Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Adjusting to Daylight Saving Time

For those of you who are new to my blog, I am not a fan of Daylight Saving Time. I am a fan of sleep.  My dog is a fan of sleep and refuses to wake up an hour early or wait an extra hour to poop.  Since Washington has refused to do anything about it,  I have taken matters into my own hands.

There are some things I could not change (The hours that businesses, television schedules, and the nudie bar operate).  The things I could change were changed.  Instead of getting up at 5:00AM during standard time, I wake up at 6:00 during daylight time.  And instead of going to bed at 10:30PM, I now go to bed at 11:30PM.  This leaves one fewer hour to putz around in the morning, but it gives me an extra hour to unwind after work.  The advantage to working from home is that it allows me to adjust the time I eat my meals and surf the web looking at porn reading the news.

To some people, this is the start of daylight saving time.  To others, it’s the end of darkness saving time.  To me, it’s doing things an hour sooner after I wake up than I would have otherwise.  That’s how I roll.

Advertisements

March 11, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, Personal Life | , , , , , | Comments Off on Adjusting to Daylight Saving Time

I Would Advise Against Doing This

New Mexico Man Registers Dog to Vote

Like any other candidate, I am looking for ways to get people registered to vote and to vote (specifically for me.)  the keyword is “people.”  My niche has been to include the deceased providing they can find a way to get to the polls and vote.  I would advise against allowing dogs to vote.

It’s hard enough to teach a dog how to fetch a stick, sit, or to play dead (not for voting purposes.)  Getting a dog to 1)fill out a registration ballot, 2) learn the issues and candidates, 3)teach how to read a ballot, and 4)how to cast a vote is too much for even the smartest dog to learn.

My neighbor is a registered dog trainer.  I asked her how much it would cost to have my dog to be trained to vote.  My dog meets the basic criteria for voting: 1)He’s a U.S. citizen.  2)He is 77 years old (in dog years.) and 3)has never been convicted of a crime.  (He did it, but there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him.)  She said that dogs can’t be trained to vote because the thought process involved in voting is too much for dogs.  She has a point, judging by the people currently in office, voting might be too much for many humans to handle.

My dog would have another problem.  Since I am writing a write-in campaign, my dog would have to learn to write my name and know which spot to write my name.

"I'm not chasing after no stick!"

And before you think about it, cats are worse.  They’re into doing their own thing, including voting for whom they want.  It doesn’t matter how much you love them, feed them, or clean out their box.  Cats are cats and they’re going to do their own thing.

March 1, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire, voting | , , , | Comments Off on I Would Advise Against Doing This

A Campaign Day in Haiku

6:00AM

I got out of bed

And did my business so that

The dog could do his.

7:00AM

Eggs on a hard roll

Coffee and a Budweiser

Breakfast for a champ.

8:00AM

Watched the morning news

Wondering what’s happening

I still do not know.

9:00AM

Headed into town

To hand out literature

Of campaign issues

10:00AM

Literature snatched

Because cops hate my permit

The First Amendment

11:00AM

Talked to movie fans

And told them all about the

Cinemafia.

12:00PM

Went to the diner

And discussed my health care plan

“An Apple A Day.”

1:00PM

Went to hardware store

Rebuilding America

One nail at a time.

2:00PM

The Supermarket

Prices are so expensive

Shoplifting’s still free.

3:00PM

Walked the dog again

He did his business outside

Not on the carpet.

4:00PM

On-air interview

Canceled at the last minute.

One less thing to do.

5:00PM

Went to grab a beer

The bottles were all empty

From hearty breakfast.

6:00PM

“Family Guy”‘s on

I can’t watch them Sunday nights

Sunday Night Football.

7:00PM

Time to make dinner

Still have turkey leftover

From Thanksgiving night.

8:00PM

Talking to masses

Can be very difficult

With glitches abound.

9:00PM

Fixing the glitches

But the masses had all left

Will try again soon.

10:00PM

Enough of this day

Tomorrow will be better

Now I’m off to bed.

