Why I Can Never Be Pope

With a new Pope recently being elected, many people were wondering why I didn’t run for Pope.  There are many reasons.  Below are just a few reasons:

• I’d have to live in Vatican City. –  Don’t get me wrong:  The Vatican would be a beautiful place to live.  The problem is that neither the Capitals, Redskins, nor Nationals play any games in Italy.  
• I have a daughter. – I would have to fly to the United States every other weekend for my custody visits.  I am not too sure the College of Cardinals would be too thrilled with my daughter sleeping over or having slumber parties at the Vatican.
• I’d have to remain chaste. – Not happening.
• The Latin I speak is not the same as the Latin spoken in the Vatican.  I am not sure if they would understand, “Ourway atherfay owhay artway inway eavenhay…” as the beginning of the Lord’s Prayer.
• The College of Cardinals would probably be upset if they found out I bet $20 on the Electoral College to beat them in the Tipoff Classic.
• I don’t like wearing robes.  I’ll wear the beanie if I have to, but the only robe I wear is a bathrobe whilst sitting by the fireplace and enjoying a cognac or five.
• I am not Catholic. – This might be the biggest hurdle of all.  Going without meat on Fridays scares me sometimes.

I would like to thank people who wanted me to be a pope.  Please don’t consider me for pope though as I don’t think it would be a good idea for either myself or the Catholic Church.

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State-by-State Polling Data

The latest poll conducted by the Telepathic Data Polling Corporation (TDPC) shows that not only am I mentioned in most states, that I am winning in Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Michigan, Montana, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Nevada, Oregon, South Dakota, and West Virginia.  I will need a majority of the electoral votes because the Constitution states that a candidate has to have a majority of electoral votes and that simply having the most among three or more candidates is not enough.

While the reason why people are voting for whom they are voting for was not asked in the poll, Sierra Lightpath from Thermopolis, Wyoming stated it best in a telepathic message:

“If either the Democrats’  or Republicans’ policies have worked, we’d all belong to the same party.”

 

If you live in one of the states where I am in a close second or third place, please tell a stranger or two about my campaign.  (Talking to friends about politics is a good way to lose friends.)  I will be spending the bulk of this week in New Jersey and Delaware and will try to find time to get to the states I am close in the polling.

The latest is a state-by-state update:

AL – Romney 35 Heare 32 Obama 32

AK – Romney 57 Obama 40 Heare 1

AR – Heare 47 Romney 32 Obama 20

AZ – Romney 45 Heare 43 Obama 8

CA – Obama 57 Romney 23 Heare 10

CT – Obama 62 Heare 20 Romney 12

CO – Heare 75 Romney 14 Obama 11

DC – Obama 92 Heare 7 Romney 1

DE – Obama 53 Heare 47 Romney 10

FL – Heare 40 Romney 30 Obama 28

GA – Heare 34 Romney 33 Obama 33

HI – Obama 61 Heare 30 Romney 10

IA – Obama 47 Romney 43 Heare 9

ID – Heare 47 Romney 27 Obama 20

IN – Heare 50 Obama 25 Romney 24

KS – Romney 80 Obama 20 Heare 20

KY – Heare 100

LA – Romney 43 Heare 40 Obama 18

MA – Obama 59 Heare 40 Romney 2 Johnson 2

MD – Obama 49 Romney 43 Heare 11

ME – Heare 48 Obama 42 Romney 14

MI – Heare 55 Obama 30 Romney 15

MN – Obama 51 Romney 47 Heare 20

MO – Romney 35 Heare 34 Obama 34

MS – Romney 58 Obama 30 Heare 12

MT – Heare 75 Romney 21 Obama 23

NC – Heare 60 Obama 20 Romney 18

ND – Romney 38 Obama 37 Heare 35

NE – Romney 43 Heare 42 Obama 25

NH – Heare 58 Obama 42 Romney 7

NJ – Obama 59 Heare 50 Romney (-9)

NM –  Obama 47 Romney 46 Heare 7

NV – Heare 70 Obama 25 Romney 10

NY – Obama 59 Romney 49 Heare (-8)

OH – Romney 40 Obama 40 Heare 20

OK – Romney 56 Obama 44 (Heare is not allowed to be on the ballot in OK due to OK laws)

OR – Heare 95 Obama 4 Romney 2

PA – Obama 47 Romney 46 Heare 9

RI – Obama 58 Romney 30 Heare 10

SC – Romney 60 Obama 20 Heare 18

SD – Heare 34 Obama 33 Romney 33

TN – Romney 34 Obama 29 Heare 28 Nader 20

TX – Romney 49 Heare 40 Obama 32

UT – Romney 101

VA – Obama 40 Heare 30 Romney 29

VT – Obama 60 Heare 39 Romney 3

WA – Obama 45 Romney 30 Heare 30

WI – Obama 41 Romney 39 Heare 31

WV – Heare 91 Romney 20 Obama (-11)

WY – Romney 75 Obama 11 Heare 11 Stein 11

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Canada – Obama 78 Heare 21 Romney 3

United Kingdom – Heare 62 Obama 38 Romney 1

Lichtenstein – Heare 89 Obama 6 Romney 6

China –  Romney 51 Bush 49

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Margin of Error +/- 50%

NOTE:  Not all numbers equal 100% due to rounding and/or bad arithmetic.

 

An Open Letter to the Electoral College (revised)

Dear Electoral Collegian:

You will be representing your state on Monday as you cast the vote that counts for president.  Instead of voting for the person you have been assigned to vote for, I would like to suggest why you should vote for me (Ahmnodt Heare) for President.

Americans want change.  Nobody has a platform with as much change as I do.  Unlike my opponents, I do not have a party to bog down my agenda.  I am the only candidate with programs to jump start the economy without using taxpayers’ dollars.

I thank you for your service and for your duty in serving in the Electoral College.  If I am elected president, I will fund the Electoral College’s sports program so it can compete with the SEC, Big 10, Pac 10, and other major conferences.

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President

Ahmnodt Heare for America.  Ahmnodt Heare for You.

My 2009 Campaign Strategy

My plan for 2009 is to target the four largest states, all of the three electoral vote states, and Rhode Island (Because it is a small state).

The four large states total 147 electoral votes.  The three-electoral votes total 24 electoral votes.  Rhode Island has 4 electoral votes.  Winning these states will give me 175 electoral votes.  This is 95 votes short of victory, but it is a start.

I will resume campaigning in England, Scotland, and Ireland in March.  I have added Australia to the campaign trail and will campaign there in April.

Some of my critics complain that foreigners can not vote for President of the United States.  I remind those critics that the President of the United States is also leader of the free world.  I will make sure their voices are heard.

An Open Letter to the Electoral College

Dear Electoral Collegian:

Sometime after Election Day, you will be representing your state as you cast the vote that counts for president.  Instead of voting for the person you have been assigned to vote for, I would like to suggest why you should vote for me (Ahmnodt Heare) for President.

Americans want change.  Nobody has a platform with as much change as I do.  Unlike my opponents, I do not have a party to bog down my agenda.  I am the only candidate with programs to jump start the economy without using taxpayers’ dollars.

I thank you for your service and for your duty in serving in the Electoral College.  If I am elected president, I will fund the Electoral College’s sports program so it can compete with the SEC, Big 10, Pac 10, and other major conferences. 

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt Heare

Independent Candidate for President

Ahmnodt Heare for America.  Ahmnodt Heare for You.

My Disdain for the Electoral College

I am upset with the Electoral College! I tried to find their campus, but couldn’t find it. I was hoping I could go school there on a Cheerleading scholarship.