Time to Step Up My Game

There has been a lot going on in my life the last year that had taken away valuable campaigning time.  My parents have both moved into adult care facilities.  I lost a custody battle for my daughter and she now lives in Italy with her mother.  “American Idol” ended before I could audition.  My campaign email has been hacked and I no longer have access to your letters or correspondences I have been getting from Nigerian princes.  (It seems that my campaign is popular in Nigeria.)

I was considering suspending my campaign for the rest of the election cycle until I heard that Donald Trump was the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party.  It also looks like that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic Party candidate.

I am looking for places to campaign.  If you know of a rally, bar mitzvah, or memorial service looking for a speaker, feel free to correspond.

The new updated contact information will be posted providing that I remember the email address or phone number.  I don’t email or call myself often enough to know those things by heart.  At least I know my address (but only because Papa John’s keep asking for it when I order pizza to be delivered.)

Tell all of your friends and 3/4 of your enemies that my campaign is back and running on full steam.  It’s sad that America needs me to run as desperately as she does, but I am up for the task.

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Yeah, I’m Still Running

It might seem with my lack of posts lately that I have given up on running for President.  The fact is that I have been distracted by some very important matters (taking care of my parents, trying to generate more work for myself, Shark Week, etc.).  I have also done some campaigning, but they were small in nature and were more “preaching to the choir” to get the base energized than to speaking to new people.

I am putting my personal business aside between now and November 2016 so I can give it my all and get elected.  It’s hard to get excited about America’s future when people like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are given serious consideration as candidates.

My platform remains the same, especially the part that states that I will not be accepting any money for my campaign.  The only way to take money out of politics is to never put money into politics.

Look for me this weekend at the Delaware State fair.  I will not have a booth at the fair, but I will be walking around the fairgrounds looking for people who want to strike up a conversation.

This is what I look like, except that my hair is much shorter, I have no facial hair, and I won’t be wearing sunglasses.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask me, feel free to ask in the comments section. I had requested e-mailing the questions in the past, but critics of the campaign claimed that I ignored the tough questions. I do not ignore tough questions. I put them aside to answer at a later time.

A Partial Endorsement

Donald Trump went Las Vegas to endorse Mitt Romney.  The two of them will stand on stage together and Trump will explain why he will endorse Romney for President.  I have reason to believe that not all of Trump will be endorsing Romney and that part of him will be endorsing me.

The part of Trump that will endorse me is his toupee.  I am confident in this.  In fact, someone told me that the toupee is known in some circles as “Ahmnodt Hair.”  As odd as it sounds, I am flattered to have a toupee named after me.  It’s not just any toupee, it’s Donald Trump’s toupee.  To have an endorsement of that stature means a lot to me and to my campaign.

Remember over the course of the year when Donald Trump goes around the country endorsing Romney, part of him is endorsing me.  Thank you, Ahmnodt Hair!

My Chances Just Got Much Better!

I’m not showing up in any polls besides the Oudda Poll (which is ran by my mother).  I haven’t gotten invited to any debates.  My media exposure has been limited to a tweet read on MSNBC and two tweets read on the local news.  These truths have been huge obstacles in my campaign.

There are good signs from non-traditional sources.  My internet presence continues to grow.  More people are talking about me in conversations with other people.  Some men tell women that they know me as a pick-up line in bars.  (This is ironic because that line works better than when I tell women that I AM Ahmnodt Heare.)  I have been offered Secret Service protection.  (I declined because I don’t like it when others look cooler in sunglasses than I do.)

The race has been narrowed down between me and President Obama.  This is because I am not a Republican invited to the “Kiss-of-Death” debate on December 27 in Des Moines.  It is not the kiss of death because it’s in Des Moines.  It is a fine city,  I have been there in the past.  It is the kiss of death because of the moderator, Donald Trump.

The reason why Donald Trump is the “Kiss of Death” is simple.  Every time a candidate goes to visit Donald Trump in search of an endorsement, he or she drops in the polls like a rock off the Empire State Building.  It started with Sarah Palin.  She isn’t even running any more.  Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain have all seen the Donald with similar results:  A rapid freefall from the polls has resulted every time.  Newt Gingrich is scheduled to meet him on Monday.

I will be declining that debate and any invitation to visit Donald Trump.  Victory is mine!