December 1, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, cinemafia, health care, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Double Blog Duty

For some people, this blog is not enough for their daily Ahmnodt fix.  I have tried to convince them to seep professional help, but to no avail.  After much fretting in my mind, I have finally caved in.  For the entire month of May, (Sundays excluded) I will also be blogging at my other blog, Formulated Randomness.  The theme for the month of May will be the A-Z of my life.

I had been spending the last week dog-sitting for a client up in the Catskills.  Murray got to play with some other dogs.  It was a lot more work than I thought as the other dogs all had a ton of energy.  As President, I would put those dogs (and other dogs with a lot of energy) on a treadmill attached to a turbine.  This will lessen our dependence on foreign oil.

I also picked up an impromptu client while picking up lunch at a local deli.  I only picked it up because the project was supposed to be easy and be only one day.  I have been very busy and am not only getting a chance to unwind as my usual client has returned.

I’m back home and planning for tomorrow night’s podcast.  It will be about current events as well as campaign updates.

May 5, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, humor | , , | 6 Comments

Aura of a Monday

Today is Saturday, though it has the look and feel of a Monday.  In fact, I’ve experienced more Monday before 9:00AM than I normally feel all day.

It started as soon as I woke up at 6:30.  I went to stretch my arms while yawning and one of my arms got caught in the blankets.  I managed to yank my arm out of the blankets, but somehow sprained my wrist.

I had just stepped in the shower when I heard a crash.  It wasn’t the crash of dishes hitting the ground.  It was a crash of one car hitting another car.  My daughter Patricia was soon pounding on the bathroom door screaming, “Daddy!  Daddy!  Someone hit your car!  Someone hit your car!”  I looked out the window and saw a car leave the driveway.  Patricia said the car was turning around and it hit my car while turning around.

It was time to walk the dog.  (I’m not one of those “Bring the dog everywhere you go” type of dog owners, but I couldn’t find anybody to watch him over the weekend.)  I put Murray on his leash and opened the door.  As I went to grab the pooper-scooper, Murray spotted a squirrel and tried to chase it.  He hurt his hind legs because I was holding on the leash tighter than normal.

I have had enough trauma for one day.  Now it’s time to bring Patricia to the mall to see Santa Claus.  Nothing is like going to the mall on Thanksgiving weekend.  Wish me luck.

November 27, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Fell Back

Some people look at today as an opportunity to gain an extra hour of sleep.  I tried to make it as an extra hour of partying and sleep up on regular sleep.  Unfortunately, my dog is half-rooster and wakes up at the crack of dawn whether the crack of dawn comes at 6AM or 8AM or 10PM.

I realized the hard way that my dog’s body functions do not observe Daylight Saving Time.  He has to go potty as soon as the sun rises.  The sun did not rise at 7:35 AM yesterday.  Today, it rose at 6:36 thanks to setting the clock back.  It is things like this that make me against Daylight Saving Time.

As long as we have Daylight Saving Time, I will have to go to bed an hour earlier during Standard Time or I will be waking up an hour groggier.  Switching back and forth affects alertness, and studies show this.  The two weeks with the most auto accidents not weather-related are the week following setting our clocks ahead and the week following our clocks back.

I have decided that I will no longer be observing Daylight Saving Time.  When you set your clocks ahead on March 13, 2011, I will not.  I will not be getting into an accident and I will not be tinkering with my dog’s biological clock.  I’ll just act like I am living in the Central Time Zone during the spring and summer months.

November 7, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My New Dog

I finally got myself another dog.  The last dog I had died last April.  The funny thing about the dog I have now is that it is Emma’s son from her only litter which she had a total of nine puppies.  The new dog’s name is Murray and I obtained him because his owners are moving to an apartment where dogs are not allowed.

I am not campaigning today, but if you want to say “Hi”, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Franklin, NJ around 9:30 to buy dog food.  If you don’t want to say Hi, I’ll be at the biker bar at around 2:00PM.

May 29, 2010 Posted by | Personal Life | , , , , | 5 Comments

%d bloggers like this: