Where I Went Wrong
I was expecting somewhere around 40 million votes in yesterday’s election. I ended up getting seven. Many people would quit, but I can get the votes I need once I fix the problems that stopped me from winning.
1) The “Vice President” fiasco: I should have spent more time vetting my selections. The first candidate did not tell me he was a Canadian until months after I chose him. The candidate I ended up running with did nothing to help the ticket.
2) I started too late: My campaign differed from Obama’s and McCain’s because I chose not to raise money. I stand by this issue for now. I will formally announce my intention to run for President in 2012 soon. The Cinemafia spent millions on Barack Obama and John McCain, trying to make them bicker as a distraction so people wouldn’t hear my message.
3) Internal Polling data was wrong. I was under the impression that PollDaddy was the service to use. They even offered a money-back guarantee if I was not satisfied. Good thing I didn’t spend any money, because I would be expecting my money back right about now.
I would like to congratulate Barack Obama for winning the election. I will fulfill my duty as an American citicen and help President-elect Obama in implementing my platform.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
The Fix is In!
The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina. Below are the results:
Results courtesy of Google Politics
The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points? Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week. After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs. One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc. Yet he managed to win big.
The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted. I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic. One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul. South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for. She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people. I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state. That should have helped me get more votes. If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.
I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!
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January 22, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | affair, analysis, election results, Newt Gingrich, North Myrtle Beach, open marriage, Ron Paul, South Carolina Primary | 4 Comments