On the Trail of Something Different

I watch WPIX’s “PIX News at 10” every weeknight and most Saturdays and Sundays.  One of my favorite segments is when reporter Greg Mocker goes “On the trail of something different.”  Basically, Mr. Mocker goes investigates things like potholes, broken sidewalks, the MTA, and other local government inefficiencies.  Most of his stories are stories that the other news stations in the area won’t touch.  If they do touch it, it’s a love tap whilst wearing rubber gloves.  Mr. Mocker likes to grab it with his bare hands and get his hands dirty.

I like to think I am on a trail of something different in my campaign for the White House.  I’m getting my bare hands dirty tackling issues like the Cinemafia and the ever-threatening relationship with Canada.  Other than Jimmy McMillan, no other candidate has even skimmed the surface of these issues affecting Americans.  McMillan hasn’t mentioned the Cinemafia by name, but based on his issues with rent, I think we are on the same page.  (Though the books are different.)

I will be the first to admit that I do not know much about economics.  But I do know that the economy has fluttered at best under Obama’s watch and Donald Trump has businesses that have filed for bankruptcy.  Based on those assessments, they don’t know much about economics either.

If you want to be on the trail of the same old crap, then vote for either President Obama or whomever the Republicans spew at us.  I invite you to be on the trail of something different… of something better.

Dropping Like Flies

I had thought that there would be a ton of Republicans licking their chops at the opportunity to run against Barack Obama.  There have been a few announcements thus far.  One candidate is a businessman I never heard of.  The other is Jimmy McMillan.  I had endorsed Mr. McMillan for Governor of New York in 2010.  I am disappointed he has chosen to run against me after I decided not to run for Governor of New York last year.  (Mainly because I am a Washington DC man living in New Jersey, though that did not stop some people from campaigning for me.)

But now there have been some announcements from prominent Republicans stating they will not be running for President.  First it was my governor, Chris Christie.  He says he has to fix New Jersey’s problems first.  If he can do that, I’ll probably vote for him in 2020 (after I serve my two terms).

Senator John Thune (Not of “Name That Thune” fame as I once thought) announced he won’t run for President.  He said that he could better serve America as a Senator.  I agree with him.

Congressman Ron Paul has yet to made a decison as to whether or not he will run.  He said he was going to wait until after his “money bomb” on President’s Day.  While the money bomb was able to raise over $700,000, it has yet to lead to a decision.  Should he decide to run, he will have a fan base almost as passionate and devoted as my supporters.

The other candidates in the “Will-They-or-Won’t-They” mode include Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, and Donald Rumsfeld.  The longer these people wait, the easier it will be for me to win next November. My advice to these people (and anybody else wishing to run) is to wait until 2020 when my two terms are up and I will not be allowed to run.  It will help your campaign to say that you will continue the path set by President Ahmnodt Heare.

Do You Know Donald Trump?

The Donald is looking for celebrities for the next “Celebrity Apprentice”.  One of the people rumored to be included in the next cast is one of Tiger Wood’s old flings.  I have always wanted to be on “The Apprentice.”  It doesn’t matter if it’s the celebrity version or the generic version with a bunch of nobodies.

If you know The Donald or know how to contact him, please ask him to consider me for the next show.  I have a lot to offer and can go far into the show, possibly winning the whole thing.  Below are some of the reasons why I should be considered:

• I am a hard worker – I have been self employed since 2001.  I ran a small landscaping company from 2001 to 2006.  I have been a freelance marketing consultant since 2005.  Most of 2005 was spent with both businesses.
• I get along with people – You will not get far in marketing or consulting if you don’t get along and understand people.
• I get things done – It’s the only way one can stay self-employed as long as I have.
• It will be a huge boost to my campaign – Many of the skills needed to succeed at “Celebrity Apprentice” are also needed in running a country.  The show will give me an opportunity to show Americans that I am qualified to be President of the United States.
• I am always striving to improve – My jobs have gone from Paper Boy to Bellhop to Entrepreneur.  “President of the United States” is the next job title I am striving towards.  Despite the time I have spent working, I have managed to find time to campaign.
• I have never been fired – Either there will be a first time for everything or I will continue not being fired.  I am aiming towards the latter.

Please get a hold of Donald Trump and let him know I would be an excellent addition to the next cast of “Celebrity Apprentice.”