Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Keeping My Options Open

It might be hard to believe, but there is actually a chance that I will not be elected President of the United States.  Being the Boy Scout that I was for a week in 1987, I must be prepared for life should I not win the election.  Below are some of my options:

  • Become a commissioner of a major sports league.  I have already shown how I would handle problems currently in the NFL and NHL.  I could also be a good commissioner for the NBA and Major League Baseball.
  • Become a reality television star.  My life is hectic enough to make for entertaining television.  The one drawback would be that the show’s producers would have to censor by covering-the-boobies and other lady body parts when I visit the nudie bar.
  • Run for Congress, Senate, Mayor, or other public office.  I am leaning against this option.  People say they want a president with experience in dealing with government.  The Democrats chose President Obama and the Republicans chose Ron Paul Mitt Romney.  Most people don’t want the experience they have in the White House, especially ObromneyCare.  This is why I chose to run despite not having political experience.
  • Write that book I have been putting off writing since 1996.  I will have time after Election Day to pursue this should I not win the election, though I still think I am going to win.  The reason why I think I will win is because unlike the other candidates, the media has said nothing negative about me, my policies, or my campaign.
  • I could offer myself to play the role of Christian Grey in the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie.

There are only 41 days left until Election Day.  Pick up your absentee ballot by next Friday if you haven’t done so already.  Don’t forget to help the elderly with their absentee ballots, including filling in my name for President so that they don’t have to labor with writing.

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September 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, Personal Life, satire, voting, write-in | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Bad, Bad Day

Today is Monday.  That is bad enough.  Nobody should have to go through celebrating their birthday exclusively on Mondays.  The day I had today prevents me from wanting to celebrating any birthday.

My day started innocently enough with grinds in my coffee.  That happens once or twice a month.  The day would get worse.  My elderly neighbor slipped on a patch of ice and needed help getting up and a ride to the hospital.  I carried her and stepped in a poop pile.

I drove her to the hospital when I got stuck in traffic.  The car warmed up and I soon realized I didn’t scrape the poop off of my shoe and the smell was getting to me.  I got to the hospital and dropped off my neighbor.

The front passenger tire blew out and I had to change it.  I changed the tire, but the car was side-swiped as I was lowering the car.  The damage to the driver’s door was too much and I now have to ger in the car from the passenger’s side.

It was early afternoon before I finally got home.  The power went out soon after I started working.  I called the electric company to report the outage.  It took a while for someone to show up.  When the person came over to turn my electricity, he told me my electricity was turned off because I hadn’t paid my electric bill.  I told him I always paid on time and asked to see the turnoff notice.  He turned off the electricity to the wrong house.  My power was restored only after another phone call to the electric company.

I am home, safe and sound,  I will be going to bed before anything else happens to me.

January 18, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What is the fastest way to bail out old people who are struggling?

I think the fastest way to help these people (and all Americans) is to throw all the poor people in jail.  The poor would have a roof over their heads and food three times a day.  Many jails include free cable.

For seniors with some money, I will allow seniors to buy premium dog food at generic food prices.

October 7, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Bailout, campaign, debate, economy, election, Obama, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on What is the fastest way to bail out old people who are struggling?

Campaign Stops – A Brief Synopsis

Campaign Stops Next Weekend « Ahmnodt Heare for President

It’s currently 7:12 AM here in Seattle. I leave Seattle at 9AM Pacific and arrive in San Juan, PR at approximately 9PM Atlantic Time. The fine people at The Medusa were able to postpone my speech there until 11:00PM. When I first made the scheduling, I thought that Puerto Rico was in the Eastern Time one, but it is not.

I found a few things interesting through my campaigning this week. At Bert and Ernie’s Dining Saloon in Helena, MT Wednesday night, the patrons were overwhelming supportive on my position that people should have the right to own guns. They all became angry when I mentioned that I would ban bullets. I was thrown out of the saloon for inciting a riot.

I was at Lake Elmo State Park in Billings earlier in the day. I was warmly greeted by both my supporters. I found out that many people wanted to attend, but could not get out of school or work. We happened to meet an elderly lady nearby. I told her that I would help seniors by making premium dog food availably for the elderly at generic dog food prices so they wouldn’t starve. She gave me a puzzled look for some reason. I guess nobody ever tried to help the elderly before at such a personal level.

Last night I was at the City Centre in Seattle. I told shoppers there that I already have a plan to make movies more affordable and that I was working on a similar plan to make merchandise more affordable. I also told them that the only person who knows what you’re going through with prices is someone who is going through the same ordeal. I think people latched on to that and became very supportive of me.

Tonight, I will be at The Medusa in San Juan. It is the largest gay night club in Puerto Rico. I will be giving my Family Values speech at 11:00PM Eastern.

May 30, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, cinemafia, economy, election, issues, Platform, satire, speech | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Campaign Stops – A Brief Synopsis

   

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