Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Keeping Safe

My thoughts and prayers are with Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and to everybody affected in the tragedy in Tuscon tragedy yesterday morning.

The tragedy in Tuscon has had me thinking.  I campaign often all over the world.  I don’t have any type of security detail when I campaign or where I work (my home).  There is no Capitol Police for me when I am working and there is no Secret Service entourage when I campaign or do my everyday activities like going shopping or the nudie bar.

There are people who wouldn’t mind if I was knocked off.  The Cinemafia comes to mind.  Now would be a good time to make sure that I (and to a lesser extent, my supporters) are protected.

Below is a partial list of action I plan on taking to assure safety for everybody:  The whole list will not be listed due to National Security concerns.  (Not really, but Barack Obama uses that line all the time and he sounds presidential when he does.)

  • No more rallies at the DMV – The DMV is notorious for having people leave disgruntled after having to take care of business there.
  • Trap Doors and Secret Tunnels – I will be giving more speeches in places that have trap doors.  The trap door will either be somewhere concealed on the open floor or somewhere where I am standing.  In cases when it’s where I am standing, it should have a hidden tunnel where I can escape.
  • Eliminating “Open-Bar Night” Rallies – I have enjoyed this even though I hadn’t always had as much to drink as my body can handle.  There will be no plans on eliminating alcohol altogether as this is also a bad idea.

I will not be campaigning this week or next as I work on plans on improving safety for me and my supporters.  I will continue to blog until someone finds out where I am blogging from.


January 9, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor | , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Department of Motor Vehicles Plan

This plan might be a bit controversial,and may take quite a bit of money to implement, but it will make the roads safer and drive down the price of auto insurance.  My plan is similar to what teachers use in schools to make sure students know the material covered in class.  I will be instituting “pop quizzes” in driving.  This is how it will work:

  • A signal will go off in the car telling you that you are being quizzed by the Department of Motor Vehicles.  You will be judged on driving safety over a three minute span.
  • If you pass, a green light will appear on the dashboard and you may continue driving.  The insurance company will be notified and you will save a certain percentage off of your next insurance bill.
  • If you fail, a red light will appear on the dashboard.  You will have one minute to pull over in a safe area before the car automatically shuts itself off.  A police officer will be dispatched to give you a ticket and to inform you that your license is revoked and that you will have to apply for your permit and license again.

This plan will get many of the bad drivers off the road and will make the roads safer.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, editorial, issues, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments


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