Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I QUIT!

Much to the chagrin of my Little League coach, I quit something.  As of Tuesday, I became an ex-smoker.  i quit smoking even though winners never quit.

It has been difficult.  I have gained seven pounds so far.  This means I will be swimming a few extra laps in the Jacuzzias well as spending at least five minutes on the treadmill at the gym.   I may even double the weights I use for weightlifting to 20 pounds.

I still have the urges to light up at certain times of the day.  I want to smoke when I wake up, when I drive (especially here in New Jersey – there is a reason why auto insurance is higher in New Jersey than in any other state – people here don’t know how to drive!)  I also want to smoke when writing blog entries.  (This is why I haven’t written in a few days.)

Quitting smoking does have its benefits.  I have a few extra dollars I can spend at the nudie bar.  Breathing has become easier.  My sense of smell has improved.  (This is a bit of a negative at the gym when people are sweating like pigs.)

I am going to have to find a way to be able to write without being overwhelmed by the urge to smoke.  Masturbation eases the urge, but makes it harder to type.  Hopefully as I go longer without smoking, I’ll be able to write on a regular basis.

 

May 4, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Thought Process of People

It is important to understand people.  I have a basic understanding of people, but there is something that still baffles me.  It wouldn’t bother me except that it does.  Once I understand why people do this, I will shave a strong enough understanding of people to convey my message in a manner that they will enthusiastically support.  What I don’t understand about people is their inability to drive three blocks to work during a snowstorm, yet venture out a half hour to drive to the gym I work out at.

I normally work out twice a day:  10-11AM and 3-4PM.  The gym is usually sparse during those time periods.  Treadmills are readily available and it’s easy to go from machine to machine without waiting.  Today was a totally different story.  I should have gotten the hint when there was a wait for the wristband gym members get when they first enter the gym.  The lockers were crowded with naked middle-aged bald fat men.  Every piece of workout machinery was being used.  Every treadmill, rowing machine, and other machine I don’t usually use was in use.  Even every urinal and stall in the bathroom was occupied. (The urinals on the gym floor were vacant, but I am too shy to use those.)

Here is what separates me from most people:  If I can’t drive to work, it’s because I can’t drive anywhere.   I’m not going to go on a 30-mile journey if I can’t drive down the street.  If the needs arises to travel a long distance for pleasure, I just call in sick and go drive.  (I don’t do this now because I work out of my home and I need the clients to survive.- I don’t get sick days.)

If you are one of these people who will go on a road trip after not being able to go on a two block trip due to snow, please tell me why you do it so I can better understand you.  And please go to a different gym.

March 23, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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