officials.  I would like to take a moment to thank Canada for keeping the games clean and not letting officiating affect the outcomes of games and events.

February 22, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, election, humor | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on What is in Store

So Far, Not So Good

I was hoping my campaigning in Dixville Notch would have paid off, but it seems that it hasn’t.  Dixville Notch is the first community in the country to vote and often announce their results around 12:05 AM.

I am also hearing complaints from the deceased in this election.  Many are saying that they are not allowed to vote while others found that somebody had voted for Barack Obama on thier behalf.

November 4, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Democrats, election, issues, Obama, Platform, politics, Poll, satire, write-in | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

   

%d bloggers like this: