Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Heat, Hacking, and Other Recent News

There’s been a lot of news recently.  Not all of it is good, but I have an attack plan.

Heat Wave – The eastern 2/3 of the United States is currently under a dangerous heat wave.  In the past, i would have said now is a good time to fight global warming.  After consulting meteorologists, people who work outdoors, and my psychic, I have determined that the best time to fight global warming is before it gets hot.   Likewise, the best time to encourage global warming is before it gets cold.

Hacking – Ruppert and James Murdoch of NewsCorp faced a parliamentary committee (It’s like a Congressional committee, except it has people with British accents).  Hacking is against my policy as is wiretapping.  Video cameras would only be used on the hottest women.  Nobody wants to see me wolf down a box of Ring Dings.

Migraines – Michele Bachmann has them.  Migraines should not be the reason why you don’t vote for her.  You shouldn’t vote for her because you are voting for me.

Debt Ceiling – I would lower it.  They say we can’t pay the national debt off.  That doesn’t mean wh shouldn’t at least try.   We need to find out why government is spending so much money and start pinching pennies.  It shouldn’t cost $3.4 trillion to run the United States.

 

July 21, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Taking a Pass

I was honored to be asked to moderate a debate about global warming this weekend in Rochester, NY.  People who believe global warming exists and people who do not thought I would be the perfect moderator as I would only fight global warming when it’s hot.

I turned down this request after much deliberation and serious thought,  This debate would have given me some much-needed exposure.  The reason for the decline is simple.  Every time there is a global warming debate or lecture in the winter, it gets canceled due to snow.  If global warming is to be taken seriously, it should be held in the summer in Death Valley.

I like Rochester.  Kodak is there.  Kodak video cameras were popular in pre-Cinemafia Hollywood.  Rochester has that down-home big city feel.  Somebody from Rochester voted for me in 2008, so I know Rochester has good family values.

My one concern is being stuck in a lake-effect snowstorm.  This phenomenon is popular during the winter.  There is a lot to do in Rochester, but you can’t do too many of them when the city is digging itself from four feet of snow,  One of the activities that can’t be done is moderate a debate about global warming.  Nobody will be able to show up.

i will be honored to moderate a global warming in Rochester during the summer.   Being stuck in a snowstorm away from home sucks.  Let me be stuck at home.

January 21, 2011 Posted by | commentary, debate, humor, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Heading to Warmth

23F has never felt so warm.  That is the expected temperature when I land in Newark tonight.  I am currently at the airport in Fairbanks,  I leave in 40 minutes to Anchorage.  From Anchorage, I fly to Seattle before flying home to Newark and arriving at 10:17PM.

I had to do some things differently this weekend (Especially with watching football).  Football starts at 9AM in Fairbanks.  The hotel I was staying at has a bar with NFL Sunday Ticket.  But the bar does not serve alcohol until Noon on Sundays.  The good news was I was able to watch the Redskins play the Cowboys.  The bad news was the other people watching the game with me were all Cowboys fans.  And although Rex Grossman had a good game in his Redskins debut, the ‘Skins lost to the Cowboys.  At Noon (about an hour after the sun rose here), I watched the Jets-Steelers game.  It looked cold with flurries at that game, but I couldn’t help but wonder what a game in December here in Fairbanks would be like.  With temperatures hovering between -30 and -25 and a “light” breeze (The winds were light, but when it’s this cold, you can feel the wind of a door being opened.)

I was going to venture out at 3:30, but it had already gotten dark.  And colder.  Alaskans are a hearty bunch.  They say they endure the winters here because Fairbanks is the place to be in the summer.  Temperatures are generally in the 70s and 80s and it doesn’t get dark for long.  The sun rises before 4AM and will not set until after 10PM throughout the month of July.

I can’t wait to be in above-zero weather and the nine hours of sunlight.  I might walk around town tomorrow wearing shorts and a t-shirt (at least until the reality that 30 degrees, while much warmer than the -25 currently here, is still cold.)

Global warming is definitely needed here.  A couple additional hours of sunlight wouldn’t hurt.

December 20, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor | , , , , , | 6 Comments

Why Ahmnodt? Why?

I heard through some sources that Fairbanks, Alaska was ripe and ready for me to campaign.  I decided to fly to Fairbanks on a whim and arrived here last night.  I have discovered what COLD really is.  It was -34F when I arrived at the airport last night.  Fortunately, it has dropped to -36F.  It is foggy out and there are ice particles in the fog.  It’s so cold here that the sun won’t rise until almost 11:00AM here.  (That’s 3PM Eastern).  The sun will set at 2:00 local time.

This would seem to be the ideal place to give my speech on how I would encourage global warming in the winter.  It’s cold here and presidential candidates rarely come to Alaska in the summer let alone winter unless they are from Alaska (like Sarah Palin),  It turns out they don’t like politicians here.  I tried telling them that I am a business who has never held office and the only reason why I am running for president is to help businesspeople like me have affordable entertainment.  They didn’t want to hear it.

I will be spending the weekend in Fairbanks.  If I am going to campaign, I will have to wonder about (With -35F temperatures, that won’t be easy.)  I didn’t bring work with me and I am finding out everything here is expensive.  I could have gotten stuff done if I stayed at home, but I will be pretty much confined to a hotel room all weekend.

Maybe the people will warm up.  I hope so because the weather won’t.

December 17, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, issues, politics, satire | , , , , | 3 Comments

What’s on Your Mind?

There has to be more going on in the news than the BP oil fiasco and the ousting of General McCrystal.  I would like to know which issues you will expect me to handle once I become President.

I will be busy tomorrow.  There is a chance I will not be able to blog or answer your questions immediately.  If that is the case, there is a chance I will answer the question for you on Saturday or on October 13.

It will be a good weekend to fight global warming.  It’s been hot the last few days.  My air conditioner broke down yesterday and the repair guy will not be here until tomorrow.  It was in the low 90s with a heat index close to 100.  My perspiration is not something I like to talk about, buy my skin is so oily, BP wants to drill me.

If you prefer to ask me the question in private, e-mail me @ ahmnodtheare@politician.com.  I will answer them soon after receiving them.

June 24, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor | , , , | 2 Comments

A Bad Case of Something

I woke up yesterday morning to a fever, aches, and the most congestion my lungs have ever had. It must have come from the wacky weather we have had in the Northeast over the last month. There were days where the high temperature was in the 90s. There were days when the lows were in the upper 20s and low 30s. Today’s low was 42, but we’re only going up to 48 degrees today.
I am blaming the cold weather on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. That oil could have been used as gasoline for cars. The emissions from the cars would have gone into the atmosphere, which would have made it warmer. But since the oil is in the Gulf of Mexico and not the gas pumps, we have less gasoline to make it warmer.
While oil continues to spill into the Gulf, the northeastern Unites States continues to be more like March and less like May. Hopefully, the leak will be fixed soon and we can have May weather again.

May 12, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , | 10 Comments

Fighting Global Warming

In case you were wondering why I haven’t posted earlier today, it is because I have been spending a good part of the day fighting global warming and will continue the fight until the cold front comes in and cools off the northeastern United States.

The average temperature for today is 60 degrees.  Today’s high was 89 degrees here and 91 in New York City.  This is thirty degrees above normal.  It is supposed to cool off a little bit tomorrow, but the high tomorrow of 80 degrees is still 20 degrees above normal.  Friday’s high is supposed to be around 60 degrees, which is normal for this time of year.  By then I should be finished fighting global warming until the next time it gets hot.

April 7, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, environment, humor, satire | , , , | Comments Off on Fighting Global Warming

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