Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I Demand a Recount!

There is something wrong with the numbers. The polling as of 8:00PM Eastern shows that both Obama and Romney have over 3,000,000 votes. Somebody named Stewart Alexander is in 12th place with 313 votes. For some reason, it appears that I have fewer than 313 votes.  The one problem with a write-in campaign is that many states do not allow write-in votes.

There is a good chance that “Ahonodt Heare” will not count as a vote for me because of a typo.

I will be firing off letters to various boards of elections demanding 1) a recount and 2)that misspellings of my name should count for me.  (I am fine with “Mit Romney” counting for Mitt Romney and “Barrack Obama” for Barack Obama.)  “Ahonodt Heare” can not reasonably be counted as a vote for Obama or Romney no matter how hard you try to spin the bottle.

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November 6, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, election, humor, politics, satire, voting, write-in | , , | 5 Comments

Guess Who I Voted For?

The photos aren’t the best quality, but it should be easy to figure out:

I will give Election Day commentary through the evening (Eastern Time) here on this blog.

November 6, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, election, humor, voting, write-in | , , | 2 Comments

Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is a big day in America.  We will be deciding which direction America will take for 2013 and beyond.  We can vote for a better future, or we can vote for Mitt Romney or Barack Obama.  It’s up to you.

You want things to get better as much as I do.  This makes me believe that you will not be voting for Obama or Romney.  Nothing they have said or done has shown that they will do anything to make entertainment affordable.  Neither candidate has been in areas affected by Hurricane Sandy since President Obama went to the Jersey Shore on Friday  (He did not see Snooki or J-Woww.) .  I have been here since the storm hit – I have been through the blackouts and the never-ending odd-day/even-day gas lines.

I really haven’t gotten to campaign in the last week due to Superstorm Sandy.  I had said previously that I had planned on holding off running in 2016 and run in 2020 instead.  If there is a sharp enough drop in the vote total from the last poll taken by my campaign, then I will run in 2016.

Remember the importance of your decision when you vote tomorrow.  Remember that spelling counts in write-in ballots and here is an easy way to learn to spell Ahmnodt Heare.  May the Congressperson and/or Senator you vote for join me in Washington so we can get things done the right way.

 

November 5, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, issues, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, voting, write-in | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Big Day Tomorrow!

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

  • Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
  • The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
  • The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
  • Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

October 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, cinemafia, commentary, economy, humor, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Olympic Spirit

I like watching the Olympics.  Every four years the best athletes in the world compete in such sports as running, swimming, diving, and gymnastics.  There are also “sports” like archery. badminton, and  trampoline.  I didn’t know that trampoline was an Olympic sport and you can now get a gold medal for doing “Squat-sit-squat” better than anybody else.  Since ping pong (table tennis) is now also an Olympic event, it is only a matter of time before beer pong becomes an Olympic event.  Below are some events I would like to see in the Olympics:

  • Beer Pong – Anybody who questions whether beer pong is a sport has never been able to get a ping pong ball in a cup after 15 beers like I have.
  • Bowling – The sport is normally boring to watch so bowlers would wear tight pants so people watching will keep interested.  (At least I would watching ladies’ bowling.)
  • Darts – If archery is a sport, darts should be too.  Darts is all skill and no apparatus like a bow used for an arrow.
  • Kick Ball – I was awesome in kick ball as a fifth grader.

There are many others events I’d like to see in the Olympics, but I won’t name them all.  If there is an event you want included, feel free to add your suggestion to the comments section.

There are 97 days until Election Day.  I am striving for the gold in the Presidential Election event.  Getting a silver medal in this event will mean nothing but being the most decorated loser.

August 1, 2012 Posted by | commentary, editorial, election, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Orgies for Abstinence – Election Night Special

If you think America is going to get screwed on Election night, here is a chance for you to choose who gets to screw you.  You may not get the person you chose to screw you on Election day, that’s one reason why there’s Orgies for Abstinence.

There is another purpose.  The purpose is to spread abstinence throughout the land through wild orgies.  The United States government has been able to spread peace throughout the world through bombing and wars for years.  Orgies for Abstinence is an event I created to show people that I can think like a politician.  I realize that there is more to getting elected than looking like a stud.

A rare picture of Ahmnodt Heare taken on the campaign trail.

Things are slowing down a bit and I should be resuming blogging regularly until Tuesday before I go on my next campaign trip from Wednesday through Sunday in the Cape May, NJ area.

July 21, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

End of an Error

All bad things must come to an end.  This includes the “popularity” of Canadian spy Justin Bieber.  His new CD “Believe” is not selling as well as the Cinemafia and the Canadian government had hoped.  The era of “Beliebers” is over.  Americans have had enough of this spy and are demanding real entertainment.

It may be possible that I do not win the election in November.  That will not stop me from making the changes that America needs to make.  I will still fight the Cinemafia and do my best to make sure to spot Canadian spies as soon as they try to infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry.  I will also lobby elected officials to make sure that Vanna White’s birthday becomes a federal holiday.  It will be hard if I am not elected, but I will fight and make sure my entire platform is implemented.

 

June 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, Platform, satire, Vanna White | , , , , , | 2 Comments

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