Still in DC

I was supposed to return home today after spending Christmas weekend at my parents’ home in Washington, DC.  The problem wasn’t the weather or the roads.  The problem is I am sick.  I have a 101.4 degree fever and I am coughing and sneezing.  My stomach feels like an anvil was dropped on it.  I am blogging on the toilet because I have a serious case of the runs.

Aside frrom being ill, this is the best time of year to be in Washington.  All of the politicians are in their home states leaving the city to us natives.  I will blog about my feelings about DC statehood tomorrow if I can get off the can.

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Martin Luther King Day

Monday is Martin Luther King Day.  Yesterday was Martin Luther King’s birthday.  He would have turned 81 yesterday.

One reason why Martin Luther King’s birthday isn’t celebrated more is because we celebrate it on a Monday and not on the 15th.  Many businesses will be open on Monday.  Everything except for banks and the post office will be open.

Everything is closed on Christmas because it is always on December 25.  It’s not on the fourth Monday of December or the first Sunday after the Detroit Lions are eliminated from the playoffs.

Poor Martin Luther King.  His birthday will always be “celebrated” on a Monday.  Monday is a bad day to celebrate a birthday.  Everybody has a bad day on Mondays.

If I am elected President, I will make Martin Luther King’s birthday on January 15th every year.  There will be no more “It’s the 18th this year, 17th next year, etc.  How would you like it if your birthday was always on a Monday?  That’s what I thought.

Happy Holidays From Ahmnodt and His Celebrity Endorsers!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Christmas Wish List

Christmas is a week from Friday and I should have posted this sooner.  I was hoping to get the things I wanted myslef, but can’t seem to find any of these things.  If you know where to find these things, please let me know.

• A Rotary-Dial Cell Phone – I prefer rotary dials because many times I have my cell phone in my pocket and the buttons get pressed and dials out.  I end up getting billed for a 25-minute call to Indiana that I did not make.
• A mp8-Track Player – I am looking for something with the portability of a mp3 player with the coolness that can only be found in 8-track players.
• A Blender-and-Cooker Combination Bowl – I don’t like to use any more dishes than I have to.  I would like to put two eggs in a blending bowl, scramble them in the bowl, and cook them in the same bowl without pouring the scramble eggs into a frying pan and using the stove.
• A Christmas Lighter – A lighter whose flame lights up in the same colors as Christmas lights.

I am not asking that anybody buy these for me, I just need to know where I can get these cool things.

Bah Hamburg!

For those people unfamiliar with Hamburg, NJ, it is a small town approximately 10 miles south of the New York/New Jersey border in the western part of New Jersey – near where I currently live.

My slogan, “Bah Hamburg” is a finalist for Hamburg’s contest to get people to shop in Hamburg.  Slogans should be short and attention getting.  One of the slogans I am up against is, “Hamburg – the Pulse of Sussex County!”  That slogan is both long and incorrect.  There are two other finalists, but I haven’t heard their slogans through the grapevine today.

If you happen to be in the small village of Hamburg, NJ this week, shop the stores and tell the store clerks, “Bah Hamburg!”

My New Holiday Proposal

If I am elected President, I would make a person’s birthday a paid holiday. Everybody would have his or her birthday (or the day nearest to it) off. I would replace Columbus Day with this day. I don’t know why we celebrate Columbus Day. He got lost four times trying to reach India. He never landed on U.S. soil either. If we wanted to celebrate the birthday of a man getting lost, we might as well have “Ahmnodt Heare” Day.