Time to Step Up My Game

There has been a lot going on in my life the last year that had taken away valuable campaigning time.  My parents have both moved into adult care facilities.  I lost a custody battle for my daughter and she now lives in Italy with her mother.  “American Idol” ended before I could audition.  My campaign email has been hacked and I no longer have access to your letters or correspondences I have been getting from Nigerian princes.  (It seems that my campaign is popular in Nigeria.)

I was considering suspending my campaign for the rest of the election cycle until I heard that Donald Trump was the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party.  It also looks like that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic Party candidate.

I am looking for places to campaign.  If you know of a rally, bar mitzvah, or memorial service looking for a speaker, feel free to correspond.

The new updated contact information will be posted providing that I remember the email address or phone number.  I don’t email or call myself often enough to know those things by heart.  At least I know my address (but only because Papa John’s keep asking for it when I order pizza to be delivered.)

Tell all of your friends and 3/4 of your enemies that my campaign is back and running on full steam.  It’s sad that America needs me to run as desperately as she does, but I am up for the task.

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I’m Not Ready

Former Secretary of State and Senator Hillary Clinton announced today that she is running for President.  Senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz have already announced that they are going to run along with Ben Carson.

As bad as things are right now, I do not know if any of these people can improve things, let alone getting America on track to a prosperous future.  Same goes for Jeb Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Marco Rubio, and Dave Mustaine.

It is not because these people are not capable to bring good times to America.  It is because it is not in their best interest to improve America.  They are more interested in their legacy and making sure THEY have a prosperous future than making sure that you and I do.  This is modern-day American politics at its worst.

This is my third campaign for President.  I have learned a few things in my previous campaigns.  The first thing I learned is that the only way to take money out of politics is to not put money into politics in the first place.  This belief is the reason why I do not ask for political campaign contributions.  We cannot expect a candidate to be fiscally conservative in office if he or she is not fiscally conservative on the campaign trail.  What they do on the trail is a reflection of what they will do in office.

I’m not ready for Hillary… or Ted… or Rand… or Dave (Though it would be cool if Megadeth played at my Inaugural Ball.)

Why I Have to Run for President

I was hoping that I would not have to run for President in 2016.  My life is getting more hectic as my parents’ health conditions are not getting better, my daughter and her mother are getting ready to move away, and the local “Hello Kitty” fan club is getting chaotic due to the lack of a fan club president.

The sad truth is that America is in bad shape now, and will continue to get worse if any for the popular candidates considering a run for president ends up getting elected.  Hillary Clinton isn’t going to fix anything.  Neither will Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, or Rand Paul.  they will just continue the same debacle of a plan that America has been on since George W. Bush took office in 2001.  America will soon cease to exist as we know it if any of these people get elected.  They all would continue to carry out the same policies that George W. Bush and Barack Obama have carried out.  My platform is refreshingly different.

We cannot continue to have our police harass the good people when there are so many bad people who need to be arrested.  People like drug dealers, hoodlums, and hipsters need to be taken off the streets and into a jail that doesn’t have internet.  The system that the government uses to calculate inflation has to change to a system that includes the prices of things that go up.  Otherwise, you end up with what we have now.  (“Low” inflation based on the cost of merchandise at Dollar Tree.)

We need a foreign policy that discourages the knee-jerk reaction of bringing the troops all over the world to intervene in every situation.  Our wars have to be few, brief, and fiscally responsible.  They also have to be fought as humanely as possible.

The IRS needs to be taken out of health care, day care, and lemonade stands.  The TSA needs to be taken out of airports and replaced with massage therapists.  The FDA has to be told that cell phones are neither a food nor a drug and that cell phones shouldn’t have to meet FDA guidelines.

I am running for President because I want an America that I, my child, your children, and Nadia Suleman’s children can live in without fear of government becoming bankrupt either fiscally or morally and can plan a better lives for their children and grandchildren.

 

Problems Abroad

Ahmnodt Heare is currently campaigning in Paris.  He sent me a text message saying that his laptop is fried because the voltage converter he used for using his laptop in Europe is broken.  He can’t post blog entries or on Facebook because he doesn’t have a smartphone.  He says his phone is really rather dumb.

Ahmnodt was a bit lost when he first arrived in Paris.  The name of the new President of France, Francois Hollande, threw him off and he thought he was in the Netherlands.  Soon, he realized that more people were speaking French than during his last visit to Amsterdam.  He thought the “e” in “Hollande” was just a result of poor European spelling.

I called him at his hotel this morning.  He said that he was able to draw large crowds, but that there were some problems with translation.  People were baffled about the “Cinemafia” because there is no French equivalent.  He thinks they interpreted the word as “SinnerMafia”, which threw them off.

People also thought he was running for the President of France.  They had their election last month and Hollande beat former President Nicolas Sarkozy.  They were perplexed as to why an American candidate would campaign in Paris.  He explained that he was running for President of the Free World and was encouraging the French to write Hillary Clinton and demand that they be allowed to vote for Leader of the Free World.  They seemed to like that idea but didn’t seem willing to vote for an American as Leader of the Free World.

One Parisian walked up to him and said that they would consider voting for him as leader of the Free World if he had New York Red Bulls soccer player Theirry Henry as a running mate.   He said he already had a running mate (Thank you for remembering me, Ahmnodt) but there was an opening in the cabinet for Department of Health and Human Services now that Jack Kevorkian was deceased.

He will be spending the rest of the night in Paris before heading to Berlin tomorrow.  He said that he will now remember that Angela Merkel’s name is not “Andrea”.  It cost him in German popularity the last time.

Attention Non-Americans!

Americans like to think that the U.S. President is the leader of the “Free World.” In spite of this, non-Americans have no say in who gets to be the leader of the free world. I want to change that, but I will need your help. I need you and all of your friends (and most of your enemies) to mail a letter and a ballot to the U.S. Department of State. The letter should read something like this:

Dear Secretary Clinton:

I keep hearing that the President of the United States is the leader of the free world and that America champions democracy. And as a citizen of voting age living in the free world, I am enclosing my ballot for President and Vice-President of the United States.

Sincerely,

This will be what your ballot looks like:

President: Ahmnodt Heare – Independent

Vice President: Albee Thayer – Independent

And the address to mail the letter and the ballot:

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

U.S. Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520, U.S.A.

You can also send the letter to any U.S. Embassy.  But please don’t sent them to Embassy Suites.  While their headquarters are based in the United States, they are not affiliated with the United States government.

Somebody Wake Up President Obama!

It is currently 3:25 AM.  I have been trying to get a hold of the president to make sure he is awake in case something should happen at 3:00AM.  This is one of the things Hillary Clinton warned us about during the Democratic primaries, but nobody paid attention.

If something is to happen to our country, it will happen in the middle of the night.  President Obama will be playing the fiddle in his sleep as Rome burns.

I Have Won the 2012 Elections!

I have taken a bold step in declaring myself the winner of the 2012 elections before any vote has been cast.  The philosophy is simple:  declare yourself the winner, especially if you are losing.

It started with Norm Coleman declaring himself the winner in the Minnesota Senate race and going to court to try to prove it.  He did this despite having fewer votes than Al Franken.  More recently, Jim Tedisco tried to declare himself the winner with fewer votes than Scott Murphy in New York’s 20th Congressional District race.  This was the district vacated by Kirsten Gillibrand when she was appointed Senator after Hillary Clinton left to become Secretary of State.

I will go to court on Monday and present my case to the court.  I have the most blog hits of any declared candidate for office.  If the court agrees with me, it will save the country millions of dollars in election costs.