Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Herman Cain Will Be Missed

Why am I going to miss Herman Cain if he is one of the candidates running against me?  I will miss him because the more opponents who are pretty much the same running, the better it is for my campaign.  With one fewer pro-Cinemafia candidate running, the pro-Cinemafia will have fewer choices, which will give more votes to the other candidates.

If pizza was to suddenly become a hot-button political issue, then Herman Cain suspending his campaign would be a big boost as I am the other candidate who loves pizza enough to eat it without utensils.

The Iowa Caucuses are one month from today.  If you live in Iowa and want to spread the word, this week will be a good week to picket movie theaters and spread the word on how I plan to make entertainment more affordable.  If you rather do something during the day, you can stand in front of a hospital and give out apples whilst discussing my “Apple-a-Day” health care plan.

I’ll be doing my usual debate thing tonight.  My comments will be on Facebook and Twitter.  If you have any questions to ask me during the debate, feel free to tweet @AhmnodtHeare or use the #ahmnodt hashtag.  The debate is hosted by former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee and will start at 8:00PM EST on FoxNews.

December 3, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, health care, humor, issues, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My Chances Just Got Much Better!

I’m not showing up in any polls besides the Oudda Poll (which is ran by my mother).  I haven’t gotten invited to any debates.  My media exposure has been limited to a tweet read on MSNBC and two tweets read on the local news.  These truths have been huge obstacles in my campaign.

There are good signs from non-traditional sources.  My internet presence continues to grow.  More people are talking about me in conversations with other people.  Some men tell women that they know me as a pick-up line in bars.  (This is ironic because that line works better than when I tell women that I AM Ahmnodt Heare.)  I have been offered Secret Service protection.  (I declined because I don’t like it when others look cooler in sunglasses than I do.)

The race has been narrowed down between me and President Obama.  This is because I am not a Republican invited to the “Kiss-of-Death” debate on December 27 in Des Moines.  It is not the kiss of death because it’s in Des Moines.  It is a fine city,  I have been there in the past.  It is the kiss of death because of the moderator, Donald Trump.

The reason why Donald Trump is the “Kiss of Death” is simple.  Every time a candidate goes to visit Donald Trump in search of an endorsement, he or she drops in the polls like a rock off the Empire State Building.  It started with Sarah Palin.  She isn’t even running any more.  Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain have all seen the Donald with similar results:  A rapid freefall from the polls has resulted every time.  Newt Gingrich is scheduled to meet him on Monday.

I will be declining that debate and any invitation to visit Donald Trump.  Victory is mine!

December 2, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, debate, election, endorsement, humor, media, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My Chances Just Got Much Better!

A Week to Prepare

The next debate (hosted by the Heritage Foundation) is not until next Tuesday.  I will have plenty of time to prep for this debate.  I am keeping my eye on the news and am taking notes.  I will be prepared for any questions the moderators might throw at me.  (By me, I mean the other candidates, but I will treat them as if they were being asked to me.)

For example:  If someone asks Herman Cain about his 9-9-9 plan, I will treat it as if it was my plan.  My response will be something like, “It wasn’t my tax plans.  It was the answer to what the police asked how many drinks I had that night.”  I had to say “9” three times because I didn’t think anybody heard me the first two times.

I will not be limiting myself to questions asked by moderators.  I will also answer your questions live next Tuesday at 8:00PM Eastern.  I will be in my chat room on Facebook.  You don’t have to be my Facebook friend to participate, but you will need an account.  Since I will be chatting live, I will not be blogging my answers or comments in real time in this blog as I normally do.

Invite your friends to the chat.  America needs to know what I am all about and why I am obviously the best candidate for President.

November 15, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, debate, humor, politics, Social Networking | , , , , , | 5 Comments

What is the Media Thinking?

All week the media has been fixated on allegations against Herman Cain involving sexual harassment in the 1990’s.  This has gotten more coverage than when both John Edwards and Newt Gingrich cheated on their cancer-stricken wives.  It used to be that the media didn’t cover a sex story unless there was actual sex.  Usually a bastard child was presented as proof of an affair.  But as abortions became more commonplace, the child was replaced with hush money and funding for abortions.

There was no sex between Herman Cain and the at least four women who have claimed sexual harassment charges against him.  But the way the media has been covering it, you would think every pregnant woman is carrying Herman Cain’s baby (with the possible exception of his wife.)

If the media really wants to cover a candidate with a wild sexual past, they should cover my campaign.  My daughter Patricia is a beautiful girl, but she was the result of a one-night stand.  Then there was the phase with the dominatrix.  I think all of the pictures have been destroyed.  (At least I paid good money for those pictures to be destroyed, especially the ones with me in a school-girl outfit.)

The reason why I think Herman Cain is getting more press for his exploits than I did for mine is mathematics.  9-9-9 > 6-9 so 9-9-9 gets priority in the news because it is a larger number.  That’s the only reason I could think of/

November 3, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, media, politics, scandal | , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on What is the Media Thinking?

Ahmnodt Speaking to You

I had a 1,000 word commentary to accompany the video, but my computer crashed and autosave didn’t autosave.  I wish I had the time to write it all again, but I do not.  Below is a brief summary of what I did write:

I predicted trends that first appear in this video (topless presidential candidate, smoking an unfiltered, hand-rolled cigarette, and  calling out the Cinemafia and my opponents’ support of them.)

I didn’t mention it in the video, but I did mention in the summary Herman Cain’s pro-Cinemafia “9-9-9 Plan.”  While movie tickets would be lowered to $9, A large Coke and a large popcorn will also be $9 each.

 

October 26, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | , , , | Comments Off on Ahmnodt Speaking to You

I Win a Straw Poll

I am proud to announce that I have finally won a straw poll.  Depending on how one interprets the results, I either won handily (66.67% of the votes cast) or by one vote.  Final Results of the R.U. Heare* Household Poll:

HEARE: 2 votes

CAIN: 1 vote

For some reason, my father did not vote for me.  (He voted for me in 2008 while my mother voted for Barack Obama).  My parents never vote for the same candidate.  My father is a staunch Republican and my mother is a tree-hugging liberal.  But there is more to their relationship than politics.   They both enjoy art, watching game shows, and tormenting me.

I should mention that the reason why I am in Washington and not home working is because of holidays.  My latest client took a couple days off because he is Jewish and will be observing Yom Kippur tomorrow night.  Monday is Columbus Day, when we Americans celebrate the birthday of a guy who got lost four times.

I am hoping to gain some support for the “Occupy Pennsylvania Avenue” rally I want to start this weekend.  While “Occupy Wall Street” has good intentions, it won’t be able to accomplish much because Wall Streeters don’t write laws.  They only pay guys to write the laws for them.  “Occupy Pennsylvania” will go right to the sources – the people Wall Streeters are paying as well as the President and the Supreme Court.

Things need to change and they need to change as soon as possible.  America cannot afford to wait until you vote for me.  We can’t wait for the guy who people voted for to deliver that change either.  He has had almost three years and there hasn’t been much change.  We have to bring the change because as long as the powers that be are being well off for not changing, they’re not going to change.

*R.U. Heare is my father, Robert Ulysses Heare.

October 6, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, change, commentary, editorial, humor, Obama, politics, voting | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Nein Nein Nein!

I do not like Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan.  I think there should be only one tax.  I would be made 27 from one tax source so people don’t feel like they are feeding more than one pig.

September 22, 2011 Posted by | debate, Orlando, taxes | | Comments Off on Nein Nein Nein!

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