Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Social Security and Tax Cuts

Instead of raising Social Security taxes or cutting benefits, we should find ways to make things more affordable for seniors.  Besides my “apple-a-day” health care plan, we can give Seniors a discount on dog food.  They can pay generic prices on premium dog food so they don’t go to bed hungry.

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January 25, 2011 Posted by | commentary, economy, health care, humor, satire, State of the Union 2011 | , , | 1 Comment

My New Dog

I finally got myself another dog.  The last dog I had died last April.  The funny thing about the dog I have now is that it is Emma’s son from her only litter which she had a total of nine puppies.  The new dog’s name is Murray and I obtained him because his owners are moving to an apartment where dogs are not allowed.

I am not campaigning today, but if you want to say “Hi”, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Franklin, NJ around 9:30 to buy dog food.  If you don’t want to say Hi, I’ll be at the biker bar at around 2:00PM.

May 29, 2010 Posted by | Personal Life | , , , , | 5 Comments

Why I Should Have Been Elected

Every once in a while (although lately it seems to be frequently), I come across a news story that shows Americans acting as if I won the election.  AT the very least, they are not waiting until I am elected to enact my policy on senior citizens.

The dog food is enjoying higher food sales despite tough economic times.  The news article claims that it is because more people have dogs.  The dog population did not increase that much.  What has increased is the number of people who have become senior citizens.

Human food has shot up over the last two years.  People on a fixed income cannot afford the increased prices, so they resort to dog food.  This is especially true among seniors.  As the economy worsens, more seniors will be eating dog food.

If this was a case of people caring more about their pets, then there would have been an increase in the sales of chew toys and bones.  This does not appear to be the case.  While many seniors can be seen buying dog food, few seniors are seen with dogs.

Between this story and the arrest of Cinemafioso Roman Polanski, people have embraced my platform.  By electing me for President in 2012, it will become easier to enact the rest of my platform.

September 29, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, economy, editorial, humor, issues, Platform, satire, senior citizens | , , , , , | 7 Comments

Rough Weekend

I decided this weekend that I was going to hold town-hall-style meetings.  Unlike the Democratic Senators and House members, my meeting wasn’t limited to health care.

Saturday 8/8 3:00PM – Hallion Lanes

I was  discussing my Affordabile Entertainment platform with bowlers.  I had mentioned that movies, sporting events, and concerts have become too expensive for many Americans to enjoy.  The manager of the bowling alley threw me out because he didn’t like that I was complaining about the price of entertainment.  I tried to assure him that I wasn’t including bowling as a form of entertainment that was expensive.  In fact; I was trying to convey that other forms of entertainment could learn from bowling alleys on how to keep entertainment affordable, but I was thrown out before saying it.

Saturday 8/8 8:00 PM – Oakville Seniors’ Center

I was discussing how my plan of allowing seniors to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices when an elderly man started yelling that he wanted government having no part of determining what is premium and what is generic.  I explained to him that premium dog food is generally dog food that has commercials.  He said I had no business determining what is premium and what is generic and told me to go to Hell.

Sunday 8/9 10:00AM – Bryson Park

No speeches, but I stepped in dog poo while jogging.  I went to the side and tried to scrape the poo off of my sneaker when I was hit from behind from a jogger who was texting.  I suffered a broken nose and scrapes on both of my ankles.

Sunday 7:30 PM – Vernon Cemetery

I was campaigning to the deceased, promising them I would repeal the “Death Tax”.  A woman overheard me and asked what I was talking about.  I told her I was campaigning to the deceased because I was tired of Democrats getting all of the deceased votes.  She called me a “Loony Republican”  I told her that I was an Independent who has better ideas than either Democrats or Republicans.  She laughed in my face, pinched my bandaged nose, and walked away.  If my nose wasn’t in so much pain, i would have better appreciated how she looked in khaki pants.

I’m hoping the work week isn’t as bad as the weekend was.

August 10, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Democrats, entertainment, humor, issues, politics, Republicans, satire, senior citizens | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

30,000 Supporters and Growing!

I would like all 30,000 people who have decided to join my campaign.  Together we will conquer the Cinemafia and we will make dog food affordable so seniors will never go hungry.  Thank you all for your continued support.

June 6, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, cinemafia, issues, Platform, politics, senior citizens | , , , | 1 Comment

A Look at my Platform – Senior Citizens

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on senior citizens.

Seniors should be allowed to eat healthier than Social Security allows. My plan for them would allow them to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices.

*I have been following the trials and tribulations of one Donald Mills.  He thinks that many of the social ills are the fault of “young people.”  I don’t think that young people are the cause of today’s problems, but I can see where Mr. Mills is bothered with young people.   As a young man (compared to Mr. Mills), I am offering a set of programs aimed at helping senior citizens.

  • Premium dog food at generic dog food prices:  This will allow seniors to get high quality food without busting their budgets.  As the economy gets worse, many seniors will look to dog food as a form of nourishment.
  • My plan will give every senior citizen a food processor as part of my health care plan:  Apples are an important part of staying healthy, but many old people wear dentures.  The food processor will allow them to make apple sauce and apple juice, neither of which require teeth.
  • “All-in-One” Senior Citizens Centers:  This plan will allow seniors to get denture cream and incontinence products  at the same place they play Bingo.  Doctors’ offices and a pharmacy will also be here as well as a place to buy milk, eggs, bread, and dog food.  Time will be saved traveling and it will give seniors more time to nap.
  • Laundry:  Seniors will be able to get lemon scented laundry detergent for the same price as unscented detergent.  This will get the “old people” smell out of their clothes and help foster relationships with the visually impaired.

As much as I want to help the seniors with these programs, none of them will get enacted unless I am elected president.  This is where I need your help.  If you are having problems with your memory, send me an e-mail and I will remind you to vote for me when it is time to vote.  Thank you for your consideration.

* – Originally appeared on May 16, 2009.  I reposted this entry because I wanted to keep all of the platform entries together.

May 29, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, economy, editorial, Platform, satire, senior citizens | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Plan for Senior Citizens

I have been following the trials and tribulations of one Donald Mills.  He thinks that many of the social ills are the fault of “young people.”  I don’t think that young people are the cause of today’s problems, but I can see where Mr. Mills is bothered with young people.   As a young man (compared to Mr. Mills), I am offering a set of programs aimed at helping senior citizens.

  • Premium dog food at generic dog food prices:  This will allow seniors to get high quality food without busting their budgets.  As the economy gets worse, many seniors will look to dog food as a form of nourishment.
  • My plan will give every senior citizen a food processor as part of my health care plan:  Apples are an important part of staying healthy, but many old people wear dentures.  The food processor will allow them to make apple sauce and apple juice, neither of which require teeth.
  • “All-in-One” Senior Citizens Centers:  This plan will allow seniors to get denture cream and incontinence products  at the same place they play Bingo.  Doctors’ offices and a pharmacy will also be here as well as a place to buy milk, eggs, bread, and dog food.  Time will be saved traveling and it will give seniors more time to nap.
  • Laundry:  Seniors will be able to get lemon scented laundry detergent for the same price as unscented detergent.  This will get the “old people” smell out of their clothes and help foster relationships with the visually impaired.

As much as I want to help the seniors with these programs, none of them will get enacted unless I am elected president.  This is where I need your help.  If you are having problems with your memory, send me an e-mail and I will remind you to vote for me when it is time to vote.  Thank you for your consideration,

May 16, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, economy, satire, senior citizens | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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