Snag on the Trail

I was all set to head up to Dixville Notch to start campaigning in New Hampshire.  Everything was set – I had some money, my dog, and a handmade “Dixville Notch” sign for hitchhiking.  The phone rang and while I was on the phone, someone smashed the front window and began to climb in.  The dog’s bark was too loud and continuous to continue the phone conversation (It turned out to be a wrong number),  The person who broke in was lying on the floor, barely able to move.

While the ambulance was on the way, I walked around the intruder, reached for his wallet, and took his money..  I felt bad as he only had seven dollars for me to take.    The money was replaced with a carefully folded brochure I had left over from the 2008 campaign.

There was still the broken window that had to be fixed.  The local window repair company was busy and could not come until Monday at the earliest.  Fortunately, a neighbor owns a windshield repair company and was able to replace the window with a tinted windshield.

I tried to leave again, but the dog was too tired from all of the commotion.  He wouldn’t even move for his “good-boy” treat.  He just stayed on the recliner and refused to move.  He stayed in the chair after he went potty.

If you are looking for a slightly used recliner, please give me a call at your earliest convenience and I will sell it for you at a reasonable cost.

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I Smell a Conspiracy

I was looking at all of the mishaps that happened to my 2008 campaign and dismissed them as a bad stretch of luck at a bad time.  I was on the verge of winning the election before my old computer crashed, my dog kept getting sick during the debates (smart dag), and having to move from North Carolina to New Jersey after a series of mishaps.

Now to 2012:  The computer I got to replace my old computer crashed.  The dog I had passed away, but the dog I have now has to do his business during debates.  As far as I know I am not moving, but I might have to spend some time away from home as repairs are done to the pipes underneath my cement floor.  I think the CineMafia is responsible for this now as well as in 2008.  Nobody has more to lose if I become President then they do.  Even Canada wouldn’t spend that much time and resources to make sure I don’t win.  (Although the NHL is currently in lockout mode,  unfortunately Gary Bettman is an American).

I have announced recently that I currently do not plan on running for President in 2016.  If there is an overwhelming call from the public then I will change my mind and run.  I will have to keep the following things in mind:

• If my dog passes between now and October 2016, then I will not get a new dog until after the 2016 election.
• Buy a new computer before October 2016 and keep it away until the computer I am getting later this week breaks down.
• Find a place to live that can survive the tough October weather in New Jersey.
• Find a campaign manager who isn’t an anarchist and is only managing the campaign “for kicks.”

On the “Good News – Bad News” Front – I did my first “Three cities in three states in three hours” campaign bit today,  I walked from Matamoras, PA to Port Jervis, NY, to Montague, NJ and campaigned in each of those cities.  The only problems were that it rained the entire time and that I had to walk back to Matamoras to pick up my car.

Hitting the Road

This Thursday I will be embarking on a five-day campaign trip that will take me through Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina.  Right now the only thing that is anything near planned is a small rally in Winston-Salem.  I am open to other rallies (especially on Monday morning and afternoon.)

I might give an impromptu speech in front of the very spot where I first decided to get involved in politics in 1998 when I ran for Senate,  (I was beating John Edwards and Lauch Faircloth in polls when people found out I wasn’t eligible due to age.)

This was supposed to be part of a longer trip that would have brought me into Washington DC the following weekend for my daughter’s birthday.    While I was able to find someone who could take care of the dog for that time, I couldn’t find anybody to watch my pet ants or water my bread mold beyond Monday.  I’ll be back home Monday evening only to head to Washington that Friday.  OPEC is starting to love me.

Looking for a Pet

I love animals.  I like having pets.  My problem is that the last couple of pets I had died.  My dog Emma died last year.  Fluffy died the year before.  Studies show that having a pet is healthy and that pet owners are happier than non-pet owners.  The study didn’t mention that the happiness disappears once a pet dies.

I am looking for a new pet.  Hopefully the pet won’t die the day before a campaign trip (like Fluffy did).  The pet should be:

• Cute enough to attract hotties.
• Be able to do its business in a designated area.
• Not bite me.  Ever,
• Be able to survive the day before I go on a campaign trip.

This is my 900th post – two years and two days after my first post.

How a Slow Day Goes

I am taking this week off for two reasons.  The first reason is because the week between Christmas and New Year’s is not very productive.  People tend to be recovering from one holiday and looking forward to the next holiday.   The second reason is because few clients are looking for marketing projects in this time period.

I am also limiting campaigning this week.  It seems I do my best campaigning when I am busy with other things and running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Below is my schedule for today:

8:00 – Wake up, shower, get dressed, and walk the dog.  – Self explanatory for most people. For those who need more of an explanation, I will videotape the last two things I do on the list. I can’t videotape myself showering for legal reasons and I can’t videotape myself waking up because by the time I get the video camera, I am already awake.
9:00 – Walk to Staples – Staples is about 4 miles from here so it will take me about three hours to get there. I’m not a fast walker and I like to absorb the scenery.
12:15 – Arrive at Staples – I took mental notes of things I need for my office, like pens, paper, printer paper, and popcorn. I will buy these items later in the week when I drive to the store. I did buy a new GPS system. The old GPS was old and outdated. It had things like “Oregon Territory” on it. The new one I have has roads and bridges on it. It also updates itself and offers where gas stations and restaurants are.
3:00 – Stopped in the diner for a sandwich and a coffee. It was a slow time at the diner so there was nobody to talk politics with. One thing I noticed is the cook who normally wears a New York Giants cap was wearing a New York Yankees cap instead today.
4:30 – Arrived home – installed the GPS in my car.
6:15 – Walked the dog – just in time too as he pooped just past the bottom step.
6:40 – started writing this blog entry and ordered pizza delivery. I don’t like too many toppings so I limit myself to pepperoni, sausage, meatball, anchovies, chocolate chips and extra cheese.
7:30 – “Wheel of Fortune” – as if you didn’t already know why.

8:00 – Monday Night Football – Vikings at Bears – I will root for Minnesota because I don’t like Jay Cutler.

11:45 (approx. after football) – read and answer fan e-mail.

11:46 – Bed

Rough Weekend

I decided this weekend that I was going to hold town-hall-style meetings.  Unlike the Democratic Senators and House members, my meeting wasn’t limited to health care.

Saturday 8/8 3:00PM – Hallion Lanes

I was  discussing my Affordabile Entertainment platform with bowlers.  I had mentioned that movies, sporting events, and concerts have become too expensive for many Americans to enjoy.  The manager of the bowling alley threw me out because he didn’t like that I was complaining about the price of entertainment.  I tried to assure him that I wasn’t including bowling as a form of entertainment that was expensive.  In fact; I was trying to convey that other forms of entertainment could learn from bowling alleys on how to keep entertainment affordable, but I was thrown out before saying it.

Saturday 8/8 8:00 PM – Oakville Seniors’ Center

I was discussing how my plan of allowing seniors to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices when an elderly man started yelling that he wanted government having no part of determining what is premium and what is generic.  I explained to him that premium dog food is generally dog food that has commercials.  He said I had no business determining what is premium and what is generic and told me to go to Hell.

Sunday 8/9 10:00AM – Bryson Park

No speeches, but I stepped in dog poo while jogging.  I went to the side and tried to scrape the poo off of my sneaker when I was hit from behind from a jogger who was texting.  I suffered a broken nose and scrapes on both of my ankles.

Sunday 7:30 PM – Vernon Cemetery

I was campaigning to the deceased, promising them I would repeal the “Death Tax”.  A woman overheard me and asked what I was talking about.  I told her I was campaigning to the deceased because I was tired of Democrats getting all of the deceased votes.  She called me a “Loony Republican”  I told her that I was an Independent who has better ideas than either Democrats or Republicans.  She laughed in my face, pinched my bandaged nose, and walked away.  If my nose wasn’t in so much pain, i would have better appreciated how she looked in khaki pants.

I’m hoping the work week isn’t as bad as the weekend was.

Campaigning Events for Tonight Canceled

Emma 1999-2009

She was a wonderful dog and will be missed.