Sneaking Up on Me
Election Day is less than a month away. I hadn’t given it much thought because I moved within a month of Election Day and am ineligible to vote. I’m not running for office this year, so there isn’t this “last-minute” campaigning that I usually do when after four years of campaigning I am still polling in the single digits. (By “single-digits”, I mean single-digits of votes and not percentage of votes.)
For those who are new to the campaign, “Orgies for Abstinence” is a movement I started in 2009. This event takes place twice a year. The first one occurs the Friday after Easter. This allows people who swore off abstinence for Lent to get back to their ways. The second happens on Election Night. This allows Americans feel what is like being a politician feels towards the people. “Orgies for Abstinence” is just like fighting for peace. Since politicians love the latter, it should make sense that they would like the former.
I haven’t planned an “Orgies for Abstinence” and it is unlikely that I will be able to plan one with the awesomeness that people expect from my Orgies for Abstinence campaigns. I do plan on partaking on the festivities providing there is one happening on the Delmarva peninsula. There is too much happening in my personal life (Taking care of my parents, looking for a business niche to fill, walking the dog every day, and finding a dominatrix who uses safe words I can pronounce.
What is the Media Thinking?
All week the media has been fixated on allegations against Herman Cain involving sexual harassment in the 1990’s. This has gotten more coverage than when both John Edwards and Newt Gingrich cheated on their cancer-stricken wives. It used to be that the media didn’t cover a sex story unless there was actual sex. Usually a bastard child was presented as proof of an affair. But as abortions became more commonplace, the child was replaced with hush money and funding for abortions.
There was no sex between Herman Cain and the at least four women who have claimed sexual harassment charges against him. But the way the media has been covering it, you would think every pregnant woman is carrying Herman Cain’s baby (with the possible exception of his wife.)
If the media really wants to cover a candidate with a wild sexual past, they should cover my campaign. My daughter Patricia is a beautiful girl, but she was the result of a one-night stand. Then there was the phase with the dominatrix. I think all of the pictures have been destroyed. (At least I paid good money for those pictures to be destroyed, especially the ones with me in a school-girl outfit.)
The reason why I think Herman Cain is getting more press for his exploits than I did for mine is mathematics. 9-9-9 > 6-9 so 9-9-9 gets priority in the news because it is a larger number. That’s the only reason I could think of/
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
The Problem With Debates
There are two points I got from last night’s debate:
I’m not going to talk about the first point too much, but the second point summarizes much of what is wrong with America today. Leaders are expected to obey rules as much as the general public is. When a moderator says “Two Minutes,” she means two minutes. She doesn’t mean two minutes and “I just want to add,” when time expires. The same thing happens in Congress during a floor debate. A Representative asks to speak for two minutes but never finishes in two minutes. He or she always asks for more time. This is poor preparation and our leaders should be well prepared.
Another thing that grinds my gears about last night’s debate is that Obama and Romney kept interrupting each other. A real leader has to be able to listen and save his or her comments until after the debater is finished speaking. My Dominatrix always lets me speak before She cracks Her whip and yells, “SILENCE!” (Not that I say much in Her presence.)
How can we expect politicians to obey the law then they can’t even follow a few simple rules? Until they do, things will never get better.
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October 17, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | commentary, debate, editorial, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire | Congress, dominatrix, interruptions, laws, moderator, preparation, rules, What's wrong with America | Comments Off on The Problem With Debates