Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weirder by the Moment

My mother and my daughter are at my place.  My father is at a nearby hotel.  I am at the Starbucks across the street from the hospital I am staying at.

My father was kind enough to pick up my daughter on his way to my condo from Washington.  My daughter gets scared when my father freaks out when he drives.  (For some odd reason, she doesn’t get scared when I freak out when I am driving.  Since I do most of my driving in New Jersey, I freak out more than my father does.)

My daughter was so disturbed by riding up with my father that as soon as she got to my place, she told my mother that she wanted me to drive her home on Sunday, only I can’t because I was in the hospital.

The trip to the hospital was the result of my fainting and becoming unconscious while shopping for office supplies (staples, paper clips, model glue).  I was about to be released last night when the doctor who examined me saw some problems with my previous health records.  This doctor wanted to know how my other doctor came up with the conclusion that I had menstrual cramps and vaginal discharge.  There were other things I told the doctor that I didn’t tell him until after the bloodwork was done.

  • I have had extreme body temperature fluctuations for the past week.  It’s been as high as 101.3 and as low as 96.8 though most of the time I have been at normal body temperature.
  • I have lost eleven pounds in the past two weeks.  In the past, I would have been stoked because I was obese for a long time, but the sudden loss of weight has me near underweight.
  • My farts smell really really bad.  The rule of thumb is that your own farts don’t smell as bad, but these last few farts hurt my nose.  I can only imagine the damage it is doing to the general public.
  • I fell asleep during “Wheel of Fortune.”

More bloodwork is being done in the morning.  Hopefully it will just be a pill or two and maybe an antibiotic and I’ll be good to go.

 

March 24, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, health care, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Now I Think I am Back

I took a couple of days off last week due to issues with leaks in my bathroom (Thursday) and observing Vanna White’s birthday (Friday).  I went away for the weekend to recharge my batteries.  The only problem was while I was away I had gotten violently ill.  The illness had a variety of symptoms, but one at a time.

Saturday:  Fever – I did not take a temperature, but judging that I woke up to the sound of an egg frying on my chest, I am guessing it was pretty high.  The woman who was in the hotel room next to me said she thought I was hot, but I thought she meant in a different way.

Sunday morning:  Aches – The fever broke, but my muscles felt achy in a way the body aches during a fever.  I was walking like I was wearing a mummy suit (only I wasn’t going “Uhhhhhh!”)

Sunday evening:  Diarrhea – It was kicking in so often, I didn’t have the time to cook a meal.  It was frustrating as I went through all of my underwear.

Monday: Vomiting – I didn’t eat Sunday night, so I am baffled as to what I was throwing up and why there was so much of it.

Today – I felt better except for feeling weak from not eating I did quite a bit of eating while working.  I went through a box of Fruity Pebbles in just over an hour.

My bathroom is still leaking.  I will post the pictures tomorrow when I will have more time (barring illness, kidnapping, death, arrest, blackout, or 70-degree day)

February 22, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Still in DC

I was supposed to return home today after spending Christmas weekend at my parents’ home in Washington, DC.  The problem wasn’t the weather or the roads.  The problem is I am sick.  I have a 101.4 degree fever and I am coughing and sneezing.  My stomach feels like an anvil was dropped on it.  I am blogging on the toilet because I have a serious case of the runs.

Aside frrom being ill, this is the best time of year to be in Washington.  All of the politicians are in their home states leaving the city to us natives.  I will blog about my feelings about DC statehood tomorrow if I can get off the can.

December 27, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Washington | , , | 2 Comments

   

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