Food Shopping Agony

It is a good thing I did not have Patricia this weekend.  She would have seen a side of her father that I do not like showing.  Unfortunately, I tend to show this side often when I go food shopping.

I don’t know if it’s something in the music the supermarkets play over their loud speakers or if there is something in the air, but the moment people walk through those automated doors and into the store, they become retarded.  Sometimes this includes the staff.

I don’t understand where people think they can get off with walking with a shopping cart down the middle of the aisle.  Then there’s the person who cuts in front of your cart, stops, grabs a box of Pop-Tarts, walks, realizes he grabbed the wrong box, stops, and exchanges the Pop-Tarts.

Then there are those annoying store displays in the aisles.  Supermarkets sell enough stuff and have enough space to sell their stuff that they don’t have to set up displays in aisles.

If I am elected President, I will push for legislation making sure nobody goes through this type of shopping experience again.  I will mandate that shoppers get a cart-pushing license before using one in a store.  This includes safe operating procedures and learning the rules of the aisle.  There will also be a simple math quiz to make sure shoppers with 27 items are not in the “Ten Items or Less” register.

These simple steps will ensure a pleasant shopping experience for everybody.  A little common courtesy can go a long way, but only in unobstructed aisles.

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A Look at my Platform – Poverty

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and 
further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on poverty.



"War on Poverty" can be solved by giving poor people $30/month and
sending them to Africa once a month for food shopping.  A family of
four in Africa can eat for $.70/day.  They would still have $8.30
for beer.

I am seriously considering doing my food shopping in Africa.  It can cost over $100/week for food shopping for a family of one.  This is $400/month.  It would be cheaper to fly poor people to Africa once a month to do their food shopping.  It would be even cheaper to fly one person to Africa to buy up all the food there and fly it back home and sell it at cost.  The $8.30 left over wouldn’t necessarily have to go towards beer.  It could go towards a pack of cigarettes (except in New York City, where cigarettes are almost $10.00 per pack.)

While many supermarkets would go out of business under my plan, my plan would allow Americans to eat and have more money left over for entertainment.  It’s not like the CineMafia is going away.

A Change of Heart

After much deliberation, I have decided to change a position on something currently on my platform.  My new position on the “War on Poverty” is listed below:

"War on Poverty" can be solved by giving poor people $30/month and
sending them to Africa once a month for food shopping.  A family of
four in Africa can eat for $.70/day.  They would still have $8.30 for
beer.