Below is the revised schedule of my campaigning this weekend and how it went:
Thursday – Pittsburgh, PA (I will be discussing how the steel industry is a leading cause of air pollution. I will also discuss the social ills of sexual misconduct among professional athletes.)
Pittsburgh was mixed results. The Steel industry speech went over well with the young people who have never worked in a steel factory. It did not go as well with the older folks, many of whom had worked in a steel factory. The social ills speech was a hit with the elderly and the people who belong in various cults. It did not go over too well with the hotties. This prevented my chance to score with them.
Friday – Akron, OH (Was originally going to be in Cleveland, but changed location due to the LeBron James fiasco. Turns out to be a bad idea because not only is Akron Cavaliers country, but it’s where LeBron was born and raised.)
I was honored to give a speech at the Akron YMCA on how to stay true to your community. I knew not to wear a LeBron James jersey in Ohio, so I wore a Dwyane Wade jersey instead. Unlike LeBron James, he has stayed with the same team his entire career.
Saturday – Buffalo, NY (My birthplace) I was raised in Washington DC, but I was born in Buffalo as my parents were driving from Hamilton to what was supposed to be Albany, NY to visit my father’s old college roommate. I was born in the car just before crossing the border {It took two hours to cross the border that day} and I stayed in a Buffalo hospital.
It didn’t occur to me until I got to Buffalo that I had nothing planned for Buffalo. I spent a good part of the day looking for the hospital I stayed at after I was born. The only problem is that I didn’t know the name of the hospital. I hadn’t been to that hospital since I left as a three-day-old.
It was off to Ditondo’s Tavern for a bite to eat and and a beer. I went outside for a smoke when I befriended a man named Hector. He was as old school as Don Mills. He rolled his own cigarettes efficiently. I didn’t know if I was more impressed with the speed which he rolled it or the smoothness of the cigarette. He told me he was unhappy with the tobacco companies and their “triple whammy.” The triple whammy is 1) raising the price of loose tobacco, 2) less tobacco in the pouch and 3) fewer rolling papers per pouch. I told him that I was running for President and not only make sure this wouldn’t happen if I was president, but I would talk to the people responsible and dedicate a blog entry to the rip-off.
Hector was so impressed that he offered to take me to a Buffalo Bisons baseball game that night. It was the minor league version of the Mets-Braves rivalry. I watched Oliver Perez pitch for the Bisons on a rehab assignment as he prepared to return for the New York Mets. It doesn’t seem like he’ll be returning to the Mets if he keeps pitching like he did against the Gwinnett Braves.
Sunday (Morning) – Hartford, CT – I will discuss the great things that Gary Bettman and the NHL have done for the city of Hartford.
This ended up getting canceled as I ended up spending the night in Buffalo instead of driving all night to get to Hartford.
Sunday (Afternoon) – Newark, NJ – My Health Care plan and the implementation in urban communities. Included will be plans of building multi-level orchards in a greenhouse environment which will allow more apples to be grown in a limited space.
This would have been more successful if this didn’t happen in nearby Hackensack on Friday:
The multi-level orchard is based largely on parking garages like this one in Hackensack, NJ which collapsed.
I still think I can get the multi-level orchard off the ground if I get a different architect than the one used for the parking garage.
I will start in Hartford next Saturday at Noon. Saturday evening I will be in Philadelphia discussing the pain they feel of being a suburb of New York City. Rehoboth Beach, DE will be my first stop on Sunday. I will be in Dover Sunday evening if I can peel myself away from the hotties of Rehoboth Beach.
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July 18, 2010
Posted by Ahmnodt Heare |
Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | Akron, Buffalo Bisons, Dwyane Wade, Hackensack, Lebron James, Miami Heat, Newark, Oliver Perez, parking garage, Rehoboth Beach, social ills |
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Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Campaign Highlights
Below is the revised schedule of my campaigning this weekend and how it went:
Thursday – Pittsburgh, PA (I will be discussing how the steel industry is a leading cause of air pollution. I will also discuss the social ills of sexual misconduct among professional athletes.)
Pittsburgh was mixed results. The Steel industry speech went over well with the young people who have never worked in a steel factory. It did not go as well with the older folks, many of whom had worked in a steel factory. The social ills speech was a hit with the elderly and the people who belong in various cults. It did not go over too well with the hotties. This prevented my chance to score with them.
Friday – Akron, OH (Was originally going to be in Cleveland, but changed location due to the LeBron James fiasco. Turns out to be a bad idea because not only is Akron Cavaliers country, but it’s where LeBron was born and raised.)
I was honored to give a speech at the Akron YMCA on how to stay true to your community. I knew not to wear a LeBron James jersey in Ohio, so I wore a Dwyane Wade jersey instead. Unlike LeBron James, he has stayed with the same team his entire career.
Saturday – Buffalo, NY (My birthplace) I was raised in Washington DC, but I was born in Buffalo as my parents were driving from Hamilton to what was supposed to be Albany, NY to visit my father’s old college roommate. I was born in the car just before crossing the border {It took two hours to cross the border that day} and I stayed in a Buffalo hospital.
It didn’t occur to me until I got to Buffalo that I had nothing planned for Buffalo. I spent a good part of the day looking for the hospital I stayed at after I was born. The only problem is that I didn’t know the name of the hospital. I hadn’t been to that hospital since I left as a three-day-old.
It was off to Ditondo’s Tavern for a bite to eat and and a beer. I went outside for a smoke when I befriended a man named Hector. He was as old school as Don Mills. He rolled his own cigarettes efficiently. I didn’t know if I was more impressed with the speed which he rolled it or the smoothness of the cigarette. He told me he was unhappy with the tobacco companies and their “triple whammy.” The triple whammy is 1) raising the price of loose tobacco, 2) less tobacco in the pouch and 3) fewer rolling papers per pouch. I told him that I was running for President and not only make sure this wouldn’t happen if I was president, but I would talk to the people responsible and dedicate a blog entry to the rip-off.
Hector was so impressed that he offered to take me to a Buffalo Bisons baseball game that night. It was the minor league version of the Mets-Braves rivalry. I watched Oliver Perez pitch for the Bisons on a rehab assignment as he prepared to return for the New York Mets. It doesn’t seem like he’ll be returning to the Mets if he keeps pitching like he did against the Gwinnett Braves.
Sunday (Morning) – Hartford, CT – I will discuss the great things that Gary Bettman and the NHL have done for the city of Hartford.
This ended up getting canceled as I ended up spending the night in Buffalo instead of driving all night to get to Hartford.
Sunday (Afternoon) – Newark, NJ – My Health Care plan and the implementation in urban communities. Included will be plans of building multi-level orchards in a greenhouse environment which will allow more apples to be grown in a limited space.
This would have been more successful if this didn’t happen in nearby Hackensack on Friday:
The multi-level orchard is based largely on parking garages like this one in Hackensack, NJ which collapsed.
I still think I can get the multi-level orchard off the ground if I get a different architect than the one used for the parking garage.
I will start in Hartford next Saturday at Noon. Saturday evening I will be in Philadelphia discussing the pain they feel of being a suburb of New York City. Rehoboth Beach, DE will be my first stop on Sunday. I will be in Dover Sunday evening if I can peel myself away from the hotties of Rehoboth Beach.
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July 18, 2010 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | Akron, Buffalo Bisons, Dwyane Wade, Hackensack, Lebron James, Miami Heat, Newark, Oliver Perez, parking garage, Rehoboth Beach, social ills | 2 Comments