Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

We Won a Battle!

“My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!”

The battle against global warming is done and we won!  Tuesday was my running day.  A warm breeze from the south rose the temperature to 78°F (26°C) as I began my mile run.  I was dripping in sweat when I finished my run two hours later.  This is November!  People aren’t supposed to sweat in November.

Two days later (That’s today), It’s currently 45°F (Who really cares what the temperature for that is in Celsius?  It’s chilly, and that’s all you need to know.)  My Thursday swim was a lot colder than I had planned.  I’ll have to wear a jacket next Thursday so I’ll keep warm.

It’s supposed to be a rain/snow mix tonight and cold for the foreseeable future.  No more sweating doing strenuous activities like running and yawning.  Tonight will be a night of roasting marshmallows, getting a bonfire going, and opening the windows so that the smoke from the bonfire can escape.

The best part was that we didn’t have to use nuclear warheads to stop global warming.  We can save the nukes for other battles like the “War on Obesity.”

November 13, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Won a Battle!

Presidential Workout

I stepped on the scale a few months ago and was shocked and saddened.  The need to step on the scale came to be when my favorite summer khakis were no longer fit.  I had somehow gained 50 pounds over the last year.

There are only 27 months until the general election.  The need to get into campaign shape is pressing.  The days when having a body like William Howard Taft is considered presidential are over.  People want their presidential candidate to be built like President Obama (or the 2008 Ahmnodt Heare.)

I had to change my diet and start exercising.  My diet will be posted tomorrow.  Today will be spent discussing my new exercise regiment.  Below is what it details:

  • Stretching – It is important to stretch your muscles before working out.  I stretch my arms and legs, fingers, toes, and tongue.  I would stretch my brain muscle but the skull is in the way.
  • Calisthenics –  It is important to start off slowly.  if you start off too fast, you could injure yourself.  Or worse – you could sweat.
  • Jogging – Jogging increases the heart rate, which is important in losing weight.  I jog to and from the mailbox every morning.
  • Weights – I believe in target training.  In addition to the abdomen, I work on the biceps, triceps, quadriceps, deltoids, and Altoids.
  • Cooldown – A proper cooldown reduces stiffness of the muscles.  I cool down by heading into the steam room and relaxing.  Afterwards, it’s off to the jacuzzi for 5-10 laps back and forth.

I am confident that my workout and diet will bring results and I will soon be campaign fit and ready to tackle the world’s problems.

August 4, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

   

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