Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

For Those Tired of the Same Old

If you’re old enough to have seen things since the 1980’s, you have notice that many things have changed and many haven’t.  Most of the change for the better include cell phones, internet, and video recording clear enough that you don’t get static lines all over the screen when the picture is paused during a hot porno scene.  These can all be attributed to the private sector wanting to make things better.

You would also notice that airport security is much tighter and includes an occasional grope.  There are fewer places for smokers to go to smoke and relieve themselves from the need to strangle an idiot.  Just about everything comes with a warning label, including one for peanut butter to remind us that peanut butter contains peanuts.  These can all be attributed to government wanting to make things better.

Private sector changes will happen regardless of who gets elected in 2016.  Gadgets will be cooler to play with and be more efficient.  Government will also make changes regardless of who gets elected.  The difference between other candidates and me is that I won’t have a lobby group funding any portion of my campaign.  I will put on my private-sector thinking cap and make government better.  There is already positive feedback about my TSA plan of turning TSA security guards into massage therapists.  I would do away with mandating labels on peanut butter because if a person can’t figure out that peanut butter contains peanuts, then he or she deserves the outcome of one’s actions.

Most of the candidates that are being considered to run for President have spent a lot of time in government and are limited to using government-type solutions to problems that only government people can conjure up.  I am a lifetime private sector employee and business owner who has a history of making things better by using private sector solutions.  Choose wisely, grasshopper.

June 30, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, change, commentary, election, issues, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on For Those Tired of the Same Old

Government Shutdown

The way President Obama is handling the “government shutdown” is but another example of why I would have been a better president than him.  Below are some reasons why:

  • Only “Non-essential” services are shut down.  The question isn’t what is essential but who decides what is essential.  I would have shut down the IRS, but not because everybody hates it.  I would shut it down to send a message to Congress that neither they nor I will get paid as long as there is a shutdown because there is no revenue being collected.
  • I’d keep the national parks open because people need to get out more.  By  the time this shutdown is over, it will be too cold to enjoy the parks.
  • The NSA is working as normal.  Nobody at the NSA really likes me (except the guy in the corner cubicle who always like to start a ruckus.)
  • I’d not only close the Bureau of Wild Horse and Burro closed during the shutdown, I’d close it permanently.  I hope the five people who own a wild horse or a burro understand that the 300,000,000 Americans who don’t own one feel that a federal agency isn’t really necessary.

If you cannot afford a prostate exam, the TSA will perform one for you at no additional charge if you plan on flying on an airplane.

UPDATE: The move has been delayed by a week.  The official activity will return on Columbus Day.  (Thanksgiving Day in Canada)

October 1, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Raise the Bar

Although I am no longer running for President, I still care about the country and its future.  I still believe we can change things and abolish the CineMafia and the grip it has on the Great American Entertainment Industry.

Time is running out.  We can’t wait until 2012 and hope the new wave of schmucks will fix the problems caused by the current wave of schmucks and the schmucks of the past.  The problems need to be asked now.

It starts with your elected officials.  They must be held accountable.  Ask them questions.  (By questions, I don’t mean the Katie Couric “How’s your day going?” questions.  I mean the “What are your intentions with a 14-year-old girl?” question that Chris Hansen asks fat bald middle-aged men carrying a case of beer on “To Catch a Predator.”)  I just hope you don’t have to ask your elected official that specific question.

Now is the time to hold them accountable.  Not Election Day, not during the primary season.  Demand excellence from your elected officials.  (It’s not like you asked to be governed.)  Raise the bar! NOW!  DONE! NOW!

October 13, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, election, humor, legislation, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Getting America Back to Work

Let’s face it:  Wall Street may be doing well, but Main Street isn’t.  Americans have always been about Main Street.  Though nobody in the government will admit it, they’d rather you work for a big corporation than start your own business.  It means the nation becomes too reliant on big government and big business.  When they fail, everybody loses.

I am all about smaller government.  I am also a believer in small businesses.  If your small business fails, you will be the only loser.  If you govern yourself and you fail, you are the only loser.  But if you work for a multinational business or a multinational government and it fails, everybody fails.

I will give more details tonight on my podcast.  You can hear it live at 11:00PM Eastern/8:00 Pacific or any time after the show ends in the archives.

March 25, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, commentary, economy, humor, Platform, satire | , , | 8 Comments

Two Down, Two to Go

Barack Obama was inaugurated two years ago today.  I will be inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States two years from today.  Hang in there, America…  I’ll be sworn in soon enough.

There has been an arrest of over 100 mafia members.  This appears to be good news until one digs deeper.  None of these alleged mobsters belong to the Cinemafia.  Looking at some of the crimes they were charged with, I see the mafia’s biggest problem is that they are trying to move in to the government’s turf.  This is the government sending a stern message:  “We already have Social Security.  We do not need a competing ponzi scheme.”

As President, I will look for better ways to perform government functions.  If the mafia can extort, blackmail, and distribute narcotics better than the U.S. government, I will let the mafia take over those vital government functions.

 

January 20, 2011 Posted by | campaign, commentary, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

The Internet and Government Snooping

I am at a crossroads.  The government is looking into being able to get a subpoena for things like IMs, e-mails, and social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace. I don’t have a problem with it personally.  I am a candidate for the President of the United States.  As a candidate for President, I believe that it is important to be open about everything.

There is a privacy issue also.  Many are you are not running for President.  People want their lives private.  While it’s important for the government to track down terrorists and criminals, the government has no business in any other information like if the criminal or terrorist is a cross-dresser or a bed-wetter.  I don’t want to hear about it in the news either.  I don’t want to know that the only reason John McCain picked Sarah Palin as his running mate is because they met through AdultFriendFinder.com.

It’s one thing to track down somebody who intends to cause harm.  It’s another thing to go after people who have pornography on their computers (I plead the Fifth) or have downloaded bootleg copies of “The Golden Girls – Season 4”.  Those people need to be left alone.

May 6, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Not Pleased With the Health Care Bill

Let’s assume for a minute that the health care bill does everything the Democrats say it will without the scary things Republicans say it will do.  I would still be against this bill.  While the bill offers a lot, there are still provisions missing from it that I feel it needs:

  • Not all doctors will be able to collect from insurance companies:  Sure doctors can collect if they practice “conventional” medicine of chiropractic medicine, but my doctor practices Santeria medicine.  This bill discriminates against doctors who offer animal sacrifices for the wellness of others.
  • Not all drugs are covered in drug plans.  There is no point in getting generic Viagra for $4 if you can’t get a generic case of beer for $4.  Beer contains alcohol, which is a drug.  Looking at some of the women I had been with over the years, I needed that case of beer before I would do anything that would require the use of Viagra.
  • It offers little in preventive medicine.  This bill offers no discounts in preventions I feel would work.
  • It doesn’t cut the cost of health care, just the amount you would pay out of your pocket.  (Remember, we’re assuming that the Democrats are correct with this bill – which they’re not.)  The price of premiums may be cut, but not the cost.  The government will pick up the costs that you’re not paying for now.  When I say “government”, I mean “taxpayer”, and when I say “taxpayer”, I mean you.

I am not a big fan on mandated health insurance.  Don’t ask me why this happens, but every time auto insurance becomes mandated in a state, the premiums increase.  The states with the lowest insurance rates are the few states that don’t mandate it.

One would figure that a bill as thick as a phone book would have been able to include everything, including the points I mentioned earlier.  This bill does not do that, so I am urging the House of Representatives not to pass this bill until my points are remedied.

March 21, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, health care, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Not Pleased With the Health Care Bill

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